


Charlie Renews an Acquaintanceship

by Sarah1281



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn, has to be addressed before it can improve right, references to canonical unhealthy behavior
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-05-22 00:01:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 78,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14925528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah1281/pseuds/Sarah1281
Summary: Charlie seeks out the Scientist to see if he can figure out how to let cats talk to spiders after all. But first he needs to figure out how to research. And before that he's really got to learn to read better. It's a good thing the Scientist is on board with helping him because it looks like they're going to be spending a lot of time together.





	1. Chapter 1

He was staring at his computer screen, trying to decide whether the ‘choose the most correct answer’ question he was looking at crossed the line from challenging to unfair for his students when there came a knock on his door. 

Before he had a chance to get up, his office door barged open and in stepped one of the last people he had expected to see that day. 

“Mr. Kelly,” he greeted. 

Charlie Kelly made a face. “Please, call me Charlie. No one calls me Mr. Kelly. It makes me think of my Uncle Jack and, well, that is not a place I want to go today!” 

“Charlie, then,” he amended. “What brings you here?” 

“Listen, Science Bitch, I have to…no, wait, I probably shouldn’t call you Science Bitch, should I? I have gotten some negative feedback about that from some people and I kind of need your help so I should listen. But, like, I feel like I never got your name last time? I mean, maybe you told me, I don’t know. It was kind of a weird time. But, see, I saw something on your door. I was standing out there for like twenty minutes trying to work out what it was. But, like, Burn isn’t actually a name so I give up. I’m usually better at that but no matter how hard I concentrated that is what my brain is telling me it says.” 

“Ah, well, I assure you my name is Burn. More specifically, Dr. Burn Evans.” 

Charlie grinned. “No shit? That’s kind of awesome, dude. A really hippie name. Did England even have hippies?” 

“I believe everywhere had some form of hippies,” Burn said. “Though I will confess I do not know why my parents named me the way they did. I do not believe they were hippies.”

“No?” Charlie asked. “You didn’t like ask them at some point?” 

“No, I rather believe I don’t want to know the thought process.” 

Charlie nodded like that made sense. “Yeah, what if it’s like drugs or something? Then you’ll have to live with having a weird drug name instead of like a cool hippie name. Smart, dude, very smart.” 

“I’m, uh, glad you approve,” Burn said a little awkwardly. “Now-”

“Of course I don’t think I can just call you Burn. I feel like I would be talking about drugs and you would know I’d be talking about drugs and that’s just distracting, you know?” Charlie said. 

“It really doesn’t have to be.”

“No, no, it’s far too late for ‘Burn’,” Charlie insisted. “I can’t call you Dr. Evans because, well, you’re not my doctor so that would just be super confusing. And if I try to call you Scientist I know that’s just going to turn into Science Bitch at some point which is what we’re really trying to avoid here.” 

“I really think you’re overthinking this,” Burn said. “And I don’t understand why you’re here and need to be calling me anything at all.” He stopped. “Not that I’m trying to be rude or kick you out or anything, I’m just getting very confused.” 

“I’ll get to that in a second. I have to solve the name thing first. I think it’s down to two things, really. I could call you the Doctor which I know has some sort of like Doctor Who vibe and I don’t get that show at all but it’s British and you’re British so I figure you’re probably into it. Then there’s Doc which both reminds me of Bugs Bunny because, you know, ‘what’s up, Doc’ and also Back to the Future. So, what do you think? It’s your name so you really should get a say in it.” 

“I…suppose ‘Doc’ would roll off the tongue easier. Make me feel like more of a person and less of an article,” Burn said slowly. 

“An article of what? You know what, never mind. Doc it is!” 

Charlie looked expectantly at him. 

“Thank you?” Burn tried. 

Charlie grinned. “Hey, no problem, man. Now, you’re probably wondering why I’m here.” 

Burn nodded. “Yes, I’ve asked you that several times now. These aren’t my office hours and even if they were you’re not a student of mine.” 

“I’ve got to admit, man, I don’t really get the whole office hours thing. If you’re in your office and not, like, in a meeting with someone you’ve got the time to meet. Even if you’re working on other stuff, if I need to have a half-hour meeting with you it takes up the same amount of time if I do it now or if I do it when you say I should come.” 

“Well, yes, I suppose that is true,” Burn conceded. “But this way helps to give structure to my week and lets the students know when I will be in here. During my office hours I must be here. Right now it is not so if I wanted to pop off and buy myself a cup of tea then I can do that and no one has to be waiting for me.” 

Charlie laughed. “ ‘Pop off’? Dude, that is so British.” 

Was it? Burn merely shrugged. “Well, I am British so I suppose that makes sense.” 

“Now, as for why I’m here. I didn’t exactly have a great time the last time we met,” Charlie said. 

Burn looked down guiltily. “I suppose I can see that.” 

“Now, don’t get me wrong, the money was great,” Charlie said. “I’d put up with a lot for a thousand dollars so I’m really not mad here, just letting you know it wasn’t a good time for me. It really sucked thinking I was smarter for like a minute and I liked it and then I just…wasn’t. The gang didn’t even make too many jokes but, like, they’re not just going to pretend it never happened. And the Waitress! She was so mad at me. Now, it’s not like she’s ever entirely not mad at me. Even that time she let me back in her life after getting hit by that car she still didn’t want me to get too near her but this time she kind of had a point? I walked out on her and that’s not how that’s supposed to work.”

“Did you come here just to tell me off?” Burn asked quietly. “While I can certainly see the temptation, it has been some time since that…incident.” 

Charlie shook his head. “Nah, dude, nothing like that I…what do you mean ‘temptation’? Why would I be here to yell at you?” 

“I never intended to be unethical, you see,” Burn explained. “I don’t suppose many people do but then you have to wonder how things such as Tuskegee or the Stanford Prison Experiment turned out the way they did. Certainly I would not put this on the same level as either of them. But while deception is permissible if necessary for the sake of the experiment – and the use of placebos must always rely on some measure of deception – it is not supposed to involve anyone getting hurt. And while I did not set out to hurt you, I cannot deny that the end result was humiliation. I had intended to prove that the placebo effect could improve intelligence but you simply cannot predict the results of an experiment before you do it. Perhaps in some ways it did increase your intelligence, I really do not know because we were unable to run the after test measures, but you certainly believed the difference to be greater than it was and this led to negative consequences in your personal life and ridicule at the hands of my colleague. I didn’t mean for it to turn out that way, I was just so excited by the data and of course you were my most fascinating research subject to date but at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter what I meant, only what happened and what happened was that there were several glaring flaws in my methodology that I did not correct for and you suffered as a result of that. My God, I did not even debrief you before the presentation in private and answer all of your questions because I was too caught up in the spectacle the audience viewing you for themselves would make! I know better than that. I am better than that. And I am so very sorry. I should have told you then but by the time I realized how badly I had done by you I couldn’t bring myself to face you.” 

Charlie blinked at him. “I’m gonna level with you, I caught about half of that. But, like, I got the important part, I think. You’re sorry the experiment sucked so much and you lied to me about being smarter. Or you failed to make me smarter? You failed to make me smarter then lied to me about it.” 

“…Essentially, yes.” 

“Well I didn’t really expect any of that but that’s great to hear because I came here looking for a favor,” Charlie said. 

“A favor?” Burn repeated uncertainly. 

Charlie took a deep breath, looking nervous for the first time since coming in here. “Yeah…you remember that thing that I thought I invented? Or that I could invent?” 

Burn nodded slowly. “The device that allowed a spider to communicate with a cat? Yes, of course. It was one of the most creative things I’ve ever seen.” 

A brief grin appeared on Charlie’s face. “What, really?” 

“Yes, really,” Burn assured him. “I wouldn’t have any idea how to begin to make that a reality but it was such a lovely idea.” 

“Well that’s the point,” Charlie said. “I still want to do it.” 

Burn blinked at him. 

“I tried explaining it to Dennis when he asked but I think he was mostly just trying to feel superior or whatever. He does that sometimes.” 

“Why did you want to create something like that?” Burn asked softly. “I must admit, I’m curious as well. I could see the potential in wanting to speak with cats or even spiders on their own but such a device wouldn’t allow humans to speak to either. Unless I’m missing something?” 

Charlie shook his head. “No, humans have nothing to do with it. I just…I just think that spiders and cats must have some interesting things to say. And they’ve got to spend a lot of time together, right? Most cats live in houses and a bunch of spiders do, too. Lots of times cats are the only pet people have and when their person is gone they’re just by themselves all day. And spiders are by themselves, too! They don’t have like packs or colonies or anything. And spiders can live for like a year, right? That’s plenty of time for cats and spiders to be friends. And, like, I know that sometimes cats eat spiders but I figure they wouldn’t if they could talk to each other. I know I wouldn’t eat something that could talk to me. Except for that one time Frank tricked Dee and I into thinking we’d eaten human flesh. But don’t worry!” he exclaimed, noting the look of alarm on Burn’s face. “It was actually deer.” 

“I…am glad to hear that but why would he trick you into thinking that in the first place?” 

Charlie shrugged. “We kept stealing his food and he’s kind of a dick sometimes. But the point is, even that one time the person we thought we ate hadn’t talked to us first! Because that’d be gross. And I like cats and I like spiders and I feel bad about all those spiders I had to eat back when I was in school. So I just want to do something nice for them both.” 

Burn realized abruptly that, despite the rather horrific pseudo-cannibal story Charlie had just hinted at, he was smiling. Really smiling. He had never thought to ask Charlie why he had wanted to create that particular invention and neither had Tang-See. It was misguided, certainly, because cats and spiders simply did not share similar intelligences or communicate using the same kind of language as people did but there was something undeniably charming about the whole idea. And watching Charlie light up as he excitedly explained his motivation gave him a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

“That’s such a lovely thought, Charlie,” Burn told him. 

Charlie bit his lip and looked down. “Is it? It is what it is, dude. I just…will you help me?” 

“I wouldn’t know the first thing about how to create such a thing.” 

“That’s okay,” Charlie said. “I think I’m a long way from being smart enough to figure all that out anyway.” 

“Then what are you looking for?” Burn asked.

“I feel like I need to, like, learn more about spiders and about cats. Like not just the obvious things you know from spending loads of time with them but like real science stuff. And probably some other sciency papers or whatever about experiments and inventions and all that stuff. See what’s out there that can help with this. People can talk to gorillas, right? With sign language? Maybe that’ll have something to do with it.” 

Burn nodded slowly. “You want me to help you find research?” 

He had absolutely no idea what research could possibly exist that could help with this but damn it if he wasn’t willing to try, if only to keep that dream alive just a little bit longer. 

Charlie looked embarrassed. “Yeah, I might need something else first.” 

“Of course. What do you need?” 

Charlie opened his mouth and started to say something then quickly snapped it shut again. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” Burn said immediately. “I don’t know if I can help if I don’t know what you need help with but I will have to let you be the judge of that.” 

“I just…” Charlie chewed on his lip. “You know this. You have to know this. We did all those weird tests before you gave me the pill.”

“I know a lot of things,” Burn said neutrally, trying to guess where Charlie was heading but finding himself utterly unable to do so. 

“Sometimes I have a problem…” Charlie steeled himself. “Reading things the same way others do. And when I write things, people don’t always get it. Usually they don’t get it. And I really think that if I want to do this I’m going to need to get better at this kind of thing.” 

Burn nodded slowly. “That would make sense. So you wish for me to assist you in improving your reading and writing abilities?” 

Charlie nodded, looking strangely relieved. “Yes, that’s exactly it! Maybe mostly my reading. I mean, I know the alphabet and all so if I figure out this whole reading thing I’m sure I’ll be fine.” 

Burn nodded again. 

Charlie grinned then suddenly his smile faded and he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “So just like that? I show up and ask for help and you owe me nothing and you’re going to do it? I don’t even have to beg or like clean your toilet or anything?” 

“What? Why would I need you to clean my toilet?” Burn asked, baffled. 

“Or mop the floors or do the dishes or kill the rats or anything like that,” Charlie said impatiently. “The details really aren’t important.” 

“Please don’t hurt any of the laboratory rats! I believe I told you that before.” 

“Yeah, I remember,” Charlie said. “You’re avoiding the question.” 

“I’m really not, I just don’t understand,” Burn protested. “Of course I don’t need you to perform any sort of tasks for me.” 

“There’s no new experiment?” Charlie pressed. 

“I assure you, if there were you would know about it and be compensated accordingly. Experimental ethics dictate informed consent is a fundamental cornerstone of our work,” Burn said. 

Charlie’s expression didn’t change. 

Burn sighed. “There’s no new experiment.” 

“Then what are you trying to get out of this?” Charlie demanded. 

“Nothing. I just want to help,” Burn said simply. 

Charlie looked unimpressed. 

“Look, you’re the one who came to me asking for help. I’m offering to give it. You can trust that or not but I don’t really have any way to prove myself here. Maybe I do still feel bad about what happened earlier and maybe that’s influencing my decision but I am a teacher, Charlie. I’d like to think if anyone had come to me asking for help with something like this I would do what I could for them.” 

Charlie was quiet for several moments, clearly thinking it over. “Guilt can fade. Especially when it’s not even something to really feel that bad about.” 

“I hope it does,” Burn said. “But, again, that’s not why. You’re a fully grown adult and you’re asking me to help you read. What kind of monster would I be if I said no?” 

“So you’re a do-gooder, huh?” Charlie said rhetorically. “Can’t say I really expected that. Well…okay then. I’ll give it a shot.” 

He sat down in an empty chair. 

“What, you mean now?” Burn asked, startled. “You wish to start now?” 

Charlie shrugged. “Yeah, why not? I’m already here.” 

“Well, because…I wouldn’t have any idea where to start right now!” Burn exclaimed. “I need to go over the results of your previous testing and probably have more administered to see if there’s some sort of learning disability causing you these issues. I remember that you graduated high school despite your literacy issues which is both a great achievement for you and a scathing indictment of the US public education system.” 

“Yeah, my school was kind of the worst,” Charlie said indifferently. “I went back there a while ago for a reunion and you’d be surprised how little anything changed. Definitely not going to the next one.” 

“I really wouldn’t blame you,” Burn said. “I’ll also need to look into how to help with reading. I teach all undergraduate and graduate students who have that part figured out. I’ve done tutoring and there were some learning disabilities with those students but that was years ago.” 

“Okay, yeah, that makes sense,” Charlie said. He looked strangely bolstered that Burn didn’t just automatically know exactly what to do to help him whereas it really should be the opposite. But it wasn’t as though he were looking to be shouted at. “So when should I come by?” 

“How about Monday?” Burn offered. “I have a free block of time around two.” 

Charlie grinned and held out a hand to shake. “Monday at two. Got it.” 

Burn took his hand and couldn’t help but smile back. “I’ll see you then.” 

“Later, dude,” Charlie said, hopping up and heading for the door, tossing a careless wave behind him. 

Burn watched him go, his smile lingering. 

He opened up a new window on his computer and typed ‘how to teach someone to read.’


	2. Chapter 2

A few minutes before two, Charlie burst into Burn’s office much the same way he had before. He made a face to see that Burn was not there alone. 

“Who is this?” he asked. “I got the time right, right? I know I’m like a couple minutes early but it seemed stupid to just stand outside for a couple minutes when I’m here now.” 

“No, no, you’re right on time,” Burn assured him, standing up and smiling. “This is Emily. She’s one of our grad students.” 

“Hi!” Emily said, standing up as well. She walked over to Charlie and held her hand out for him to shake. 

“Hi,” Charlie said, eying her hand suspiciously but eventually shaking it. 

“I told you that I am not competent to perform this sort of assessment, yes?” Burn asked rhetorically. “Emily has given several dyslexia assessments and her supervisor, Dr. Clayson, has agreed to help with this.” 

“I don’t know,” Charlie said. “She’s just a student? That doesn’t really sound like she knows what she’s doing. No offence.” 

Emily merely smiled. “None taken. I know how the term ‘student’ sounds which is why I usually say I have my master’s degree and am working towards my doctorate. It’s the same thing but it doesn’t make me sound like a high schooler.” 

Charlie laughed. “Yeah, I definitely don’t want a high schooler trying to figure this thing out. I remember being a high schooler. I did a lot of glue back then.” 

“Well I can assure that I am not on any substances that would impact my ability to perform this assessment,” Emily said. “This assessment is completely voluntary so if you don’t want to let me conduct it then just say the word.” 

“That would probably take longer, though, wouldn’t it?” Charlie asked. “And there’s no guarantee I’d like the next guy either.” He turned to Burn. “What do you think?” 

“I think Emily is very good at what she does and you will be able to trust her results,” Burn said. If he didn’t think that, he never would have brought her here to Charlie. 

Charlie nodded slowly. “Okay. Well I guess I can try it. If you suck I can just leave after we started, right?” 

Emily let out a startled laugh. “Yes, of course. I will do my best not to suck, though.” 

Charlie spread his hands out in front of him. “That’s all I ask.” 

“Here, come sit down,” Emily said, gesturing to the table she and Burn had been sitting at earlier. 

Charlie glanced at the table and his eyes widened. “Cheese. I see cheese. Lots of cheese.” He sat down in the closest chair. 

Emily smiled as she took her own seat across from him. “Yes. Dr. Evans said that you liked cheese and I thought you could have some now and after every test. Help break things up a bit. And we wouldn’t want being hungry to impact your results.” 

“Yeah, no, wouldn’t want that,” Charlie said, clearly only half-listening. “So you said I can have some now?” 

Emily nodded. “You can pick one of the plates of cheese and have that now.” 

Almost before she had finished speaking, Charlie had pulled a plate to him and popped a cube in his mouth. “You know what, I think I like you.” 

“I’m glad to hear it,” Emily said pleasantly. 

“Well, I’ll just leave you two to it then,” Burn said, looking towards the door. 

Charlie dropped the piece of cheese he was holding. “What? You’re leaving?” 

“I was planning on leaving,” Burn said. “I assume you’ll be willing to sign a release of information allowing me to look at your results when you’re done but I do not need to be here for this and I wanted to allow you to have some privacy.” 

“But…I don’t know her,” Charlie protested. 

Charlie barely knew him. 

“What are you suggesting?” Burn asked. 

“Stay. Please? I mean, it’ll probably be boring and all but you can work on something else if you want.” 

He really should say no. There was no reason for him to stay even if it wasn’t unethical to with Charlie’s invitation. 

But Charlie’s eyes were huge and nervous and staring right at him. 

He found himself saying, “Okay.” 

Charlie’s face lit up as Burn took a seat back at his computer. It was close enough to accede to Charlie’s wishes and yet far enough to make it clear he was not the one in charge of the proceedings. 

Charlie held up his plate of cheese. “Want one?” 

“No thank you, Charlie.” 

He shrugged. “Suit yourself.” He turned to Emily. “Now I’ve got a question.” 

“Let’s hope I have an answer,” Emily said. “Fire away.” 

“You said you were going to test me for dyslima. That’s a learning disability, right?” 

“Dyslexia,” she corrected. “And yes. Do you know what a learning disability is?” 

“It means I’m not good at reading because I’m stupid.” 

Emily managed to keep a poker face but Burn felt himself wince. 

“That’s one definition,” she said. “The one we work with is, hold on,” she glanced down at her papers, “ ‘a condition giving rise to difficulties in acquiring knowledge and skills to the level expected of those of the same age, especially when not associated with a physical handicap.’ So, basically, you have a hard time reading even though most people your age can read just fine and it’s not because you can’t see or got hit in the head or something.” 

“And it’s not because I’m stupid,” Charlie said skeptically. 

“And not because you’re stupid,” Emily agreed. “I don’t know you very well, yet, Charlie but I don’t think you’re stupid at all. And I don’t know for sure you have dyslexia, that’s why we’re doing the tests, but that seems like a good place to start.” 

“Dyslexa.” 

“Dyslexia,” Emily said, slower. 

“Dyslexia,” Charlie repeated. 

Emily smiled. “Very good!” 

“If there’s more than one learning disability, why are you just testing for this one?” Charlie asked. 

“Well dyslexia is the most common so it’s best to check for this and rule it out before moving on to others,” Emily explained. “About 20 percent of the population experiences dyslexia and about 80 to 90 percent of the people with learning disabilities have dyslexia.” 

Charlie let out a low whistle. “That is kind of a lot.” 

“It is. So, see, if this is you then you’re in good company.” 

“And all these people can read normal?” 

“I can’t speak for everyone out there but if these people sought treatment for their dyslexia then it’s a good bet that they can,” Emily said. 

“So what does dyslexia mean?” Charlie asked. 

“Dyslexia means that your brain has trouble recognizing or understanding certain types of information. Sometimes people switch letters around. Instead of act they might read cat, for instance. It might involve confusing pronouncing words or connecting the letters of the alphabet with their sounds. It might be hard to sound out words you're not familiar with or writing things in the correct order. Do any of these sound familiar?” 

Charlie coughed. “I, uh, yeah. I guess so.” 

“If you have dyslexia, know that it can’t be cured but there are ways to work around it and be able to figure things out anyway,” Emily said. 

“Are you sure it doesn’t mean I’m just stupid?” Charlie pressed. “You said it’s a problem with my brain. That sounds like being stupid to me.” 

“It’s not stupidity,” Emily said. “It’s just a little brain quirk. Like how some people get songs stuck in their head or can’t figure out maps or always want to touch things twice. Everyone’s brains do things like that. This might be something your brain does but we just don’t know yet.” 

Charlie made a thoughtful noise. “Or like people whose brain thinks they should be a cat? Or that vegetables have any place in sex? Or that being gay doesn’t count if you don’t admit it? Or that being an actress is a realistic career path when you can’t be in front of people without throwing up? Or that refusing to eat is going to make you look ripped and not just pass out?” 

Emily exchanged a confused look with Burn. 

“Something like that,” she said finally. 

Charlie hummed. “Hm. Maybe mine’s not the weirdest then.” 

“It really isn’t,” Emily said. “Now, we’ll get into this more when we do the interview but since you already brought up a history of drug use, I want to mention that using certain kinds of drugs – especially inhalants like glue – can have a negative impact on your brain both while you’re using them and afterwards. It can make it harder to focus and remember things and learn. So if you’re having trouble doing any of those things and you regularly use substances like that, you may find that cutting down on that would help.” 

Charlie ran a hand through his hair and didn’t look at her. 

“But anyway, aside from the interview we’re going to be doing activities that test a variety of areas. We’re going to do two activities to look at your language ability. The Clinical Evaluation of Language Fundamentals, Fourth Edition looks at your ability to take language in through listening or reading and your ability to express yourself through speaking or writing. It also looks at how well you’re able to use language socially. So how things are said, what the speaker’s intention is saying these things, the relationship between the people talking. Then there’s the Oral and Written Language Scales: Written Expression. There’s a written expression scale that looks at your handwriting, spelling, and punctuation. There’s also a listening comprehension scale where I will read a word and you point to the picture of that word. Then in the oral expression scale I’m just going to ask you some questions and you respond using complete sentences.” 

“I can talk just fine,” Charlie said. “Why do you need to look at that?” 

“Because there are certain kinds of tests that have to be given to see if someone has dyslexia or not,” Emily explained. “Maybe you don’t have any problem with speech but some people with dyslexia do and so we have to look at that. Then we get to the reading activity. I’ll be giving you the Diagnostic Assessments of Reading with Trial Teach Strategies. That looks at the areas you’re strong in and the areas you need a little more help with in a few different areas. We’ll be looking at how aware you of the way print works like which way you read and what you do when you come to, say, a comma in a sentence. We’re going to look at how well you’re able to break a word into the sounds the individual letters make, how well you can look at a letter and identify the sound it makes and vice versa, how well you can recognize the words you see, and if you can break a word into smaller parts and understand the meaning such as knowing what having an ‘ing’ at the end of a word does. We’re going to see how smoothly you can read passages out loud and how accurate the passages are, how well you understand things you read quietly, how well you spell, and your vocabulary. It sounds like a lot, I know, but this activity takes about an hour.” 

Charlie was frowning. “I just don’t think I’m going to be able to remember all of this.” 

“You don’t have to,” Emily assured him. “I’m going to go over this in more detail as we get to them, I just want to be upfront about what all this entails before we start, especially as you said you weren’t completely on board with this. Let me know if at any point you don’t understand something I’m saying.” 

Charlie snorted. “Now that I can do.” 

“Then there’s the achievement test which just sees how you do compared to how most individuals of a certain age or grade do. We’ll be using the Wechsler Individual Achievement Test, Second Edition which looks at reading, math, written language, and oral language. I know that you’ll have already done some written and oral language testing but this look at that in a different way and helps figure out if there’s a difference between what you can do and what you’re able to do.” 

“I’m not good at math,” Charlie said bluntly. 

Burn coughed to hide his laugh but Emily didn’t bother. 

“What?” Charlie asked, confused. “How is that funny?” 

“I don’t know what kind of math people think is being asked of them,” Emily explained, “but literally anyone I’ve ever given this test or another achievement test to always says the same thing. ‘I’m not good at math.’ No one is being asked to do calculus, Charlie. I don’t think I’d be very good at that, either. It’s been a long time since I took calculus.” 

“So it’s easier stuff?” 

Emily nodded. “Especially at first. That’s how these tests go. They start easy and the better you do the harder the questions get. It is very rare to answer all of the questions, actually. When you get a certain number wrong in a row for some of these activities we stop asking questions. Do you know why?” 

Charlie looked up, trying to work it out. “I guess because if the questions keep getting harder and you stop being able to answer, like, the hard ones then you’re not going to be able to get the super hard ones either.” 

Emily smiled encouragingly at him. “Very good! You’re exactly right. And people aren’t supposed to get all of them right because this is supposed to test how well people do at certain things. If, say, everyone got every question in the math section right it would only tell us that everyone met a certain level. Maybe everyone mastered their multiplication tables through 10. We need to have questions that people get wrong so we can see if, for example, I’m better at math than Dr. Evans.” 

Charlie grinned and glanced at Burn. He meant to look away, he really did, but Charlie’s grin was so infectious he found himself smiling back instead. “What do you think, Doc? Are you better at math than she is?” 

“Better at statistics, certainly, but the university considers that a psychology class,” Burn said. “As for the rest…I’m afraid I took calculus years before Emily did.” 

Emily laughed. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” 

Charlie shook his head. “Nah. I still think you’d win. You’re a pretty smart guy, after all.” 

Burn’s smile widened. “Well who knows? You may be right. I certainly wouldn’t want to best it. My poor pride couldn’t stand it.”

“My poor pride more like it,” Charlie said. “You two would be figuring out train collision times or whatever and I’m off trying to remember what the hell pi r squared means.” 

“The area of a circle,” Burn and Emily said at the same time. 

Charlie laughed. “Nerds. I’d say I hope that’s on the math section but, let’s be honest, I’m not going to remember any of that.” 

“Let me level with you,” Emily told him. “I had to take this giant test called the GRE to get into grad school, right? And a big part of the test is math. I didn’t even study for the rest. I just sat down with an algebra and geometry for dummies book for three months and that was still my lowest section.” 

“So what I’m getting from this is…fuck math?” Charlie asked innocently. 

“I cannot comment on that interpretation,” Emily said in a deliberately bland voice. “But that’s only a small part of this, don’t worry. There’s an intelligence test after that. The Woodcock-Johnson III Tests of Cognitive Abilities. That will look at how much you know, your ability to reason things out, your memory, how fast you can solve problems, how well you understand the things you hear, and your visuo-spatial ability.” 

Charlie opened his mouth. 

Emily laughed. “I know, I know. That’s such a technical term. Basically how well you can do things like navigate, understand and fix equipment, estimate distance, that kind of stuff.” 

“Oh, I’m really good at that kind of thing,” Charlie said. “That’s why Frank’s not allowed to drive if I’m not in the car and before that I made him all these direction tapes.” 

“I…see,” Emily said neutrally. “Well then that part of the activity should be really easy for you.” 

Charlie shrugged. “Maybe. Hey, how come you keep calling them activities? You called them tests a few times, too, and it sounds more like tests than activities.” 

“Well, they’re both,” Emily admitted. “It’s just that when you call something a test people tend to worry about passing or failing it and it’s not that kind of test. Even if you couldn’t read a single word – and from what I understand that’s not true for you – it’s still not failing. You just do your best. And calling things tests just make people nervous.” 

“Oh, yeah, definitely if you’re thinking of like school tests,” Charlie said. “One time there was this math test and I knew none of the answers but we had a substitute so I snuck the test out with me and then I ate it so no one would know. The real teacher knew I was there because of attendance and thought the missing test was my fault, which it totally was, but he couldn’t prove anything so he let me retake it. I mean, I failed that one, too, but at least I didn’t fail it the first time.” 

“I have to say,” Burn said. “I would never have thought of eating a document I wanted to dispose of.” 

“Oh, yeah, I do shit like that all the time. And my friend Mac eats contracts like all the time. It usually works, too, but that last time the stupid lawyer thought to make copies. But I guess all that really matters is that those kittens get those mittens even if the money would have been nice.” 

“I can’t say that there aren’t documents I would have wanted to eat,” Burn said. “Though I don’t think I would have had the nerve to go through with it. That’s remarkable that you did, Charlie. That takes…that just takes so much courage.” 

Charlie gave him a startled grin. “Courage? Really? You think so?” 

“Of course. Sneaking a test out and then consuming it? Someone might have caught you doing it or the teacher could have penalized you and given you a zero for the missing test. I can’t very well endorse that kind of behavior but it was years ago and just…remarkable.” 

“Remarkable,” Charlie repeated. “That’s not what Mac said when I told him. But I like your view on it better.” 

“My only question is is that kind of thing quite safe?” Burn asked. “Paper isn’t meant to be edible and there can be quite a few pages. Not to mention if there’s any trouble from the ink or if there’s some staples.” 

“Oh, yeah, it’s fine,” Charlie assured him. “I eat way weirder things that that, trust me. As for staples, yeah, you really should take that stuff out first. It’d probably tear up your intestines on the way through!” 

Burn shuddered at the thought. “And, sorry, but did you say that you were connected with Kitten Mittens?” 

Charlie made a face. ”Not anymore. I mean, never mind I’m the one who made the commercial and had the idea and pitched it to investors in the first place. Apparently my friends and I don’t ‘read contracts before signing them’ so that stupid lawyer bitch got all the money from it. But, again, the important thing is that the kittens are getting the mittens.” 

There were so many things Burn wanted to say in response to that. 

“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Charlie,” Burn finally settled on. “I won’t lecture you about how you should always read what you sign because not only is it not my place but I suspect you’ve learned that lesson the hard way. It was bloody rotten for that solicitor to trick you that way. You worked hard to come up with such an idea and to bring it to life and he doesn’t deserve to take that from you. You didn’t deserve to lose it that way.” 

Charlie looked almost shy. “Well, I don’t know if…thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

“Solicitor? Is that like a fancy British way of saying lawyer?” 

Burn felt his ears grow hot. “Well I don’t know about fancy but it is the British version of the word, yes.” 

“Everything British is fancy,” Charlie told him. 

Burn laughed as images of ‘Young, Dumb and Living Off Mum’ flashed through his head. “That is most definitely not true.” 

“No, it is,” Charlie said confidently. 

“We British can be just as classless as our American friends.” 

Charlie nodded. “Yeah but in a classier way.” 

“I really don’t think…” He trailed off and looked at Charlie’s challenging smirk. “I should just let you have this, shouldn’t I?” 

“It would probably save time,” Charlie agreed. “But…you like the mittens? Really?” 

“Oh, yes. My sister has three cats and they were always clawing up the furniture. I bought her a few pairs a few months back and she absolutely loves them. She has them in half a dozen different colors so she can dress her cats up differently.” 

Charlie beamed. “That is so great to hear, man. Thanks for letting me know that.” 

“No, thank you for bringing something so unique and lovely to life,” Burn said. “I could never have thought of something like that.” 

“Spend more time with cats,” Charlie advised. “That’s the secret.” 

“I actually have a pair for my cat, too,” Emily said. “That’s so cool that you came up with that, Charlie.” 

“Wow, I’m getting all sorts of positive feedback today!” Charlie said, laughing. “Thanks, guys. Oh, um, we were in the middle of going over all those tests, right?” 

“We were but don’t worry about it. We’ll have to stay on topic more when we’re doing the tests but you can take a break whenever you want to between the different subtests. The last two tests for you are articulation or how you pronounce words. The Goldman-Fristoe Test of Articulation, Second Edition and the Khan-Lewis Phonological Analysis work together to figure out how well you can pronounce sounds and words. We’ll look at sounds in words, sounds in sentences, and whether you can imitate a sound you hear. Then we’ll have a test for your mother, the Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scales, Second Edition. This is just an interview to let us know about the kinds of personal and social skills you had from the time you were born until now. If you give us her phone number, we’ll call her and schedule for her to come in and fill this out for us.” 

“Yeah, she’d probably do that. She may ask a million questions first but if you tell her it’s to help me she’ll do it,” Charlie said. “So that’s a lot of tests. Some of them sound pretty easy but others…well, I just hope it will let you know if I have dyslexia or not!” 

“It should,” Emily said. “Now, we’ve been through a lot and we’re going to go slow. Would you like to start now or would you like to take a break first?” 

Charlie thought about it. “I can start now.” 

Emily smiled. “Very good. The first thing I’m going to ask you is-”


	3. Chapter 3

“So it’s official,” Charlie said happily, practically bouncing into Burn’s office. He was twenty minutes early for their appointment but given his previous disagreement about the very idea of office hours and how excited he seemed, Burn couldn’t exactly call it a surprise. 

“What’s official?” 

Charlie grinned broadly at him. “I’m not stupid! I just have dyslexia!” 

Burn couldn’t help but smile back. It was good news, of course, that they’d found Charlie’s diagnosis but it was more than that. It was kind of becoming a pattern. Charlie smiled at him and he found himself smiling back. He couldn’t explain. Charlie just looked so happy sometimes that it brought a warm feeling to his chest and he ended up mirroring the expression. 

“I’m so glad you’re happy with your diagnosis, Charlie,” he said warmly. “Though this just puts a label on a series of traits you experience to help you and other people understand why you have greater difficulty reading and writing than other people. Even if it turned out you did not have dyslexia, we would have kept looking. And even if we had never found a satisfactory explanation, it was never a question of you being stupid. You are not a stupid man, Charlie.” 

Charlie looked incredulous at that before he blinked and laughed. “Oh, I get it. You’re one of those hippies who doesn’t believe in stupidity at all, aren’t you?” 

“First of all, I’m very clearly not a hippie,” Burn said. He flushed. “And maybe I am. What’s wrong with that?” 

“Nothing’s wrong with it, exactly,” Charlie said. He took a seat. “But it’s not right. So maybe that’s what’s wrong with it? I mean, don’t get me wrong, dude, it’s really sweet but it’s just not true. I know a lot of stupid people, man. This one guy, like, set himself on fire because…well, you might need some backstory. Dennis was sick of Mac eating all his thin mints because, like, you can only buy those once a year, right? And sure you can get them online from Amazon but it’s not the same. So he decided to get Mac to stop by creating this fake cult that was all about exercise and being healthy – which Mac always loves to talk about even if he’s not always the best at living up to it – and not eating thin mints.”

“That sounds like a rather complicated way of solving the problem,” Burn said. “I hope he tried just asking first.” 

Charlie nodded. “Oh, yeah. And he tried hiding them and buying Mac his own boxes and all that jazz first. Creating your own cult isn’t going to be anyone’s first solution to a problem, not even Dennis’. But Mac kept finding them and eating them anyway because Dennis’ tasted better or whatever and promising he wouldn’t do it didn’t actually stop him from doing it.” 

Burn bit his lip. “I will confess that I have a rather kneejerk negative reaction to the concept of cults but that is likely because no relatively positive group wishes to be labelled a cult and all the cults you hear about are things such as the Peoples Temple or Heaven’s Gate.” 

Charlie blinked at him. 

“Both of which ended in mass suicides. Or, well, more of a murder-suicide at Jonestown. But the point was, most of the members of those cults ended up dead so you can see why I’m a little wary about that word. But an exercise cult designed to prevent a roommate from stealing your cookies seems rather innocuous. Though you did mention someone setting themselves on fire?” 

“Oh, yeah, that kind of got out of hand. So Mac recruited me and some other guys into the cult and it was just some cool workout stuff for a while. Then Dee got sick of the fact that Dennis and Mac had been rooming with her for ages since their apartment caught fire but none of us wanted to pay for a contractor, right? Because that shit’s expensive. So she kind of hijacked the cult and tried to get us to work on the apartment. But Mac freaked out at the idea of women in the group because he’s got some serious issues on that front and the other guys were contractors already and didn’t want their fun workout group to turn into more work so I offered to do it for them which was not what Dee had in mind.” 

“I can see that,” Burn said. “It was sweet of you to agree to take on that whole task. I’m not sure how pragmatic such a thing was but very kind.” 

Charlie ducked his head and smiled. “Well, they were friends, right? And this was supposed to be fun. Besides, later they went ahead and had their guys fix it up anyway so it all worked out. But when Mac left the group he went right back to the thin mints so Dennis found out and got mad and then he and Dee and Frank got into like a weird power struggle to see who was the best cult leader? I didn’t really get it. But the take-away was that Dee’s thing was pretty good, Frank’s thing was better, and so to one-up them Dennis told us all we needed to go kill ourselves. Like, he didn’t mean for anyone to actually do it. But Jojo went into the other room and lit himself on fire and like…Obviously Dennis didn’t mean for that to happen. And we called an ambulance for him and he needed a lot of skin grafts but, like, he’s fine. But tell me that’s not a deeply stupid man.” 

Burn absolutely could not call this Jojo stupid. Not even just because he did not believe in the concept of stupidity at all or because he knew of the chilling power of cults over the vulnerable, even clearly half-cocked cults like that. But the man had lit himself on fire and been severely burned so there was no world in which Burn would be able to bring himself to call him that. 

“That’s so horrible!” 

“Oh, dude, I know. I had nightmares about it,” Charlie said, nodding. “Now, I wasn’t involved in any of the scheming that time and usually people don’t nearly die but when you get caught up in shit with your friends and you’re trying to solve problems or one-up each other you don’t really expect it to lead to stuff like that. And, like, yes Dennis did literally tell us to kill ourselves but Rex and Tiny and I weren’t going to do it! And almost immediately afterwards he started talking and it was obvious he was just trying to prove a point.” 

“Can I just suggest that you try to avoid cults in the future?” Burn asked. “It sounds as though, while your friends were behaving recklessly, no one anticipated that this Jojo would be so unstable or such a big believer in that cult and it had tragic consequences.” 

Charlie nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, yeah, you don’t have to tell me twice! I really only did it because Mac was doing it and he wanted a buddy along. I don’t like people telling me what to do.” 

“That’ll serve you well with cults,” Burn said. He shook his head. “Damn, I…Forgive my language but I really have no other way to respond to that story.” 

Charlie looked unhappy. “Oh, no, Doc, I didn’t tell you that story to upset you!” 

“I know, you were just trying to illustrate your point. And it doesn’t sound like any of that was your fault. But someone literally lit themselves on fire and that is an upsetting subject matter.” 

Charlie nodded slowly, still frowning. 

Burn didn’t like seeing that look on his face. It was like he had kicked a puppy or something. He cleared his throat. “But you were telling me that you believe in stupid people and gave this man as an example?” 

Charlie shook himself. “Yeah, yeah. Like it’s all sad and all but when people do things like that…what are you supposed to think? And it only makes sense, right? If there are smart people and normal people then there must be stupid people. And I guess if people like Jojo weren’t around to be, like, extremely stupid then the stupid people would just be smarter but, like, still stupid. Does that make sense?” 

Burn nodded slowly. “I am following you, yes. And that is in line with early theories of intelligence but they are not the theories that I subscribe to.” 

The look Charlie gave him was almost indulgent. “Okay, fine. Tell me how you can have smart people but not stupid people.” 

“I’m not going to start pretending that variations in people don’t exist or that any two people are going to be equally good at anything. Obviously some people are better than others in some areas. For instance, I have greater prowess in academia than you but I truly believe your adaptability puts my own to shame.” 

Charlie grinned. “Oh, yeah, I’m adaptable all right! I can survive anything.” 

Burn smiled back. “See, you’re already getting the idea! Back in the 1980s, Howard Gardner proposed there were eight different kinds of intelligence and that where you may not possess much of one kind of intelligence you were sure to possess skill in another area.”

“There’s eight different ways of being smart,” Charlie said skeptically. “What, like reading and math and science? Those are different kinds?” 

“No, they’re not all so academic-focused. There are verbal intelligence which relates to the English side of school and logic and math intelligence but those are only two of the eight! There's also musical intelligence and visual-spatial intelligence – which, if you’ll remember, is the ability to visualize things in your mind's eye. There is body-kinesthetic which involves being good at physical activities like dancing or swimming or whatnot. There is interpersonal intelligence and being good with people and intrapersonal intelligence which is a strong understanding of the self. A few years later Gardner added another area which was naturalistic intelligence which is just having a good understanding of your environment when you’re outside and the plants and animals that surround you.” 

Charlie’s eyes were shining. “There’s a musical intelligence?” 

Burn couldn’t help but smile at that. “There is indeed. I remember you mentioned that you play the piano?” 

“Oh, yeah, man, I’m really good at it! And not just that, either. I can play the harmonica, the saxophone, and the bugle.” 

Burn’s eyebrows raised. “I’m a little musically inclined myself. I played violin all through school and I still pick it up from time to time but that is simply astounding, Charlie. You play four instruments? That’s amazing.” 

Charlie blushed. “I sing, too. I have perfect pitch.” 

“Oh, you simply must let me hear you perform someday!” Burn said without thinking. He coughed. “That is to say, well…”

But Charlie looked pleased. “Yeah, maybe I will. I actually wrote a whole musical once, you know? It was hard because my friends can’t really understand my writing all that well in the best of times and this was really long but I got Artemis to write it up and it was fine. It was more than fine. It went really well even though Dee made changes and Frank kept putting the emphasis on the wrong part of his line and the Waitress said no.” 

“The Waitress?” Burn repeated blankly before it clicked in his head. That was what he called the woman he had been interested in during the experiment. While she was, indeed, a waitress it did seem a little odd to call someone you had feelings for but their job description. Granted Charlie called Burn ‘Doc’ but they really didn’t know each other that well and Burn had been consulted on that. Who knew? Perhaps ‘the Waitress’ had, too? “She wouldn’t go to your show?” 

Charlie coughed awkwardly. “No, no she did. She didn’t want to because…well, here’s the thing about the Waitress. She doesn’t act like she likes me all that much. Except that one time she was on Ecstasy.” He smiled softly. “That…was one of the best nights of my life. We sat up talking for hours and explored the beach and it was great. She’s great. But she never calls the cops on me despite the restraining orders and the one time she outright told me to stay out of her life she changed her mind after realizing how reckless she is and how she’s safer with me around watching out for her. I’m gone for like a week and she gets hit by a car and her hair starts falling out and it was just a mess.”

Burn shuddered. “That certainly does sound…unfortunate. But, sorry, can we circle back to this woman having multiple restraining orders against you?” 

Charlie licked his lips and held out a hand. “Okay, so, like, it’s not like I don’t get how that looks.” 

“I’d be worried if you didn’t. The entire point of a restraining order is that someone hates you or fears you enough that they took the trouble to ensure you cannot legally be anywhere near them. And a judge agreed that the case was serious enough to grant it. They don’t just grant restraining orders because you had a bad break-up and never want to see someone ever again. Now, I don’t know that you did anything to justify this and maybe she just lied to get the restraining order but either way it does not bode well about your relationship with this woman.” 

Charlie nodded thoughtfully. “Okay, so, I can’t really argue about anything you just said.” 

“And yet?” Burn prompted. It definitely sounded as though Charlie wasn’t finished. 

“It’s just a weird situation, right? The Waitress has never been scared of me. Not once. And she may not always like me a whole bunch but I told you how she wanted me back in her life once she realized her life spiraled out of control without me. She really does not take proper safety precautions. She even halved the distance of the restraining order!” 

“I see.”

“And back when she still liked Dennis…well, I guess technically she still likes him but she also kind of hates him? Dennis has that effect on women. Back then she always went by the bar to see him even though she knew I’d be there. And she gave me a job at the restaurant she was the manager of because I told her I’d help with Dee. And she might have been a little mean when I ordered stuff from the coffee shop she worked at but she always gave it to me. And she’s never had me arrested despite the fact I am pretty much always violating her restraining order. I mean, the day of the study she came right up to me because Frank paid her a couple hundred dollars to have lunch with me. And one time the gang thought I was dying so they paid her to sleep with me and I didn’t know that so we didn’t actually do that but we did have a really nice date. And if she’s willing to spend time with me if she gets something out of it, she can’t really hate me all that much, right? Honestly, I think she just keeps the restraining orders around out of spite at this point so she can complain when I’m around.” 

“Yes but, Charlie, even if that’s true that doesn’t seem like she wants to date you. Or realistically would be interested in the prospect any time soon,” Burn pointed out. 

Charlie shrugged. “Well, I mean, obviously she doesn’t want to date right now or we’d be dating.”

“So what is your plan? To just hang around and wear her down and hope she changes her mind one day through sheer persistence?” Burn asked. Charlie was sounding ominously like those horrible people who thought being nice to someone and acting as their friend meant they were entitled to romantic interest and when it did not turn out that way felt themselves ill-used and confined to the ‘friend zone.’ Except Charlie did not even have friendship with this woman. 

Another shrug. “I guess? I mean, it’s been going on for so long I don’t really know anymore. What would I even do if she did change her mind? I have, like, this perfect fantasy of our life together in my head but it’s missing a lot of key details, I know.” 

“And what if she never comes around?” Burn pressed. 

Charlie sighed. “Well, I can’t deny it will be a huge disappointment but it’s not like…I mean, yeah, I’ve had opportunities I haven’t taken over the years because I’m waiting for the Waitress. But I didn’t really like any of those other women and maybe I wouldn’t have been interested even without her. I’m not, like, making a sacred vow or anything. If I meet someone and somehow they end up being better than the Waitress – which is completely ridiculous but if that were even possible – then I wouldn’t just keep following the Waitress around because it’s what I’ve always done. I don’t like anybody else. If I ever do then I’ll deal with it then, I guess. But it’ll never happen.” 

Burn wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about that confession. He had a feeling there was a lot about the story he was missing (what did Charlie leaving her alone have to do with her hair falling out or her getting hit by a car? Or was it a coincidence that led to her panicking and asking him to come back as sort of a safety blanket? And how did she get that restraining order?) and refusing to leave this woman alone when she wanted him to was not appropriate. But he did seem to know that, in a way, even if he had justifications for it and it seemed as though she was rather unconcerned about her restraining order being respected. 

The fact that this was what Charlie expected love to be, the fact that this woman who would never love him or probably even like him was who he had pinned his hopes and dreams on…there was something very sad about that even if Charlie himself didn’t view it that way. He rather hoped, impossibly, that that someone did appear one day who made Charlie look away from the Waitress and that this person welcomed all that Charlie had to offer. 

“Oh, don’t look at me like that!” Charlie said suddenly, looking almost distressed. “It’s not how other people do things but I never do things like other people so why would this be any different? If I minded waiting I wouldn’t still be waiting and all of this just proves she’s a quality woman who won’t jump into bed with the first man she sees!” 

Burn frowned. “That sounds rather like slut-shaming, Charlie.” 

“Yes.” 

“Do you expect your male friends from refraining from sex until they really get to know someone to prove that they are quality men?” 

Charlie snorted. “Yeah, no.” 

“Then why do you expect women to?” Burn asked. “Especially since, assuming your friends are engaging in heterosexual sex, for every time they engage in casual sex a woman is their partner. If the two engage in the same activity together, why is it alright for him but it says bad things about her? It reminds me of a quote I once read somewhere. ‘If you consider a woman less pure after you've touched her maybe you should take a looks at your hands.’” 

Charlie looked down at his hands and turned them over slowly. “You know, I never really thought about that before. You just…you just hear stuff, you know? Dennis has more sex than anyone I’ve ever met and Frank’s up there, too. And while maybe we judge them for some of the details, it’s not about the sex. And we all call Dee a whore all the time.” 

“It’s an unjust double standard our society has,” Burn said. “It’s not a personal failing to have internalized that kind of thinking but once you become aware of it it’s your choice if you want to keep celebrating men for doing things you shame women for or not.” 

“Yeah, I…I’ll have to…I’ll keep that in mind,” Charlie said thoughtfully. 

Burn realized abruptly he had ended up somehow lecturing Charlie quite a bit when he hadn’t asked for that and that they had been originally talking about Charlie’s musical abilities. He cleared his throat. “But, to get back to the original point, your waitress came to your show but said no to something?” 

Charlie nodded, his eyes shadowed. “I knew she wouldn’t want to come but the whole thing was for her sake. It was a metaphor for my life and growing up and being an adult and I asked her to marry me at the very end.” 

“What.” 

Charlie laughed nervously. “I know, I know. No one knew I was going to do it. And she said no and she left. I kind of expected her to say no, you know?”

“Then why do it? Why publicly humiliate yourself like that?” Burn demanded. The very idea made him a little queasy. Putting yourself out there was hard. The only way he would ever propose marriage in public was if he was certain his partner would say yes and that they would be alright with such a public setting. Some people didn’t like that sort of spotlight. 

“Well…because I love her,” Charlie said simply. “I was inspired to write a musical and the musical ended with a proposal." 

Burn swallowed heavily. Despite the context of this waitress clearly not wanting anything to do with Charlie, that answer was rather endearing. 

“And the musical itself went off really well. People really liked it. I’m never going to do it again, of course, because what would be the point if she already said no but it was good and we filmed it. I just wish everyone would stop talking about the rape bit because, well, there is no rape bit and maybe if Frank would’ve managed to say you had to pay a toll to get to the little boy’s soul instead of boy’s hole at any point during the rehearsals or the performance there wouldn’t have been that confusion.” 

“Oh, that sounds just terrible!” Burn exclaimed. “The fact your friends thought there was a rape in there when you didn’t intend for there to be one. Rather bizarre, as well.” 

“Yeah, I couldn’t understand it at first but I really do think it’s just Frank not being able to say that right for some reason,” Charlie said. “Nothing else really makes sense.”

“Well everything you’ve described sounds like you have a ton of musical intelligence.” 

Charlie grinned at him and Burn felt an accompanying smile spring to his own lips. 

They sat there smiling at each other for a few moments before Charlie said, “Though, seriously, there’s a physical activity intelligence? Are you even kidding me?” 

“I’m really not.” 

“Like, most of them I can see. Uh, could you repeat what they were again?” 

Burn listed them off again. 

Charlie nodded. “Yeah, like, most of those sound good. But just because you can run really fast or are really flexible or whatever doesn’t mean you’re smart. It just means you’re a good athlete.” 

“If you don’t agree you’ll have to take it up with Gardner,” Burn said. “I believe he’s still alive. I suppose the idea was to cover every major aspect of the human skillset. And those who have great physical prowess are certainly very talented regardless of if you want to call it intelligence or not.” 

“I don’t.” 

“And that is why I do not believe there are any truly stupid people,” Burn explained. 

Charlie rolled his eyes but he looked amused. “Well of course not if you’re going to go around saying anyone who is good at anything is smart.” 

“What can I say?” Burn asked rhetorically. “I’m an optimist like that. Did Emily explain your diagnosis to you in detail and give you her recommendations and answer any question you had?” 

Charlie nodded a few times, his eyes widening comically. “Yeah, she told me way more than I felt I really needed to know but I guess now I can say I’m an expert on dyslexia or something. Which really came in handy when I was telling the gang about it.” 

“Did it?” 

Charlie laughed. “Oh, yeah, dude! Like they’ve been calling me stupid for years and even if I don’t like to admit the problems I have reading it’s pretty obvious. Like the one time I signed my name Trundle or the time I pointed out a door that I thought said pirate and turned out it said private. Now they can’t say I’m stupid because I have an official diagnosis of an official disability. They all started talking about how they’re definitely not ableist and I didn’t know what that meant so they explained and like…dude, they definitely are but I am not going to argue with them if it gets them to lay off of me.” 

“Well I’m glad to hear that, Charlie,” Burn said sincerely. 

“They wanted to know if this would make me eligible for, like, disability benefits and when they found out it didn’t they lost interest,” Charlie said. “I’m glad, honestly. I didn’t really want to talk about it all that much.” 

“That is perfectly within your right to decide,” Burn said, nodding encouragingly. “You didn’t have to tell them at all but since you did you still don’t have to speak about it when you don’t want to.” 

“Oh, believe me, I am a master at getting out of conversations I don’t want to have,” Charlie assured him. 

Burn laughed. “You know, I quite believe you.” 

“So how are we going to do this whole reading thing?” Charlie asked, rubbing his hands together. “I know that last time you said you weren’t sure but that was a couple weeks ago so you’ve probably had time to look this stuff up, right?” 

Burn had indeed. He had the results of Charlie’s assessment right there before him and saw his areas of strength and the areas that challenged him when it came to reading and writing so he could focus on those instead of working with aspects Charlie had already grasped. He knew it was important to find books that Charlie would find interesting. That might be a little challenging given that books appropriate for Charlie’s reading level were aimed at children but he knew a little of Charlie’s interests and he had found a few books he thought Charlie might like. He knew that with dyslexia multisensory awareness was an important way to help facilitate learning so he planned to have Charlie read aloud and make use of little colorful alphabet magnets. He needed to help Charlie organize the content he was exposed to and directly instruct him when he was stuck. 

He could continue to research and play around with what worked with Charlie and what didn’t but the most important way to improve his reading was to practice and if Charlie was willing to put in the work then Burn was, too. 

He pulled out a book and held it out towards Charlie. “Have you ever heard of What Do You Do With a Chance?”


	4. Chapter 4

Burn couldn’t help the slightly helpless smile that overtook his face when Charlie came bounding into the room. 

“Hey, Doc, I-what?” Charlie asked, grinning confusedly in response.

“Nothing, I just…nothing,” Burn said, shaking his head. 

Charlie dropped down into the seat in front of him. “Oh, no, now you’ve got to tell me.” 

“Well I…” 

Charlie was staring so expectantly at him that Burn found himself quite unable to disappoint him. 

Burn cleared his throat. “Alright. But it’s nothing, really.” 

“A whole lot of hesitation for nothing.” 

“I just…last night I was watching the telly and an old episode of Family Fight came on. Now, I don’t regularly watch this show but I’ve had it playing in the background sometimes and I’m familiar enough with it. I was going to change the channel but then…” Burn trailed off. 

A knowing look came into Charlie’s eyes. “You saw the episode I was on with the gang.” 

“Yes, yes I did. I-I hope you don’t mind.” 

Burn silently kicked himself for saying that. Why should he apologize for watching an episode of television that Charlie had known was going to be aired when he filmed it? Then again, he wouldn’t have known just how that episode turned out. And it wasn’t as though Burn had experienced any schadenfreude witnessing the humiliation of Charlie’s friends. 

“Eh, it’s no big deal,” Charlie said, though he did look a little embarrassed. “I mean, was it my proudest moment? No, of course not. But it was really Dee and Dennis who made asses of themselves on live TV. And Dee passed out so people don’t even really hold that against her. But Dennis…man, he refused to come to the bar for a whole week after that aired. According to Mac he just sat in the apartment and moped around.” 

“I wasn’t speaking of that part,” Burn said softly. 

Charlie tilted his head. “Oh no? What did you want to say about it then?” 

“Well, if you’ll remember, I didn’t want to say anything about it. You’re the one who made me talk about it.” 

Charlie shrugged. “Maybe but you were clearly thinking about something related to it, something good, when you saw me.” 

“I was just thinking how charming the whole thing was.” 

Charlie stared at him. “Charming.” 

“Yes, I just…You were there and you were wearing the exact same green jacket you’re wearing now. I almost always see you in that jacket. Everyone else was dressed up like you’d expect and they all looked very nice of course but it was all rather…generic. Of course you’d dress up for something like that. But you were just so entirely yourself. You wore the clothes you always wear and didn’t try to show off for the cameras.” 

Charlie was smiling shyly at him. “Well, what else was I supposed to do? Dennis told me to look nice but, like, what was I supposed to do? Put on a tux? Get my lawyer clothes on? It was a game show and I thought I did look nice. If I didn’t I wouldn’t wear this jacket so much. Plus it was kind of intimidating with all those cameras and having to compete against other people and guess popular answers and I’m never exactly a master at being normal so it was just…nice to have something familiar, you know? I’m comfortable when I wear it.” 

“Your proverbial armor, I get that,” Burn said, nodding. “The Barretts seemed like a very nice family but I must confess I was rooting for your family.” 

“Really?” Charlie asked, surprised. 

Burn frowned. This shouldn’t be so unexpected. “Yes, of course! I’ve never met these people and you are…”

What was a good word for it? He certainly wasn’t a research participant anymore. He was technically a reading pupil but he wasn’t really a student and that wasn’t the right word for it. Was he a friend? 

Charlie laughed awkwardly to fill the silence. “I am me!” 

“You are the kind of person I would want to root for,” Burn told him. 

“Aw, well, thanks,” Charlie said, biting his lip. “But what about the others?” 

Ah, yes. The others. Now, Burn had met them as well, briefly, and they had made quite the impression. From what he remembered, they had been looking to participate in the study purely for the money when he had first seen Charlie and knew almost instantly that he was the one. Now, it was hardly unusual for that to be the layperson’s primary interest in participating in scientific research and that was why rewards for participation were given in the first place. He had just been surprised to find them so…mercenary about it. But it was just an impression. He didn’t remember that for sure. 

What he did remember was their constant interruptions and mockery during his presentation. But they had still come to support their friend and the older one, Frank, had seemed so happy when Charlie had shaken off the placebo effect and ran off with him to do something or other. While he may have been quite irritated at their antics at the time, he knew it really was uncharitable given he was essentially parading around their friend’s trust in him and the lies they had told and the fool he had subsequently made of himself. He could have led Charlie to do irreparable damage to his personal life. They didn’t have to be polite. He didn’t deserve it just then. 

They were quite the cast of characters. Frank awkwardly hit on the mother from the Barrett family despite it clearly making her uncomfortable which may have been a tactic to unsettle her given how skilled he was at the game and hitting upon all the mainstream answers. Something was clearly fishy about that ‘adoption’ of Mac. Either he was not adopted and no one had checked or he had literally just been adopted to go on the show. Though given they needed five people and this was a tight-knit group, he supposed he couldn’t blame them either way. Dee was clearly nervous on camera and trying way too hard to be provocative with her double entendre but at least it had been a correct answer and not just randomly working something like that into conversation. It had been unfortunate when she passed out she must have landed on some sort of apparatus that made fart noises but what did that matter in the face of her fainting on national television? Mac – how Ronald Reynolds came to be a Mac was beyond him – he felt bad for because he was so excited and trying so hard but maybe it was nerves because he simply could not understand the rules of the game and Grant Anderson had gotten so frustrated with him. Dennis had tried so very hard to be charming and likable and normal and he had done a great job at first but he simply could not hold it together with the buzzer and, well…it was unfortunate that the episode had ended the way that it had. It was perhaps not surprising the show had chosen to air so much of Dennis’ breakdown but it was certainly cruel. All he had really seemed to want to do was attract attention towards his business and that was certainly a relatable motivation. Dennis had received a lot of attention for this he was sure, but not the kind he had wanted. 

Burn wasn’t sure just what Charlie made of his silence but he laughed. “Yeah, exactly.”

“I thought that the host was quite unprofessional,” Burn said at last. 

“You think so?” 

“Yes,” Burn said firmly. “I understand that this is not…not Jerry Springer or Jeremy Kyle type but you would expect a modicum of professionalism from the host. Making fun is all well and good but he seemed to really hate your family despite the fact the unconventional things you said would undoubtedly draw higher ratings.” 

“Yeah, he did seem like kind of a jerk,” Charlie agreed. “What did it matter if Mac kept saying his catch phrase? I mean, he wasn’t trying to steal his thing. He didn’t have to literally say he wasn’t going to ask us anything else the whole time.” 

“Yes it was inconvenient that Dee broke the buzzer but it wasn’t intentional and he was quite cruel to her about her hands,” Burn said. “You could tell she was upset.” 

“Yeah, well, Dee has big gangling hands and she has to hear about it a lot which I know she hates,” Charlie said, shrugging. “I can’t say I’ve never mentioned it to her. But I guess I’ve never said it to millions of people on TV before.” 

“That does tend to make everything more serious. And I don’t even think you even had that complicated of a family dynamic. Frank had twin children it turned out weren’t biologically his. He had some previous relationship with your mother resulting in a strong possibility he is your biological father. Your friend Mac was adopted for the purposes of the show.” 

“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying! He made such a big deal about it like not everyone is two parents and three kids they’re absolutely sure came from the dad!” 

“The situation your friend described may be a little soap opera-y but I have certainly encountered stranger and I refuse to believe Grant Anderson has not.” 

“You have?” Charlie asked, eyes brightening. 

“Oh, certainly,” Burn said, nodding. “But even if I hadn’t and even if he hadn’t, it’s not as though your unusual family situation is something you chose or something to be ashamed of so he really should have tried to act as though he were not surprised by this.” 

“Yeah, you know he got all weird about that bucket of blood, too,” Charlie said. “He could have just said no. He didn’t have to declare it a ‘bio-hazard’ and throw it away. Like I had to go out and get a whole new bucket!” 

Burn raised his eyebrows. 

Charlie laughed. “You have questions. Let me guess, other than the obvious – a bucket full of blood – why do I have one and what is it for?” 

Burn nodded. 

“Well, you know, sometimes you just need blood for some reason. Maybe someone’s bleeding and you don’t want it to get all over Dennis’ car when you take the guy to the hospital. Maybe you caught a rabbit and are trying to prepare it to cook without making a mess. Maybe you just need a DNA test. Like, blood is really hard to get out of stuff and you never know what will happen. And I don’t have any fancy, like, hospital blood getters or whatever.” 

“I suppose that makes sense,” Burn said thoughtfully. “I can honestly say that I have never run into any of those problems but then I know that we lead very different lives. I doubt you ever needed to read an entire dissertation in less than two hours because you forgot about it, have you?” 

“I feel like I want to ask what a dissertation is but also like if the answer is long I don’t really care so that’s a no.” 

Burn laughed. “I completely share the sentiment. Most days I’d rather not know what one is either. A dissertation is just a really long paper on a particular subject you become an expert in, sometimes requiring some kind of study, that you need to present and defend to a group of doctors in order to become a doctor yourself.” 

Charlie looked horrified. “Why would anyone want to do that?” 

“Very few people do,” Burn said. “But it’s a necessary evil to become a doctor and at this point you’ve already put quite a lot of time, effort, and money into the process and it’s one of the last hurdles to jump.” 

Charlie looked thoughtfully at him. “Does that mean you wrote a dissertation, Doc?” 

“Oh, yes, I did.” 

“What’s it about? Three sentences or less, remember, I’m not actually a scientist,” Charlie told him. 

“It was also actually also on human intelligence and the power of suggestibility, Charlie,” Burn said. “I gave volunteers intelligence tests as a baseline and told one group they did much better than how they really did, one group they did much worse than how they really did, and did not give the control group any feedback. They came back in one week later and took a similar intelligence test and their scores were compared to their initial scoring to see if how they perceived their results affected their results on the second test.” 

“Oh, yeah, that is like what you did with me. Tell someone they’re smarter and see if they get smarter. Tell them they’re dumb and see if they get dumb.” 

“Essentially, yes. But there were IRBs and my dissertation chair and I was so new to this that I took extra care and the ethics of my research was never in question,” Burn said. 

Charlie laughed lightly. “I swear, Doc, if you’re going to apologize again…I don’t think anyone has ever apologized to me more than you have. Ever. In my life.” 

On the one hand, Burn was admittedly developing a bad habit of apologizing for the same one event Charlie had already forgiven him for. On the other, he didn’t think he had apologized enough for Charlie’s statement not to be terribly sad if it were actually factual and not just an exaggeration. 

“I wasn’t,” Burn said unconvincingly. 

Charlie laughed again. “You are so weird, dude. But, like, in a good way.” 

“Well as long as it’s in a good way,” Burn said tolerantly. “Have you ever managed to sort out the question of whether or not Frank is your biological father?” 

Charlie sighed. “No. At this point it’s getting a little ridiculous. I mean, it’s been like a lot of years since this first came up. Like since 2006. At some point I’d really just like to know, you know?” 

“Well, pardon my asking and feel free to tell me if you don’t wish to discuss this, why haven’t you just checked? The show mentioned you two, uh, ‘live together in squalor’ and I don’t quite know what that means but it sounds as though you are roommates. I don’t know how difficult obtaining a sample of his blood would be but surely it could be done.” 

“No, I mean, it probably wouldn’t be that hard. I asked him way back when it first came up that my mom had a one night stand with Frank around the time I was conceived. But he had just come around on the fact that he wasn’t Dee and Dennis’ father anymore so he didn’t have to act like it and so he really wasn’t into suddenly getting another kid like that, even if me and Frank always get along way better than he does with Dennis or Dee.” 

Burn frowned. “He discovered that he wasn’t their biological father and so rejected them? That is…after all that time? I suppose they were adults but that is quite unkind. And strange considering he spends a lot of time with them.” 

“Well, to be fair, they rejected him first,” Charlie explained. “They fired him from being their dad and went off chasing their biological dad who was like a super good person or something. But they didn’t really like or fit in with his super-charitable lifestyle, you know? And they couldn’t be what he wanted them to be so they came crawling back to Frank. And he had just had a stroke and been raging about killing the guy for a few days and he was finally seeing the positives of not being a dad anymore. And he really hated his ex-wife and didn’t get along that well with Dennis and Dee. They only wanted him back because it was easier to be his kids and, like, they literally said that to him.” 

“Well that is quite complicated. It is a good thing that never came up on the show or Grant Anderson might have had a stroke!” Burn exclaimed. “But I’m more concerned about you. You said that Frank didn’t want to know when you first suspected you might be his biological son?” 

Charlie nodded. “He eventually told me that my mom had slept with a lot of guys back then, which was probably true, and that she had gotten pregnant but gotten an abortion. But my mom said she went to some seedy place and three months later I was born so the guy must not have done it right or something. But Frank wouldn’t get the blood test which makes me think he must think it’s a possibility because otherwise why not take it and prove he’s not?” 

Burn’s eyes were wide. “Charlie…”

“What?” Charlie asked, laughing self-consciously. “I…it’s pretty weird, right? Being an abortion survivor like that. You probably don’t know anyone that weird.” 

“I wouldn’t say weird,” Burn said quietly. “I would call it miraculous.” 

Charlie mouthed the word silently. 

“At some point, my parents decided they were done having children and my father had a surgery to prevent the conception of any more children. Three years later, my mother found herself pregnant anyway. And while the doctor’s first thought was that my mother had had an affair, the child did belong to my father. Sometimes the body is able to heal partially. The odds were astronomical that he would be able to conceive another child and yet I have a baby brother. My parents always said it was a sign that he was special, that God wanted him to exist so much that He made everything line up and my brother beat the odds and is out there alive today.” 

“Wow,” Charlie breathed. “And…and you think that’s like what happened to me? I wasn’t some impossible pregnancy. My mom just had sex with a lot of guys and got pregnant and then Frank didn’t want me so he made her get an abortion and I couldn’t even get that right.” 

Something deep inside Burn hurt to hear that. “Charlie. I am so very glad that it didn’t work out that way. The world would be a far less unique and interesting place without you in.” 

Charlie smiled shyly. “Yeah?” 

Burn smiled encouragingly at him. “Yeah.”

They stood there for a moment simply smiling at each other.

“And, you know, that may be a reason that factors into why Frank doesn’t want to know,” Burn suggested. “Clearly, despite what he says, he believes there is a non-zero chance that you are right and does not want to take that risk. I don’t know if he believes he would be financially responsible for you or owe your mother child support for the years he did not contribute to your upbringing or if he merely does not want to have to be a responsible father figure to you at this point in his life.” 

“I mean, knowing Frank, all of those are probably true. Not that I even really want a, like, dad-dad you know? Back when Frank first showed up he was trying to be such a good dad to Dennis and Dee and, sure, he really sucked at it but he tried and they just weren’t having it. He was trying to parent Mac and I for a while and we didn’t like that at all. Maybe he thinks it would be different if I knew he was my dad? But all I really want is to know, you know? It doesn’t have to change anything. But I can’t even tell him that because he gets all weird and shuts down the moment it comes up.” 

“There may be some guilt there,” Burn suggested. “As I said, I really don’t know this man. But you two are so close and he cares so much about you and if he finds out you were his and he tried to get your mother to terminate the pregnancy? Well…I don’t imagine that is something I would find easy to live with.” 

Charlie made a face. ”Yeah, but you don’t understand, Frank’s not like that. He’s…but then he did carry a creepy mannequin of me around when he thought I was dead that one time. He claimed he knew I was alive the whole time like Dennis, did, but no one believed that.” 

“What was this about you being supposedly dead one time?” 

“Oh, yeah. Uh, Mac’s dad was getting out of prison and we thought he wanted to kill us because we might have gotten him in trouble the last time we saw him so we tried to fake our own deaths. Turns out we were just getting overly paranoid. It was fine.” 

“Well, I’m glad that worked out and you didn’t have to stay dead for long. That…does not sound like a feasible long-term solution.” 

“Well I don’t know about that but we really didn’t think that one through and we couldn’t have kept it up forever. We were just crashing on top of the bar, you know?” Charlie asked rhetorically. 

“That whole situation is a bit of a mess, isn’t it? With Frank, I mean. I know you had the bucket of blood that presumably carried some of his blood when you went on the show,” Burn said. “So you’ve thought about testing it since then.” 

“Well, yeah,” Charlie said. “Of course I have. I mean, it’s been like years and ‘why don’t I have a dad’ has been one of those questions I’ve only asked myself forever! And that one time Frank decided he wanted to retire for like five minutes before coming back I tried to have it tested. We had all agreed that if anything happened to one of us our firstborn would get our stuff. Which was weird because none of us even had kids but it is what it is. Dennis and Dee thought they should get the bar but since they’re not his kids and I might be I wanted to get it tested. But I guess I went about that the wrong way and there was too much blood from too many different people? I don’t know. The guy said he couldn’t help me. Then Dennis and Dee stopped being on the same side and she came to me and she was older so it didn’t even matter. And, like, if they had needed to prove my blood relation to Frank then it would have been a good time to sort that out but they didn’t so I still don’t know.” 

“Forgive me for saying this, Charlie, but it seems like you’re being remarkably passive about this whole thing.” At Charlie’s questioning look, Burn elaborated, “You aren’t trying all that hard to figure this out.” 

Charlie fidgeted. “Yeah, I know. I could go home right now and get some blood – whether he wanted to do this or not – and figure out how to get it tested. But I don’t just want to know. I want him to be okay with the idea that he may have sired me and that he didn’t want me then but we’re buddies now and it’s okay. And until he’s willing to do that, I just don’t see what the point is of having science tell me what’s what. It wouldn’t make me feel any better. It might even make me feel worse. Either because he’s right and once again I have no idea who my dad is or because I know who it is and he doesn’t want it to be true. Even though I’m probably the only person he actually cares about besides himself.” 

Burn found himself nodding along with Charlie as he spoke. “Yes, yes I can definitely understand that. Sometimes it’s not enough to know that you can do something by yourself. You want someone else to be willing to do it with you. And you deserve that, Charlie. You really do. I hope you’re able to find what you seek.” 

Charlie snorted. “I wouldn’t hold your breath.” His eyes softened. “But thank you.” 

“There’s no need. I…You’re welcome.” 

“I did find your team far more entertaining than the usual teams,” Burn said. “I...don’t really want to know the details of Frank having seen many pigs eating many men. I know what Dennis said about him making a weird joke but I really do believe him. He tried to change his answer in the name of accuracy even though he had the highest points and there’s a sort of honor to that that I admittedly find surprising from what I know of Frank.” 

“Huh. I’d never really thought about that but, yeah, we didn’t cheat like at all on this,” Charlie said, surprised. “Not, uh, that we normally would but…yeah.” 

“I had actually heard that pigs will eat humans though not under normal circumstances,” Burn said. “We are hardly their prey. But the goal was not to be necessarily accurate but to go by what people thought. Dennis’ answer I’d say was correct. Sea urchins are animals people can eat that will not eat us. A little highbrow and obscure to be the answer here but not incorrect. I must say, I did feel rather bad for him during this game.” 

This clearly surprised Charlie. “Feel bad? For Dennis? Like for real? I mean, I guess you don’t really know him but he is a total dick. An absolute bastard man.” 

“I couldn’t possibly judge his character after our brief interactions but I rather think that’s beside the point,” Burn said. “I’m not here to diagnose him-”

“Oh, we already got him diagnosed,” Charlie interrupted.

“But it seems to me that he was suffering from a clear case of sensory overload as the episode progressed.” 

“I mean, you seem really smart so you’re probably right but, Doc, I’ve got to tell you that I just don’t have any idea what that is.” 

“Ah, of course,” Burns aid. He paused and thought of the best way to describe this. “Sensory overload is when at least one of your senses becomes overwhelmed by the environment. Perhaps you suddenly can't bear the feeling of feeling your clothes on your skin or seeing bright lights. In this case, the loud and rather grating buzzing sound was causing problems for your friend Dennis. He tried to manage it. He knew what the problem was and requested multiple times that it be turned down but his request was ignored. Sensory overload can manifest in a variety of ways such as becoming more irritable, shutting down and not interacting with others at all, covering your eyes or ears, or having difficulty focusing.” 

“Sensory overload,” Charlie repeated. “You know, I think I’ve had that before?” 

“Have you?” Burn asked sympathetically. “Then you know how it is. I wondered if that might be it when he first started reacting negatively to the bell, particularly with how focused he had been on putting on a good face for the cameras, but by the end I was sure. He had been so jovial in the first round and then in the second he took offense at a causal barb and overexplained why it was not true. Frank was so good at the final round even Grant was impressed and Dennis only needed to get five points to win. Given that Frank had previously displayed his aptitude at understanding how people think, I do have to wonder why he wasn’t originally chosen to go and only went up after Dee’s unfortunate fainting?” 

“Oh, well, we wanted him to go but Dennis was worried he’d do something gross like talk more about his toe knife,” Charlie explained. “I don’t think he did but to be honest Frank says so much shit that sometimes if it’s not too bad for him I forget other people might still be grossed out.” 

“It’s what you’re used to. Dennis…despite his clear advantage all he could think of were the same ones Frank said. And that’s understandable because Frank named the obvious answers. But I was shouting answers at my telly. Every time the buzzer went off he looked so pained. He ended up literally collapsing to the floor and curling up into a fetal position and that-that horrible host was clearly enjoying this so much! He was outright grinning as he called it the most embarrassing display he had ever seen instead of reacting with one ounce of empathy! Your friend was begging him to please not air it and swearing this did not represent him as a person and I quite agree. One meltdown caused by sensory overload is not the sum of a man’s life and not how he should be showed to the world. And even if the policy was to air the episodes no matter what and there was nothing Grant could do, he clearly did not regret this at all. So that is why, despite what a bad person you say he may be, I couldn’t help but feel compassion for him after embarrassing himself so thoroughly in front of an uncaring public who likely found it just as humorous as Grant Anderson did.” 

Charlie stared at him for a long time and eventually a slow smile spread across his face. 

“What?” Burn asked anxiously, reflexively straightening his necktie. “Do you think I’m taking what happened on a game show years ago too seriously?” 

“No, it’s not that,” Charlie said. “I just…you’re maybe the nicest person I know, you know that? You don’t know all the things Dennis has done that stopped any of us from feeling sorry for him but you don’t know and care about him the way we do, either. He’s just some guy who is friends with a guy you’re helping out, a…whatever you want to call it. And you cared. You cared enough you went on this whole rant about how unfair it was.” 

“I…would want to call it a friendship.” 

Somehow, Charlie’s smile managed to get even wider. “Doc, you’re just…Yeah. Friends. I like that.” 

“I like that, too,” Burn said stupidly. He cleared his throat. “I, uh, had some thoughts about you on the show, you know. Since I was rooting for you and all.” 

Charlie’s smile just somehow continued to brighten. “Oh really? Tell me all about how awesome I was.” 

“Gladly,” Burn said warmly. “I’ll admit, I was surprised that your answer to what do we eat that doesn’t eat us was dragons. Personally I would have gone with a fish. But then you explained your thought process and it just…I loved hearing it.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Burn echoed. “Grant tried to trip you up by asking if you had ever eaten a dragon but you don’t have to have eaten something to know people eat things. I’m sure some of the people they surveyed were vegetarians who didn’t eat any of those. And you explained, well, dragons are luxury items. I don’t believe in dragons, as it happens, but I suppose I can’t completely rule out their existence and they will either exist or not regardless of what I believe. Well, if dragons do exist they must be hard to hunt given how big and powerful they are. They breathe fire! So if a dragon is successfully killed it makes sense that it would be a feast fit for a king and not the average person on the street. It’s like one of those things. Sure I could order a drink with real gold poured into it but that is the most ridiculous and ostentatious waste of money I have ever heard of so I won’t do it.” 

Charlie made a face. “Drinking gold? That sounds disgusting.” 

“And I don’t imagine the taste would be very good, no. I was intrigued by your justification of dragons’ hoarding behavior. Most people, I suppose, just view it as dragons are greedy or attracted to shiny objects but that seems a rather superficial reason for such an integral part of the mythos. Dragons eat treasure. It explains things perfectly. Though I do have to wonder where the part about dragons not eating people comes from.” 

“Oh, well, I don’t have any big fancy cool answer for you or anything,” Charlie said, looking down and biting his lip. “It’s just what made sense to me, right? You always hear when like a lion attacks a person, right? Or a bear? Well I have never once heard of someone being eaten by a dragon and it just seems to me that if something like that would have happened I would have heard about it.” 

Burn let out a surprised chuckle. “I really can’t argue with that. I remember all your friends were telling you that was a bad answer and, while I am very surprised it was the right answer, it felt like a brilliant answer to me. And maybe only one other person believed that but they did and you just looked so happy when you were told you were right. You were dancing and the look on your face when you told them ‘I told you’…Well watching that made me so very happy you had been right.” 

“Being happy someone else is happy,” Charlie mused. “Being happy I’m happy. You’re a good friend, Doc.” 

“I, uh, do rather endeavor to be,” Burn said awkwardly. “Quite a few of the answers were unconventional. I would never have thought of a bride for a groom but it’s actually rather brilliant.” 

“Brilliant?” Charlie asked softly. 

Burn nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, yes! It’s a great play on words. Everyone else was thinking of the same definition of tidying ones appearance but the question never specified. And how do you groom yourself? Well, with a bride, in most cases. You cannot be a groom without either a bride or another groom.” 

“See, that’s what I thought!” Charlie exclaimed excitedly. “That’s what I thought and no one else got it!” 

Burn tilted his head. “Oh, did you know that one?”

“Well…remember earlier when I said no one cheated?” Charlie asked awkwardly. “I totally didn’t cheat or anything but it turns out, and I had completely forgotten about this, I was one of the people surveyed for this. And those answers only one person put that I knew? Those were from me.” 

That did make a certain kind of sense and why was this just making the whole thing better? Really. 

“The Nightman,” 

Charlie tensed. “What about him?”

“That was the final answer for what are you most afraid of. Grant didn’t know what he was and neither do I.”

“I-Well…it’s just a guy, you know? A character, if you will. He comes into your room when you’re young and innocent and he makes you a man and maybe it’s kind of scary and painful but it’s important and it helped you grow up and it just…I don’t really like talking about him, much,” Charlie rambled. “People always get the wrong idea. They think it’s about…well never mind that. It’s not. End of story.” 

Burn didn’t know what Charlie was talking about except that there was this hollow feeling in his gut that said that maybe he did. But Charlie’s eyes were wide and pleading so instead he said, “I liked the dancing.” 

“The…dancing?” 

“Yes. Normally I am a big proponent of sportsmanship and the celebratory dance you all did was the exact opposite of that but you were all so happy and I find you to be a very good dancer. I enjoyed getting to see you enjoying the moment like that.” 

“Well I’m glad. We kind of needed that moment. After all, things…did not exactly work out for us.” 

“Yes, and that reminds me. That man wishing you good luck? The one that…looked unwell?” 

“Oh, you mean Cricket? Yeah, you can just say that he looks like a homeless junkie who got mysteriously burned one time, man, because that’s what he is.” 

“I really couldn’t,” Burn replied. “He said that you had paid him to say that? I was just wondering why you chose him and not someone who perhaps would be willing to wish you well for free.” 

“Ah, see, the gang asked that as well,” Charlie said, nodding. “And they had a whole list of suggestions about who else I could have asked. But none of them occurred to me and Cricket was right there and maybe if they wanted to do it they should have done it themselves in the first place.” 

“I suppose there is a certain logic in that,” Burn agreed. “It’s so easy to be a Monday morning quarterback.” He reached out and grabbed the book he brought with him. “Today I brought Cat Diaries: Secret Writings of the MEOW Society.”

Charlie’s eyes lit up. “Okay, not going to lie, that sounds really fucking awesome. But I…well, I’m still kind of thinking about Cricket, you know?” 

“Oh?” 

“He’s really ugly now, man. I know you probably won’t think it’s polite to say-”

“I don’t.” 

“But that doesn’t mean it’s not true and you saw how everyone reacted to seeing him. But I knew him a little before he became homeless and got addicted to drugs and all that. He wasn’t a bad-looking guy. And it got me thinking on the concept of ugliness. Do you think I’m ugly, Doc?” 

No. 

Burn blinked rapidly a couple of times. “Well…I…”

“Because I don’t think so, you know? But one time when Frank first asked me about moving in he said he wanted to be something like ugly and desperate and poor and, like, I didn’t think I was ugly. And the waitress called me an ugly little troll once. And I guess people don’t normally talk about what I look like and I just…am I wrong? Am I ugly? Not like Cricket ugly, of course, but like normal person ugly?” 

“No,” Burn finally managed to say. “No I do not believe you are.” 

Charlie slumped back, relieved. “Well that’s good. Thank you.” He frowned. “But then why would they say that?” 

“I really can’t say, not having been there or knowing those people.” 

Charlie leaned forward. “But you must have some idea, right? You’re a really smart guy like that.” 

Burn told himself firmly that just because his face felt heated did not mean he was blushing. “I suppose I could brainstorm?” 

“Oh, yeah, that’d be great! Just give me some ideas, man!” 

“It looks like perhaps you haven’t bathed today,” Burn said delicately. Or the day before most likely. “There may be some sort of odor. And I don’t know what kind of stain is on your shirt but it does not look very hygienic.” 

Charlie looked down in surprise. “My shirt?” His hands went up to his hair. “Huh? You think that maybe if I washed things more often people wouldn’t think I was so ugly and gross?” 

“It couldn’t hurt,” Burn said simply. 

Charlie narrowed his eyes. “You never said anything.” 

“It never bothered me. I never thought you were ugly and it’s not my place to critique your choices. But you asked about other people and that is my best guess there.” 

Charlie sniffed his jacket thoughtfully. “I see. Maybe I’ll think about that. I clean everything else up so much for work that I kind of hate having to do more cleaning for myself on top of everything else. But, like, I still can’t think about the waitress going off on me that one time without tearing up so maybe it could be worth it. I don’t know. We’ll see. I could do like a trial run or something.” 

“Well I wish you the best of luck with that.” 

Charlie rolled his eyes good naturedly. “Of course you do. Now what did you say about a secret society of cats?”


	5. Chapter 5

Charlie came bounding into the office with his usual smile but with a slightly nervous air to him. 

It took Burn a moment before he thought he understood why. 

Instead of his usual green jacket, Charlie was wearing a black jacket with red stripes and a tiger patch on it. He had a green t-shirt and black pants. There was not a stain in sight. His hair was slightly damp. 

Burn smiled, feeling he should acknowledge this but not make too big of a deal out of it. “You look nice today, Charlie.” 

The tension drained out of Charlie’s body. “Oh, uh, thanks. I was thinking a lot about last time. It’s hard to keep clean sometimes so I started bring a change of clothes to work but the other day a customer was asking about something and Dee didn’t know if he was looking for me, Mac, or Dennis. She asked if he wanted the vain one, the gay one, or the dirtgrub. And it turned out he was looking for me but, like, he didn’t know what she meant. That has never happened to me before. Everyone always knows dirtgrub means me.” 

“Well I don’t,” Burn said. “That sounds like a horrible nickname.” 

“Oh, tell me about it,” Charlie agreed. “But that’s just how it is. Or maybe was? Like it hasn’t been that long but eventually Dee just said the short one. Which…I mean…I don’t love and I’m not that short but it’s still a step up.”

“So you’d call this experiment a success then?” Burn asked. 

Charlie blinked then gave a startled smile. “An experiment? Like…like this is science?” 

It filled Burn with a warm feeling to see that Charlie was clearly so thrilled with the idea. “I think so. After all, you had a hypothesis. People would treat you better if you displayed better hygiene. You have a lot of data about how they treated you with your usual level of hygiene. And now you are testing your theory by displaying improved hygiene and observing the differences in your treatment. It sounds like a basic science experiment to me.” 

“That is so cool!” Charlie exclaimed, jumping and punching the air. “Wait until I tell Mac I’m conducting my own science experiment! He won’t believe it!” 

Burn smiled at him. “I wish more people had your clear enthusiasm for science, Charlie.” 

“Hey would you…” Charlie trailed off, looking at his feet. 

“Would I what?”

“Would you maybe…want to take a walk with me?” Charlie asked all in a rush. 

“Yes.” 

“You know, just get some fresh air and-Oh, you would?” Charlie’s head snapped up and he looked confused. “I…well, that’s great!” 

It was brave of Charlie to ask even if he was sure the answer would be no. Why had he thought Burn would refuse, though? It was just a walk and it was a nice day. They had been talking quite a bit when Charlie came in to practice reading so why not get a chance to get out of the office while they do it? 

“Yes, it’s a wonderful idea,” Burn assured him. “In fact, I think I know something you’ll like very much.” 

“Well I like the sound of that!” Charlie exclaimed. 

The two of them made their way through the building and to the outside. 

“You know, I’ve always liked science,” Charlie told him. “I mean, I don’t understand a lot of it but then I’m not like a doctor or anything fancy like that. But I try to do my part. I recycle when there’s a recycling thing around. I burn trash so it turns into stars. I hunt for ghouls. I know if I ever manage to catch one it’ll be, like, a major scientific find. And I love magnets.” 

The problem with talking to Charlie, Burn found, was that often he just gave Burn so much information that was so fascinating that he wanted to ask about everything he said and that just wasn’t feasible. What was he supposed to do, right down everything Charlie said and question him point by point and keep adding to the list as Charlie said more things that he wanted to hear him expound upon? That was just not how conversations worked and he was wary of the idea of writing down the things Charlie said anyway. It felt too close to studying him. 

“Do you?” Burn asked, trusting Charlie would answer about whichever one of those he found most interesting. 

“Oh, yeah,” Charlie said, nodding. “Dennis and Mac asked me one time what I did with magnets, how they were my hobby, but, like, it’s not anything specific, you know? It’s just…magnets. Not to say that I don’t like getting cool magnets and putting them up places or spelling out words with magnets or anything. Just that that’s really not the point.” 

“I’ve always had a bit of a thing for magnets,” Burn told him. “I used to love to try and push together opposing magnets and pull apart magnets that were attracted to each other. Just the force…it’s impossible to describe. When I was younger I suppose I thought of it as magic. I could understand intellectually why the magnets were moving towards or against each other. But at some point they moved my hands. The pull of the magnets together or apart was stronger than my grip and the sensation was rather amazing. It was hardly a very intellectually stimulating pursuit but I could spend hours playing with magnets that way.” 

Charlie stopped walking. “Doc.” 

Burn stopped as well and turned back towards him. “Hm?” 

Charlie’s eyes were shining. “No one ever gets me. Like ever. They just look at things like ‘my hobby is magnets’ and think I’m being so goddamn weird. And maybe I am. But you get it. That’s…that’s it exactly. I’m sure a responsible classy guy like you doesn’t know just how much fun magnets can be when you’re high or drunk but they’re still a lot of fun sober. It’s kind of like a higher power, you know? Not like God or anything but…you’re just in the normal, boring world and then there’s this force you can feel around you and it’s these little tiny magnets that can just be so strong. I love magnets, I really do.” 

Burn smiled at him. “I’m in good company then.” 

“I guess we both are,” Charlie said, smiling back at him. 

They started walking again. 

“This place is so nice,” Charlie said happily. 

“It is, isn’t it?” Burn asked rhetorically. “The campus is so beautiful in the fall and the spring. Summer, too, though I am here less often then. I can’t say I’m particularly fond of the winters.”

“Why not?” Charlie asked. “A classy place like this must have like Christmas lights up and be really nice in the winter.” 

“Well, yes, it is very beautiful,” Burn said. “But I’ve never been a big fan of the cold.” 

Charlie laughed. “Dude, you live in Pennsylvania. I mean, I’m sure it’s colder up in Canada or whatever but come on.” 

“I know,” Burn said ruefully. “And it’s not like Britain wasn’t a frozen nightmare at times. But I don’t think I’ll ever really get used to the cold. At least there is the beauty to make up for the cold but the temperature sort of causes the decorations to lose something.” 

“I wish I had a place like this growing up,” Charlie said wistfully. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I know this place is a college and, like, for people once they graduate high school. There’s no swing sets or slides or anything. But there was this kind of shitty pool we had that which was nice. But then Jamie Nelson drowned in it and it was this whole thing and they closed it down. We tried to get it up and running again but…that did not work out. And like we’d go to the trainyard and stuff. We had some fun in the neighborhood. But there was never anything like this for us and I just think maybe it would have been nice, you know?” 

Burn’s childhood had involved frequent trips to the park with his siblings. His mother read when she took them and when it was his father he graded papers. He had made the best friends there that he knew he might never see again and broken his arm jumping off the swings and made the longest game of hopscotch ever with chalk. He had begged his parents for ice cream every time he heard the truck and gotten a splinter in his tongue when his sister had dared him to eat a woodchip and swung upside down on the monkey bars. He had flown kites and chased frogs and hidden when it was time to go. 

He didn’t think about those days a lot but he wouldn’t have traded them for the world. And it sounded like Charlie had never gotten to experience that. 

“Yeah,” Burn said softly. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Well, I hope you know that you are welcome on to this campus any time you wish. It’s a private university, of course, but many of the buildings – including several libraries on the weekdays – are open to the public and no one would stop you from just walking around the campus.” 

Charlie smiled brightly at him. “Thank you, Doc. I’m not sure I’d want to come here without you but I really appreciate that. You make me feel almost like I’m not out of place here. I totally am, of course. I barely graduated high school. Dennis went here, though. And Dee for a semester but there was this whole thing with her roommate and she had to leave.” 

“I think you fit in fine,” Burn said firmly. 

Charlie laughed self-deprecatingly. “Doc, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the thought but this place is like Harvard. I’m working my way through children’s books. Be realistic.” 

“You may not ever graduate from here like your friend Dennis did but this is a school. A place of learning. And you care so much about learning. How could you possibly not belong? And if I belong here and I say you belong here then you simply must.” 

“Okay, Doc,” Charlie said like he was indulging him but he looked pleased nonetheless. 

“Ah, this is it!” Burn exclaimed as he spotted what he was looking for. 

“What are we looking at?” Charlie asked, gamely trailing behind Burn. 

“This,” Burn said, proudly gesturing towards the bench that had Benjamin Franklin lounging on it and enjoying something he was reading in the newspaper in his hand. “It was a gift from the class of 1962 for their 25th class reunion though it was moved in 1992.”

Charlie frowned thoughtfully. “That guy looks familiar.”

“Yes, he-”

“No, no, don’t tell me, I’ve got this,” Charlie interrupted. “Oh, oh, it’s that president guy! On the hundred dollar bill! Benjamin Franklin.” 

Burn smiled at that. “You’re right! Well, about most of it.” 

Charlie, who had been beaming at the confirmation that he was right, frowned. “What do you mean ‘most of it’?” 

“Benjamin Franklin was never a United States president. A lot of people think that he was because they know him and don’t know anyone else from that time period who wasn’t a president except maybe Benedict Arnold or Betsy Ross or people like that who obviously were not. And he is the only non-president who is on non-specialty money.” 

“But he wasn’t a president?” 

Burn laughed. “No but he was about everything else. He was a diplomat and signed the Declaration of Independence and did great work with electricity and helped found a library and a fire department and the United States Postal Service. And he was so brilliant and wrote so many brilliant and witty works. He was…he was just fantastic.” 

Charlie laughed. “Sounds like you had a massive nerd crush on him.” 

Burn let out a startled laugh. “Well, I don’t know about nerd crush but I have a certain historical fascination with him and his work.”

Charlie nodded. “Total nerd crush.”

“Well, what about you? Who’s your historical crush?” 

Charlie laughed. “What about me makes you think I’d have a historical crush? Only nerds do that and, despite my vast experience with bird law, I am anything but a nerd.” 

“Oh, come now. Marilyn Monroe is still quite the sexual icon even though she died over fifty years ago and not everyone who has a thing for her would be considered a nerd,” Burn said. 

“Okay, how about her?” 

Burn crossed his arms. “No, you can’t just use the example.”

“Well what if she really was my celebrity crush?” 

“I said historical not celebrity.” 

“Well that then,” Charlie amended. 

“You just claimed you didn’t have one now you want it to be who I mentioned. I’m starting to think that your secret crush might be embarrassing.” 

“I would never like anyone embarrassing!” Charlie claimed. “Me liking them is proof that they are wonderful and good and amazing!” 

“I’m glad to hear it,” Burn said. “So who is it? Tell me or I’ll start guessing and it will get progressively more embarrassing.” 

“And it’ll take forever looking up all these people on your phone,” Charlie said. “Fine, fine. Indiana Jones.” 

Burn coughed. “Charlie, that’s not a real person.” 

“The first movie is set in the 30s,” Charlie said. “That’s totally historical. And, like, he fights Nazis and stuff! And he beats all these ancient curses and shit and he slides under doors that are going to seal him inside but then grabs his hat. And that time that that guy was waving his sword around all badass and stuff and then Indiana Jones just shoots him? And, like, he’s a really smart guy. He’s a college professor and all. Very classy.” 

It was suddenly a lot warmer than it had been before and Burn simply could not account for the slightly dizzy feeling he was experiencing. He wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Well…that’s…alright then.” 

Charlie grinned at him. “Tongue-tied? Yeah, Harrison Ford’s been known to do that to me, too.”

“I wasn’t aware you were interested in men as well as women,” Burn said. 

Charlie shrugged. “Well, it’s really just the Waitress I’ve been interested in for so long so things like that don’t really matter. But yeah, I figured that one out like ages ago. I didn’t want to turn into Mac, after all. I may be confused about many things but the fact that I am totally cool kissing guys or girls if I know them really well and like them and would probably have to really really like them like unbelievably well like the Waitress level of liking before I would maybe want to have sex with them is not one of them.” 

“Well I’m glad that you’re so sure in your identity like that,” Burn said. “I know that that can be a confusing topic for many people in our heteronormative society.” 

Charlie rolled his eyes at him. “Oh, come on, Doc. I know that you know that I have no idea what that word means.” 

“What? Oh, right, sorry. Heteronormative. That is the world view that heterosexuality is the normal or preferred sexual orientation. It’s like when a boy and a girl baby are playing together and people joke about them being girlfriend and boyfriend and I saw a post once about a lesbian wedding where someone had commented a double wedding was best friend goals and asked if there were pictures of their husbands.” 

“Oh, yeah, Mac was super heteronomitive. So hetronimative he had to come out twice because he took the first one back within like a day.” 

“Heteronormative,” Burn said slower. 

“Heteronormative,” Charlie repeated. “Yep. Got it. I’m going to call him this later. I bet he doesn’t even know what it means.” 

Burn smiled at that. He knew that Charlie’s friends didn’t think much of his intelligence and while that upset Burn on principle he knew Charlie mostly didn’t mind. Still, he did like the thought of Charlie being able to prove himself like that. Even if his friends did know the word, it was still going to say something that Charlie did and could correctly use it in a sentence. 

“What about you?” Charlie asked. 

“What about me?” 

“We talked about what I’m into. How about you?” 

“Oh, I’m gay,” Burn said. “There’s never been any question of that.” 

“Cool.” 

They stood there looking at the statue for a moment. 

“Hey, do you think I could take like a selfie with this?” Charlie asked suddenly. “I really want to take one.” 

Burn smiled. “You should definitely take a selfie with him. Take as many as you want,” he said warmly. 

“Okay,” Charlie said excitedly. He sat down right now to Benjamin Franklin. “Hey, hey, get in here with me!” 

“Me?” Burn asked, surprised. 

“Yeah, come on! It won’t be any fun taking a bunch of selfies by myself!” 

“They are called ‘selfies’ not ‘pictures I took of myself and someone else.’”

“A selfie just means you took it yourself. Now come on! You’re the one who showed this to me and I want to remember this.” 

Well when he put it that way how could Burn possibly refuse? 

Wordlessly he walked over to Charlie and moved where he directed him to. Charlie had both of them sit on one of Franklin's knees and take turns lying down on his legs. Charlie was petting the bird in one of them and Burn was stealing his newspaper in another. They put on sunglasses and posed with their arms crossed standing behind Franklin. Charlie gave the statue bunny ears. Charlie had a million creative ideas for pictures and even though objectively it was all rather silly, Burn found himself laughing quite a bit and joking with Charlie. He was having more fun than he had had in a while. And it was over something so simple, something he had never thought of doing himself. 

He had wanted to show Charlie the statue, had expected him to enjoy it. He had not expected this. 

His face hurt from smiling so much, he realized. When was the last time this had happened? 

Charlie was good for him, he decided. He knew how to bring joy to things. 

Yes, it really was a good thing that they were friends.


	6. Chapter 6

There was a knock at Burn’s office door. 

It wasn’t office hours but he would endeavor to help whoever was there just the same. 

He only hoped it wouldn’t take too long. He was getting rather hungry and would prefer to get a chance to eat before his next class. 

Burn stood up and opened the door. He blinked uncertainly to see Charlie standing there. Charlie had not knocked since their very first meeting here in his office and, to the best of his recollection, he had simply barged in before Burn had had a chance to greet him. 

“Charlie,” Burn greeted him, surprised. “We weren’t supposed to meet until later.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Charlie said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I just…is this okay? Are you busy? I can come back.” 

“No, no, it’s fine. Did you want to move our appointment? Has something come up? You could have called and not had to come all the way down here in case I was busy.” 

“No, the appointment’s fine,” Charlie said, staring at the picture of the human brain Burn had hanging up behind him. “I just wanted to know if maybe you…”

“Charlie, please look at me,” Burn said gently. 

Reluctantly, Charlie’s eyes moved to meet his. 

“Anything you say, I’m not going to judge you,” Burn said. “I promise.” 

“You can’t know that,” Charlie objected. “You don’t know what I’m going to say.” 

“Have I ever judged you before?” Burn asked. 

“Well, no.” 

“And I’ve heard some pretty…” Burn trailed off, struggling to find the right word. 

“Fucked up?” Charlie offered. 

“Unusual things,” Burn finally settled on. “Things that I very well may have judged you or your friends about if I were that kind of man.” 

“Yeah, I guess that cult thing did get kind of out of hand,” Charlie said slowly. 

That had not been at all what Burn had been referring to but it really didn’t matter and he was not here to start pulling up the things Charlie had told him to upset him. Particularly when the goal was to do the exact opposite. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Burn continued. “I would never make you. But you came here for a reason and, if you’re comfortable, I would like to hear what that is.” 

“I was just wondering…if maybe…” Charlie scrunched his eyes closed and his shoulders tensed. “You might like to go to lunch with me?” 

“Lunch,” Burn repeated. “Right now?” 

Charlie opened his eyes and nodded. “Yeah. I mean, if you’re not busy. I just figured we always end up talking so long before we start reading that we might as well get something to eat or something? Save time? Or…I don’t know.” 

Burn frowned, a hollow feeling materializing in the pit of his stomach. It was impossible, he had found, to speak to Charlie without the conversation going on a number of tangents but lately their conversations lasted longer and longer before they got into Charlie’s actual reason for being there. Charlie had even suggested they go on a number of walks which Burn had found very lovely and that Charlie had seemed to enjoy as well. It had never occurred to him that maybe that was in an effort to liven things up without having to come right out and tell the man who agreed to help him for free achieve something that would ordinarily cost quite a lot that he was wasting Charlie’s time. Guilt quickly joined the hollow feeling. Just because he was doing Charlie what he knew was a massive favor did not mean he had the right to impose on him like that no matter how much he enjoyed the man’s company. 

“I’m sorry, are-”

“Oh, oh, no, that’s fine,” Charlie quickly interrupted, beginning to back away. 

Burn realized belatedly they’d been having this conversation in the doorway. 

“I’ll just…I’ll just come back. It’s no big deal. It’s fine. Really.” 

“Charlie,” Burn said. 

Charlie kept walking backwards and he was going to bump into something. 

“Charlie, wait!” 

Charlie stopped abruptly. “What?” 

“Can you…can you come back here please?” 

Looking extremely hesitant, Charlie went back to approximately where he had been standing earlier. 

“I wasn’t turning you down,” Burn said. 

Charlie’s faced scrunched up. “You weren’t? That’s how classy people usually say no to someone, with an apology.” 

Burn’s face warmed for no apparent reason. “Well, I don’t know about that. I was just trying to ask if it took me too long to get to the lesson and you wished to start sooner and waste less time talking to me. That was what the ‘I’m sorry’ was for. It was predicated on the idea that the answer was yes.”

Charlie shook his head wildly. “Oh, no, not at all! I like that part. It helps, uh, build report. No, the other one. Uh…rapport! Right? Us talking and getting to know each other and all?” 

Burn smiled slowly at that. “I’d like to think so, yes.” 

Charlie grinned back, relieved. “And if you were worrying that I didn’t want to spend so much time doing that then I guess that means that you’re not thinking we spend too much time doing that. Because I know you’re great and you think it’s really important to help everyone and all but there’s a difference between having to help me read better and all that other time we spend talking.” 

“I-I actually quite enjoy that,” Burn said. 

Charlie let out a startled smile. “Y-you do?” 

“Of course. You are such a lively and engaging person, Charlie.” 

“You like spending time with me. Time you don’t have to,” Charlie said, clearly having trouble wrapping his mind around the concept. 

Burn felt a strange tugging at his heart. What had he done to make Charlie doubt that? He didn’t know but he resolved to pay more attention and make sure he did not do it again. 

“Charlie, even if I did not particularly enjoy spending time with you I would still be professional and help you. You have never done anything to justify me rescinding that offer of help. You come on time or early to every appointment we have, you do everything I ask of you to do, and I can tell how hard you are trying and how motivated you are,” Burn said. 

“Yeah, I figured that was the case,” Charlie said. “So that’s why I didn’t know if you minded me being around here or not, because it wouldn’t stop you either way.” 

“You didn’t let me finish,” Burn said. “If I didn’t want to spend any extra time with you then I wouldn’t. I never would have went for a walk with you and our time together would be as tangent-free as I could make it. If we were scheduled to meet for an hour then it would be for an hour and that is it. The fact that I’m not watching the clock and only make sure to have you out of here by a certain time if I happen to have another meeting or class starting means that this is hardly a part of my work I dread.” 

Charlie was smiling. “That’s a really long way of saying you like spending time with me, too.” 

“Too?” Burn asked stupidly. 

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, of course! Come on, Doc. If I didn’t like you, you’d know. Believe me.” 

Burn didn’t quite know what Charlie meant by that but he couldn’t help believing him. He cleared his throat. “So. Lunch, you said?” 

“Yeah. So. What do you say?” 

“Well, I don’t have a lot of time,” Burn said, glancing down at his lock. “Just the hour before I’m supposed to be back here. But if you can think of a place where we can do that then I would love to accompany you to lunch.” 

“Oh, sweet, dude! I saw this Subway on my way here and it’s only like a mile or two away and you know that stuff doesn’t take all that long so we could make it there and back easy.” 

“Subway,” Burn said consideringly. “Yes, I believe I know where that is. Should we take my car or yours?” 

“Oh, uh,” Charlie began rubbing at his arm. “I took the bus here. I don’t think there’s a stop by there and we’d need to look at schedules and all that. And, you know, there’s always so many people on the bus and some of them are really weird or gross and all.” 

Burn could have kicked himself. “Let’s take my car then. As a faculty member, I never have to worry about parking and it will give us more time to eat.” 

Charlie laughed. “Yeah, like you need that at Subway.” 

They headed out to Burn’s car and Charlie stopped dead right in front of it. 

“Holy shit, dude. This is your car?” He let out a long, low whistle. 

“I…yes? Is that odd?” 

“This is such a classy car, dude!” Charlie exclaimed. “It’s so shiny and it looks brand new!”

“I don’t know about brand new.” 

“No, trust me, I have seen some junk cars and this is nothing like this! And it’s such a nice blue color! Like the sky! What is it?” 

“It’s a 2018 Volvo S60,” Burn said. “I rather liked the color and it’s very practical. I needed a new car and I wanted to something that was nice and would last me awhile but I didn’t need any flashy BMW or anything.” 

“And I get to ride in it?” Charlie asked excitedly. 

Burn couldn’t help but smile. “Yes, Charlie. Of course you get to ride in it.” 

Charlie got in and tried to shut the door quietly which just meant that it didn’t close again and he had to try again. He excitedly bounced up and down. 

“Seat belt, Charlie.” 

Charlie frowned. “Huh?” 

“You need to put your seatbelt on.” 

“Oh, come on, Doc, it’s not that far away.” 

“Yes but what if I get into an accident? ‘It wasn’t that far away’ will be cold comfort if not wearing a seatbelt gets you killed or paralyzed or something.”

“It’ll be fine,” Charlie said. “I trust you.” 

“That is good to know but trust really has nothing to do with it,” Burn said. “I cannot in good conscience begin driving if I know that someone in the car is taking such risks with their life.” 

“I mean, that’s being a little dramatic,” Charlie said.

“Maybe. But it won’t hurt. Please, Charlie. I need to know that you’re going to be safe.” 

“I...” Charlie nodded wordlessly and put the seatbelt on. 

Burn smiled. “Thank you. I know you don’t see the need but this is a weight off of my mind.”

He turned the car on and began driving. 

“Were you always this, uh, safety conscious?” Charlie asked. 

Burn laughed. “Oh, heavens no! When I was a teenager, I usually wore my seatbelt but sometimes if it were close enough I would decline to put it on. My parents…did not approve.”

“What’d they do?” 

“They would pull over and refuse to pull back on the road until my seatbelt was on. I was not about to engage in those theatrics with you, Charlie, as you are a grown man and I am not your father but I am glad just the same you were willing to do that for me.” 

Charlie shrugged. “I mean, it’s no problem, really. I think it’s like a waste of effort but you’re right that it isn’t hurting anyone and if it makes you feel better then why not? You’re being nice enough to give me the ride so the least I can do is buckle up.” 

The two of them went into Subway and found three people in line in front of them. 

Charlie’s eyes immediately went to the menu. 

Presumably Charlie had been to a Subway before. Those shops were ubiquitous and he was the one to suggest it besides. He had to have some idea of what he could order or even ignore the sandwich options entirely and just tell them directly what he wanted. 

It occurred to him that perhaps Charlie was trying to prove something. 

Burn said nothing and scanned the menu himself. He knew it was unlikely that the menu had changed and there were only so many sandwiches but there was something almost comforting about reading it all over again. 

“Hi!” the woman at the counter said brightly when it was their turn. “Welcome to Subway. Can I interest you in our six dollar footlong sub of the day? Today it's Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki.” 

“Not for me, thank you,” Burn said. “Charlie?” 

Charlie was mouthing something slowly. “Huh? Oh, no.” 

“I would like the Turkey, Bacon, and Guacamole wrap,” Burn ordered. 

Charlie let out a startled laugh. “What? Doc that sounds disgusting!” 

Burn shrugged. “Maybe. But it doesn’t taste disgusting and that’s what really matters.” 

“If you say so,” Charlie said skeptically. “I want the footlong Chicken and Bacon Ranch Melt.” 

“Would you like any chips or drinks with that?” the woman asked. 

“Yes, we’ll take two soft drinks,” Burn said. “Charlie?” 

“I want Doritos. Ooh, and one of these!” Charlie said, excitedly grabbing a chocolate chip cookie. 

“Will that be all?” 

They nodded. 

“That’ll be $28.10.” 

Burn reached into his pocket for his wallet but Charlie quickly shoved cash at her. 

Burn opened his mouth then closed it again. They could talk about it when they weren’t in the middle of ordering their food. 

Charlie just smiled innocently at him like he didn’t know exactly what he was doing. 

Burn tried and failed to look stern. He couldn’t help it. 

“Would you like any cheese besides the Monterey?” the woman asked. 

“Monterey,” Charlie repeated, looking like he had just solved a puzzle. “No, I just…no, wait, what am I saying? Yes, of course I do. All of it.” 

“What kind, sir?” the woman asked. “We have American, provolone, pepper jack, Swiss and cheddar cheese.”

“Yes.”

Burn smiled at that response. 

“That…was not a yes or no question,” she said, frowning in confusion. 

“I want all of it.”

She laughed. “Someone’s a cheese fan, I take it.” 

“Well, I am from Philadelphia,” Charlie replied. 

Once they had received their food and sat down, Charlie repeated, “Monterey.” 

“I always have a hard time when I first encounter a new cheese,” Burn said. “Or some food at ethnic restaurants. I never know how to pronounce it the first time, even if I look up what it is, and often end up ordering something else so I don’t have to look foolish.” 

“Oh my God, I would totally do that, dude!” Charlie exclaimed. “But, wait, man, what are you talking about? You’re a fancy scientist doctor person.”

“I’m a psychologist.” 

“Yeah, exactly! A fancy scientist doctor psychologist person! Even better! You couldn’t look foolish if you tried.” 

Burn smiled at the earnest declaration of faith in him. “Oh, I rather think I could. Remind me to tell you about the time I managed to fall up the stairs and scraped up not only my knee but my brand new shoes. Or the time I discovered the back of my trousers were ripped when I was at work and the safety pins I used to secure them fell off after a few hours and my supervisor had to lend me her sweater to protect my modesty. Or the time I had been feeling ill after a night of drinking and drank some water with some painkillers and the taxi that was taking me to my car the next morning was driving too quickly over bumpy road and I threw up on the back of the driver’s head. I really could go on.” 

Charlie was grinning at him like he had performed some sort of miracle or something. “Wow, Doc, you sound like more fun than I would have thought. N-not that I’m saying you sounded like you weren’t fun before or anything, though you do seem like you’d like only like the really fancy kind of fun things like musicals or going to museums or whatever, but now I know that you do other stuff too and that it’s cool stuff. I mean, not that throwing up on your driver was cool but that’s how all great nights end and I’ve definitely done that before only not exactly that but probably worse and not that I want you to think that I do shit like that all the time even though I kind of do and don’t even get me started on that whole flu thing a few years back and I…you know what, I’ll just shut up now.” 

Burn had started smiling about halfway through Charlie’s nervous little rant. 

Charlie had been looking sheepishly at him but relaxed a little at the look on Burn’s face. 

“I wouldn’t qualify any of those as ‘fun’ even in retrospect – though I know the most irksome occurrences often make the best stories – but I will take your compliment in the spirit it was intended. And I do quite enjoy musicals and museums.”

“You are such a nerd,” Charlie said fondly. 

“I rather have to be, don’t I? Otherwise I wouldn’t be allowed to teach at an Ivy League school.” 

“I guess that makes sense,” Charlie said, nodding. 

Burn had been joking but nothing ruined a joke quite as much as explaining it and the last thing he wanted to do was to risk making Charlie feel bad for having not understood something. It truly did not matter either way. 

“Charlie, I was going to pay for lunch,” Burn told him instead. 

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, no shit, dude. Why do you think I gave that lady my money so fast? I figured you probably wouldn’t make a scene and even if you did she’s not going to hand back the money she already had for your money.” 

Burn briefly wondered if Charlie had been in a situation like that before where he and someone else were fighting over who would pay. It rather seemed to him it would make more sense for both parties to get out of paying but then he did not know the context of this hypothetical previous happenstance. 

“But I-”

“Tell me, Doc, why should you have gotten to pay for lunch and not me?” Charlie interrupted. 

“I don’t think people usually refer to it as ‘getting’ to pay for it.” 

“Even better! You didn’t want to pay for it.” 

“I just am feeling a little awkward about all of this,” Burn said. 

“Is it because you have more money than me?” Charlie asked bluntly. 

The answer was an unequivocal yes and clearly Charlie knew it but Burn would be damned before he would give voice to that. 

“I could have at least paid for my bit,” Burn said. 

“Hey, I got more than you and you’re already doing me a massive solid by helping me with all this stuff,” Charlie said. “Dennis said that testing can cost literally thousands of dollars! And tutoring or whatever like what you’re doing would really add up by the time I’m really good and all. And I wouldn’t trust them anyway.” 

“I told you,” Burn said. “I didn’t do it for any sort of reward and I certainly didn’t do it for the free lunch.” 

“I know,” Charlie said simply. “You’re a good guy. Free lunch is just a perk.” 

“Well…you’ll simply have to let me pay the next time we go somewhere,” Burn said without thinking. He coughed. “I, that is to say-”

But Charlie had absolutely lit up at that. “Yeah! Next time! For sure.”

“Next time,” Burn repeated softly, almost to himself. 

“On a totally unrelated note, what are you doing Friday night?” 

Burn’s heart stopped. Or at least it felt like it. Dimly he knew if it really had stopped he’d be if not dead then rapidly hurtling in a deathward direction. It certainly skipped a beat, at least. 

He had not expected that. 

Childishly, he wanted to ask ‘is that a date’ but he refrained. It would make it too awkward either way. Either it was and he was too thick to pick up on it or it was not and he had just ruined everything by shoving a romantic element where there was none to be found. 

Was his breathing growing shallow? 

It was probably nothing. Charlie just liked to spend time with him and had already admitted he liked doing so outside of Burn’s office. This would give them a chance to get off of campus entirely. But it was a Friday night. Saturday was the more traditional date night but Friday meant there was no work the next day so people didn’t have to keep such a close eye on the clock and on their bar tab. 

What did he want the answer to be? 

What a stupid question. As if there were any doubt. 

Was it ethical with Charlie having been a previous research participant? Multiple relationships were allowed as long as they would not be likely to harm the client. If the woman behind the counter was his therapy client there would have been nothing wrong with how he had conducted himself to her. 

But dating was very different. 

If Charlie had been a former therapy client then even if he had never come back after the initial session Burn would be required to wait two years after last seeing him and be certain a romantic relationship would not in any way harm Charlie before he could engage in one. But the bond between a therapist and a client, even only a therapist for one initial session where nothing personal might even be shared, was very vulnerable and emotional and had such a huge power differential that an equal relationship with no even accidental manipulation or abuse of power was nigh impossible. 

That wasn’t to say Burn had had no power in his role as researcher in that experiment with Charlie, though Tang-See had done all the hands-on part of it. 

There was a clear difference. 

Was it enough? 

It had been over two years. 

He wasn’t sure if there was any formalized ethical guidelines about dating a former research participant and if there was it couldn’t be any more stringent than dating a former client. 

But now Burn was working with Charlie again. Still, he was essentially tutoring him not providing any psychological services to him other than connecting him to Emily. He hadn’t even edited the report or given Emily feedback, that was her own supervisor. 

Charlie was watching him nervously. He bit his lip. “It’s okay, you know,” he said, softer than Burn had ever heard from him. “If you’re busy.” 

How long had he been standing there paralyzed by what was on the surface a very simple question? If it hadn’t been for Charlie’s reaction just then he could have almost thought Charlie was just making conversation. 

“I am busy,” Burn found himself saying. 

Charlie smiled like it didn’t matter, like he was disappointed but not surprised. 

Burn saw right through him. 

“I’m buying you dinner.”


	7. Chapter 7

Charlie had insisted that Burn wait for him in the car. 

Burn was driving of course because Charlie had ‘never technically’ gotten his license and so his friends did not want to lend them their car. Burn had no horse in the race on that front but he’d rather drive fifty miles out of his way than let Charlie risk himself like that for his sake. Charlie had offered to get one of his friends to drop him off for their date but Burn had rejected that on the grounds that, though he had not phrased it as such to Charlie, they were not fifteen. 

Technically Burn still had Charlie’s address on file. He had asked for it again anyway, just to make him feel less awkward about the incredible advantage he had over Charlie when it came to knowing the other. 

Burn wasn’t sure what precisely Charlie did not want him to see by coming up to meet him at his apartment but he did not think he had ever been in such a seedy part of town so it could really be any number of things. He was entirely out of his element. 

In the stories, you could always tell when someone was nervous and excited about a date (was this a date? He had gone back and forth for days and eventually decided he would treat it like it was one and if things went badly he would pretend, despite how flimsy a pretense it might be, that it was just a friendly dinner among friends) because they spent hours agonizing over their clothes and tried on ten outfits, perhaps with a friend around to comment on their sartorial choices. It was visual shorthand and made for fun and interesting montages. 

Burn wasn’t like that and he could only imagine the reactions his friends would have if he had asked that of them. Some of them would probably do it but they’d be ridiculously unhelpful and just end up heckling him and pestering him for details about his date. 

Burn wore a grey tweed suit with a dark blue button-up shirt. He had nice shoes on and his hair was neatly combed. He thought he looked rather nice, actually, but he already owned his outfit and had known almost immediately he would be wearing it. They had decided to meet at Guigino's Italian Restaurant because Burn wanted to go somewhere nice and Charlie said they had to go somewhere classy (as if they had not gone to Subway together mere days ago). As it turned out, Charlie did not have a lot of experience with nice restaurants but he had been to Guigino’s on multiple occasions and had enjoyed it. 

Burn had arrived at Charlie’s place twenty minutes early because he was a little nervous and didn’t want to be late and make a bad first impression. Given how long they had known each other before this night and the disastrous circumstances of their first encounters it was a ridiculous worry and yet it was one that Burn was experiencing nonetheless. He never liked arriving places early because it was so awkward to be there on his own when no one else was and so he had an unfortunate tendency to overcorrect and find himself rushing to be on time and not late. 

But tonight was important and so tonight he was early. He waited fifteen minutes in the car, listening to a lovely podcast about murder and vaguely wondering if perhaps he ought to listen to something else given the situation, before he texted Charlie to announce that he was there. Just because he was very early didn’t mean he wanted Charlie to feel pressured to rush or think that he was weird. Not that he thought Charlie would be at all the type to judge but that worry was more his issue than anything Charlie had done. 

It was two minutes past the time Burn had promised to be there when Charlie bounded down the stairs and towards Burn’s car. He had on a lovely brown suit, a white button-down shirt, and a large burgundy checkered tie. His hair was brushed neatly back instead of the rather charming tousled mess it usually was. 

Charlie tried the handle of the passenger seat and Burn waited until he had let go to unlock it. 

“Doc! It’s great you kept this locked and all but this is kind of a dangerous neighborhood so it’s not really safe to be hanging around in that fancy car,” Charlie said by way of greeting. “Or, well, at all but especially with the car.” 

“I was as safe as I could be,” Burn said as he started the car. “But I was picking you up, remember? It could not be avoided. And anyway, if it’s not safe for me to come by briefly, how is it safe for you to live here?” 

Charlie snorted. “It’s not. But it’s cheap and I’ve lived here a long time and Frank’s friends with like way worse guys. Besides, I bite.” 

Burn wasn’t sure what to make of that last statement or of the strange shiver that ran through him at the words. 

“I’ll be careful,” he said again. “Charlie, you look very nice tonight.” 

Charlie grinned at him. “You think so? Thanks. Frank likes to go around pretending to be poor and all but only on his terms. We go to Guigino's for our roommate anniversary and so he got me this outfit so I can look all fancy and stuff.” 

Charlie wore his best clothes to come out with him tonight. 

Burn knew that Guigino's did not have a strict dress code. He’d seen people eating there in jeans or sweatpants and while perhaps they stood out and got a few looks from the staff they were not denied service. Charlie had to have known that. And yet he was wearing his very best suit. 

“Well you do,” Burn said, swallowing, “look very fancy.” 

“I do?” Charlie asked, suddenly looking uncertain. “Not like, I don’t know, white trash or anything?” 

Burn glanced over at him. His fists were gripping his pants tightly. “Charlie...”

“Let me guess. You don’t believe in the concept of white trash because it’s a derog…a derogi…” Charlie huffed out a frustrated breath. “A mean thing to say about people and you don’t want to insult people just because they’re poor.” 

“It is a derogatory term,” Burn said, watching Charlie mouth the word to himself. “I know I can’t really talk as I’m British and we’re no better but America has a real class problem it never acknowledges. Being poor does not mean you are a bad person or stupid or lazy or anything else inherently negative. It’s too easy to forget that wealth does not determine value. People use all sorts of horrible slurs every day but ‘white trash’ is one of the last socially acceptable ones because people are largely aware of issues concerning racism, sexism, and homophobia but do not address classism directly. So no, I do not believe in the concept of ‘white trash.’” 

Charlie tilted his head, looking fond. “What does it say about me that I’m starting to get to know you so well that I knew you’d say that?” 

“Perhaps it means you pay attention,” Burn said, his breathing quickening a little. “I like that.” 

“I have my moments,” Charlie said, smiling. “But answer the question, Doc. You may not like the word but you know what I mean.” 

“No, Charlie, you don’t look like you don’t belong,” Burn told him. 

It seemed that was the right thing to say because Charlie’s grin was blinding and it made Burn’s heart soar to see it. Perhaps he glanced over a few more times than he ought to have while he was driving but it really couldn’t be helped. 

When they parked and got out of the car, Charlie had the chance to properly take in Burn’s outfit for the first time. 

“Wow, dude, you look hot,” he said, looking him up and down. 

Burn smiled shyly. “You think so?” 

“Oh, definitely, dude. This is us. Just two fancy-looking dudes going to dinner at the best restaurant in town. And no really obvious toupees in sight!” 

Burn let out a startled laugh. “Oh, no. I’d like to think that when I start losing my hair I will be able to face it gracefully. But please don’t even make me think about you losing yours.” 

Charlie self-consciously touched his hair. “Oh, you like it?” 

“I…It’s very…” Burn trailed off awkwardly, his ears burning. “Yes. Very much so. It suits you.” 

“One time Dee told me it was my best feature,” Charlie said. “But she was insulting me at the time so I didn’t know if I should take it seriously or not.” 

The restaurant was busy but Burn had made a reservation so they were quickly shown to their seats. 

“Nice,” Charlie said appreciatively. “We’re not by the kitchen!” 

“No, we’re not,” Burn agreed. “But I must admit I’ve never really understood what’s so bad about sitting there.” 

Charlie frowned. “Huh. I don’t know. But Dennis takes it really personally. That and sitting by the bathrooms.” 

“It just seems like it’d be more convenient if you were sitting by the bathroom,” Burn said. 

“Well I guess if you’re by the bathroom a lot of people would be walking past your table,” Charlie said. “I mean, I wouldn’t really care but some people might.” 

Burn nodded. “I guess I could see that. I can’t say it would bother me but there are things that bother me that wouldn’t bother other people. And I suppose it might be louder in the kitchen and harder to hear your own conversation if you were seated there.” 

“The good news is that we don’t have to find out about either because we have what Dennis would call a great table,” Charlie said brightly. 

Burn laughed. “Are we so concerned about Dennis’ taste in seating?” 

Charlie shrugged. “Well he’s the only one who has given me an opinion on the matter.” 

“Hello, welcome to-Why.” 

Burn turned to see a waiter looking at Charlie in horror. 

“Excuse me?” Burn asked, frowning. 

“There are other restaurants in this city. Other nice restaurants. Nicer restaurants. Why do you keep coming here?” 

“Is there some sort of problem here?” Burn asked stiffly. 

Charlie just looked confused. “Dude, I don’t know. I’ve never seen this guy before in my life.” 

“That’s what you said last time!” 

“I really don’t know what to tell you,” Charlie said apologetically. 

“Well why don’t you tell us how you believe you know Charlie and if it’s a problem perhaps we can move to a different server’s section,” Burn suggested. 

“A few years ago he and a couple of his friends all happened to be here and were being ridiculous and one-upping each other and complaining and just generally being difficult all night,” the waiter explained. “I’m talking really ridiculous. There was a song and shots for the whole restaurant and everything. But I’m a professional and I work in the food service industry. I can handle that. But then the woman with them tied by shoelaces together at some point, I think because I wouldn’t tie her brother’s shoelaces together or something, and I ended up falling and spilling hot spaghetti all over myself! They all laugh it up and go to a table together like nothing happened and they stay two hours past closing and leave a terrible tip. Now they won’t even do me the decency of remembering me.” 

Burn looked at Charlie. “Well?” 

“I don’t know, that just seems like the kind of thing I would remember? And anyway, it sounds like even if your story was true Dee’s the one who tied your shoelaces together so is it really that big of a deal if I laughed? It’s like…there’s this really cool like dark Sesame Street musical, right? And it has a song about it. It’s very German. It’s all…S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E,” Charlie sang under his breath. He snapped his fingers. “Schadenfreude. It’s very normal.” 

The waiter was looking unimpressed but Burn was fighting a smile. Now really wasn’t the time. 

“I repeat, is this going to be a problem? We can move tables,” Burn offered. 

The waiter sighed. “No, it’s fine. Last time he was in here he didn’t do anything besides completely fail to remember me. But I swear, he does anything to me and I am suing.” 

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here!” Charlie said indignantly. 

“Learn some goddamn object permanence!” the waiter snapped back. 

Burn cleared his throat and place his drink order. 

After the waiter left, Charlie asked, “What’s object permanence?” 

“It’s when a baby is able to realize that an object continues to exist when they can no longer see it,” Burn explained. 

Charlie snorted. “That’s not impressive. Everyone can do that.” 

“Very young babies cannot,” Burn said. “It’s an important developmental milestone. I think children usually reach it around…six months? But don’t quote me on that.” 

“I don’t get it? Why is he saying I need to learn that? I’m obviously not a baby and it’s not like I forgot something existed or anything.” Charlie blinked. “Oh. Is it because he thinks I keep forgetting him?” 

“Probably,” Burn agreed. “He says it’s fine but I’m really not getting a very good feeling about this. I hope he doesn’t continue to yell at us throughout the meal.” 

Charlie shrugged. “It’s fine. You can just stiff him on the tip.” 

“As a British person, the very concept of tipping still fills me with a vague sort of outrage towards your nation’s minimum wage laws and the restaurant industry’s refusal to pay its workers a living wage,” Burn said. “But a waiter could literally stab me and I still wouldn’t tip below fifteen percent.” 

Charlie just shook his head at that. 

“Do you know what you want to eat?” Burn asked. 

“Uh…maybe,” Charlie said. “I know what I usually get but I’m going to look at the menu again just in case.” 

Burn beamed at that. Charlie clearly had a decent idea of what the restaurant had to offer and could simply ask him or the waiter about the menu but instead he was going to try his hand at reading it. He loved when Charlie did that. 

Charlie grinned back and opened the menu. 

Burn looked at the menu himself because it would be nice to remind himself what his options were. Well, that and the only other options were to look at his phone which was rude or stare at the man across the table from him which was creepy. He and a friend made sure to see a movie nearly every week together at one of those dine-in theaters and they both knew the menu by heart but did that stop them from carefully examining it every single time? Of course not. Just because they thought they knew what there was didn’t mean he had fully absorbed it until he looked it over. 

“Oh, oh, oh!” Charlie exclaimed excitedly, poking a spot on his menu rapidly. 

“What?” Burn asked, smiling at his enthusiasm. 

Before Charlie could answer, the waiter returned with their drinks. “Are you ready to order? I’m your waiter, by the way, in case you’ve forgotten in the five minutes I’ve been gone.” 

“Why would we have forgotten you?” Charlie asked, puzzled. 

The waiter held his fingers so close together they were almost touching. “This close. I am this close.” 

“Dude, no offence but you are being super weird right now,” Charlie said. 

The waiter made a sound of wordless frustration. 

Really, Burn didn’t know if Charlie’s friends had been that bad or if this man was just that unstable. 

“I believe we are ready to order,” Burn said. “Charlie?” 

Charlie nodded. He smiled proudly. “Yeah. I’ll have the ten-cheese penne pasta.” 

“I’ll, uh, have the salmon,” Burn said, handing his menu to the waiter. 

“Sorry, did you say ten cheese?” Burn asked once the waiter had left. 

“I know, right? Ten cheese. I usually get the fish when I come here, right? Not always like the same fish but usually fish. Dennis likes ordering for everyone and Frank always knows what’s good here so he does, too. All this time and I never knew they had ten cheese pasta. That’s like the most cheeses I’ve ever seen all together! Oh man, this is going to be amazing!” 

“I must admit I’m quite curious,” Burn said. “I’ve heard of five-cheese but that’s the most, I think.”

Charlie glanced at him, suddenly shy. “You can have a bite of mine, if you want. You’re the reason I even knew about it. And I just bet if I’d asked you’d have read the whole damn menu to me.” 

“I…well, yes, of course,” Burn said. “It wouldn’t be fair to deprive you of the opportunity to select the dish you preferred. As for the other thing…thank you. I think I would quite like to try that.” 

Charlie looked pleased at that. “You know, I’m really glad we did this.” 

“Me too,” Burn said. “And not just because I owe you money.” 

Charlie laughed. “Dude, come on, you don’t owe me money. You didn’t say ‘hey, I left my wallet at home can you cover this.’ I ninjad my way into paying for something because I chose too and you were kind of sulking about it.” 

“I was not sulking!” Burn insisted, flustered. 

Charlie laughed. “Maybe you were a little. But that’s okay. It was kind of cute.” 

Burn cleared his throat. “Was it?” 

“Oh, yeah.” He paused, clearly thinking something over. “You know, we never actually came out and said it but I don’t want this to be one of those awkward times where it’s like a sneak date and the other person has no idea until it’s over. I’ve learned the hard way that those do not go over well.” 

Burn vaguely wondered how someone had a sneak date (one person thought it was and the other did not? Sneak sounded rather more active than a miscommunication) but he was far more preoccupied by the rest of what Charlie had said. 

“Date?” He hadn’t known his voice could sound that high-pitched. 

Charlie looked upset. “Oh, yeah, man did you not know? I mean, can you date someone without them agreeing to it? You did agree to come. Actually, I agreed to come because you suggested it. And it was totally a date to me the whole time! But while I guess you could technically force someone to go on a date with you – not that I’m saying you should! – I just sort of feel both people should really know about it at least? I’m sorry, Doc, this is just-”

“Charlie,” Burn interrupted. 

Charlie stilled. “Yeah?” 

“The night is young but this is turning out to be quite a lovely date so far,” Burn said, his voice steadier than he’d expected it to be. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

Charlie smiled wider than Burn had ever seen him smile before and it occurred to him that he was quite possibly in trouble. 

It occurred to him that he might like it.


	8. Chapter 8

It wasn’t as though there was a right or wrong way to date someone. 

Well, to be more accurate, there were many wrong ways to date someone. These ways involved – broadly – lack of consent, lack of communication, violence, or other unhealthy or abusive behavior. 

But when those extreme examples were set aside, there were no rules one really had to follow. 

He believed in emotional honesty when possible so he wouldn’t pretend that he wasn’t disappointed that after their lovely dinner and Burn surprising Charlie with a second ten-cheese pasta that they ended up sharing and the way Charlie’s eyes had been shining when Burn had dropped him off that he wasn’t a little disappointed that Charlie had left without kissing him. 

But this wasn’t some sort of Hollywood story. Charlie had clearly had a good time and wanted to see him again outside of their sessions and the lack of a kiss that first time didn’t spell doom for their nascent courtship. 

In all probability it wouldn’t work out. Most relationships didn’t. But that was no reason to be pessimistic at the start. There were a lot of reasons why Charlie hadn’t kissed him, from Charlie worrying about his breath to having a no kissing on the first date rule to him not realizing Burn wanted him to to…to…any number of reasons! Perhaps Charlie had literally never heard of the concept. Stranger things had happened, he was sure. 

If they hadn’t kissed but continued to date and didn’t even speak about it after a few more weeks he would bring it up but for now he would try to put it out of his mind and go slightly mad about it only in his spare moments. 

“Are you sure this isn’t like one of Dee’s things?” Charlie asked, looking around the room. “It looks the same. Well, I like the decorations better but I don’t think that’d make a difference.” 

Every spare inch of the comedy club they were in was covered with comedy movie posters and there was comedy merchandise on proud display over a large section of the lobby. Burn had actually been here before, though not in nearly a year, and he still found himself noticing new décor he had not spotted before. 

It took Burn a moment to realize what Charlie was talking about. “You mean open mic nights? No, I believe this place has them and that the performers get drinks for free but I’ve never gone. If I’m paying I would want to be assured of quality which you simply cannot be when anyone can perform. And I get very bad second-hand embarrassment sometimes so if someone were really bad it would make me miserable.” 

Charlie nodded. “Yeah, definitely don’t go see Dee perform, though. I mean, it’s kind of funny watching her bomb up there every week and she knows what she’s getting into. She just thinks putting herself through the same thing every week will be, like, helping her career by paying her dues or something even though she hasn’t gotten any better or more comfortable up there. One time Dee and I were, like, trying to walk a mile in each other’s shoes and so I had to go up and she told me to make sure I had nothing in my stomach so I could only dry heave and not throw up. And, like, I laughed at her I think but I did listen and I didn’t do any better than she did up there. But my goal isn’t to be an actor and I only went the once.” 

Burn shuddered. “That sounds horrific.” 

“I certainly didn’t enjoy that night,” Charlie said. “Have you ever gone up there, though? You wouldn’t have to pay and free drinks sounds nice.” 

Burn spared a thought for the idea of him getting in front of a large crowd of people and inviting their laughter. “No.” 

Charlie laughed. “Ah, well, I guess neither of us were meant to be comedians. But that’s fine. You’re a fancy doctor and I own a bar anyway.” 

“Somehow we will have to swallow our disappoint and carry on as best we can,” Burn said dryly. 

Charlie laughed again. “So what is this then?” 

“Well in addition to open mic nights they teach improv and book professional stand-up comics to perform. But we’re going to see an improv show. They’ll be a couple of performers playing improv games that involve the audience shouting out suggestions when asked for them. There’s one where they have one of them leave the room while we give details about a fictional funeral for a famous person including who they were with, what they were doing, where they were, how they died, and a twist. The performer has to give a eulogy and figure out all the details from if the other performers cough or nod along. They say ‘hallelujah’ when they get something exactly right. The more ridiculous the better.” 

“Really?” Charlie looked fascinated. “So if I shouted out Chase Utley was with Christopher Lloyd doing karate at a strip club in Vatican City and tripped over a kitten in the middle of a tornado they’d be able to guess that?” 

Burn laughed. “Eventually, yes. They’re very good at what they do so they start off broad. They’ll say we are here to celebrate the life of a man and then if they heard coughing they’d say ‘by which I mean a woman’ or something like that. It’s amazing how fast they can lock onto some of these when there are infinite possibilities. But you won’t be able to give all the answers. I usually limit myself to one, maybe two, per improv game. One time I went with a friend of mine and she just would not stop shouting things and they used a lot of them. That’s the good thing about having gotten here early and sitting in the front. It’s harder for them to hear the people in the second row and just forget about anyone seated further back.” 

“I bet I’m going to have just the weirdest things to shout out,” Charlie said. Usually when Charlie said something like that he looked at least a little upset but now he looked almost excited. 

Burn smiled at him. “I hope so! The more out there the better. There’s this one game that’s sort of like Mad Libs. The actors are given a basic scenario and act it out and every so often gesture to the audience to finish their sentence. If they start off saying ‘this town isn’t big enough for’ and then gesture to us the obvious answer is ‘the two of us’ but it’s just not as funny.” 

“This town isn’t big enough for my army of dinosaurs,” Charlie said. 

“Exactly, that’s good! Especially if dinosaurs hadn’t been mentioned at all before because they have to make it work and not comment on the strangeness,” Burn said. 

“I think I could be good at this,” Charlie said. 

Burn reached over and grabbed Charlie’s hand, squeezing it. “I think you’ll be amazing.” 

Charlie grinned at him. 

Burn was strangely reluctant to let go of Charlie’s hand but he couldn’t very well just hold it during the show. 

“If you like this one there’s another improv show about half an hour after this one ends. We’ll get in for free because we went to this one and not as many people go to the later one. This one is mostly appropriate but there are no holds barred on the second showing. They call it the naughty show. There’s only a one drink minimum for that one and a two drink minimum for here,” Burn explained. 

“I do like free things,” Charlie said, tapping his chin. “But this could suck. It probably won’t because I trust you but I don’t want to go around promising anything before I know for sure.” 

Burn laughed. “Thank you for your entirely half-hearted endorsement, Charlie.” 

Charlie nodded with mock-solemnity. “You’re welcome, Doc.” 

Burn glanced over and saw the waiter had started to take drink orders a few tables down. “I usually just order both of my drinks now so I don’t have to try and get his attention during the show. Even using the light boxes doesn’t guarantee they’ll spot you and come over in my experience if it’s crowded enough and too many people also want drinks. Do you know what you want?” 

“I should probably look at the menu,” Charlie said, a strange almost transgressive look on his face. 

Charlie’s reading abilities were still far, far below where they should be had he been given access to the proper diagnosis and assistance when he was a child but he had been quite insistent on reading as many things as possible when they were together to prove that now he could and the world began to make a little more sense. Burn was rather awed that he had managed to get by for so long with such a limited reading ability though Charlie still had trouble wrapping his mind around the idea that his working around what he had long perceived as a sign of his stupidity was anything not to be deeply ashamed of, let alone proud of. 

After a few minutes, Charlie started laughing. 

“What?” Burn asked, his own eyes scanning the menu and finding nothing particularly amusing. As always, he was rather tempted to try the Shirley Temple given the name and description but he was rather worried it would prove too sweet for him. 

“Nothing, it’s just…I think I might have a better idea of what this means than you do,” Charlie said. He was pointing at the mixed drinks. “I work at a bar and you’ve said you choose your drinks based on name and color.”

Burn shrugged. “Well I have to choose them based on something.” 

“You could go by what they taste like.” 

“That only works if I’m familiar with the drink,” Burn said. 

“Or if you’re familiar with the ingredients. They list them right here. No one expects people who just walk into a bar to know all the specialty drinks the bar has,” Charlie said. “I mean, come on, even Paddy’s does mixed drinks even if we’re total dicks to any dude that orders one. This drink right here. Vodka, Don Q, Blue Curacao, Raspberry Liqueur, Sprite, Sweet & Sour. How many of those things are you familiar with?” 

“Vodka and Sprite. Maybe Sweet & Sour? I think it’s a mixer.”

Charlie gave a long-suffering sigh. “It is, yes. It's made of lemon or lime juice, simple syrup, and ice. Don Q is Puerto Rican rum. Blue Curacao is liqueur from this Caribbean island called Curacao that's made from some kind of bitter orange peel and it's only blue because the guy thought it'd look cool. Which it does. Then raspberry liqueur has black and red raspberries, vanilla, honey, cognac, and like an orange or lemon or lime peel.” 

Burn leaned back, impressed. “You really know your alcohol.” 

Charlie beamed at him, ducking his head a bit. “I should hope so. I mean, I do own a bar and alcohol is only one of my favorite things in the world. But you really think I know a lot?” 

“Well,” Burn said, smiling back, “keep in mind just who you’re talking to and how pathetic my own knowledge of alcohol is but, yes, I really think so. And given that I’ve literally never heard you mention any other alcohol but beer I’m even more surprised.” 

“Oh, well, beer is my favorite but it’s not everyone’s poison and if you’re going to just get blasted then that takes too long anyway,” Charlie explained. He hesitated. “I could maybe…tell you about the things in the drinks? So you’ll know whether you like it or not?” 

Burn wordlessly scooted his chair closer to Charlie’s so they could see the menu at the same time and pointed to the drink that’s name sounded most appealing. 

Charlie shifted slightly in his seat so he was closer to Burn and began to explain. 

\----

“I’m just saying, that was probably the best thing I’ve ever seen,” Charlie said enthusiastically as they walked out of the show later that night. “I mean, after Thunder Gun Express but this certainly involved less running through sewers and getting arrested for impersonating a tour guide – that wasn’t me but it happened.” 

“Yes, this was certainly less complicated than whatever trials and tribulations that movie apparently caused.”

“It wasn’t our fault,” Charlie claimed. “Well, okay, maybe that tour boat thing was a little bit Frank’s fault. But the president had come to the city so everything was a mess and we had pre-bought our tickets.” 

Burn laughed. “Do you really think I’m going to start lecturing you, Charlie? From what I remember that movie came out seven or eight years ago.” 

“That is true,” Charlie agreed. “If you lectured me on all the illegal crap my friends and I have done ever you might as well just follow me home and literally never stop talking.” 

Burn cocked his head. “I don’t know whether to ask about why you apparently have so very many crimes under your belt or why you apparently view me as some sort of…I don’t know…lecture tyrant or something.” 

Charlie laughed. “It’s not that…lecture tyrant, man…I just know that outside of the wai…outside of one other person you’re like the only one in my life who gives a crap if I do all that shit.” 

“I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.” 

“It’s a good thing,” Charlie said quietly. “I mean, I don’t want too much of that in my life because there is definitely some illegalness happening on any given day but, like…some of it’s nice. When it’s you.” 

“Oh.” 

They reach the car but before Burn unlocks it, he says, “I timed it out. I had two drinks slowly over the course of an hour and a half and then ordered something not alcoholic for the last show. It’s been more than two hours since I consumed something alcoholic. I know I’m alright to drive.” 

Charlie blinked at him, puzzled. “Dude, what are you even talking about?”

“I know I’ve been drinking,” Burn said. “But I would never engage in drunk driving.” 

“Oh. That’s…good? I guess? I mean, I drive sometimes and I have no idea how to drive and Frank does sometimes and he can’t see nearly well enough to make that safe and the amount of times I’ve been in a car with someone who is drunk or high on something is just…I couldn’t even count it.” 

“Charlie!” Burn exclaims, stricken. 

“I’m trying to say, I’m not worried,” Charlie said. 

“Well I am. That’s terribly unsafe behavior! Your friends shouldn’t be driving under those conditions – you shouldn’t be driving at all – and if you can’t stop them the least you could do is not risk yourself as well by riding with them.” 

Charlie looked maddeningly unconcerned. “Come on, Doc, you know I’m practically indestructible.” 

“Your impressive survival skills aside, no one is simply immune from the effects of car crashes,” Burn told him. “Please promise me you’ll be more careful.” 

Charlie looked fondly at him, like Burn was being overprotective and it was adorable. “I’ll try. For your sake.” 

“I’d rather it was for yours,” Burn said. “But I’ll take it.” 

They got into the car then and as Burn drove back towards Charlie’s apartment, Charlie animatedly reenacted his favorite parts of the show. 

Burn parked when he was in front of Charlie’s building. 

Charlie looked quizzical when Burn got out of the car. “What are you doing?” 

“I thought I’d walk you to your door,” Burn said. “I’m not so ridiculous as to take the lift to your floor and come down here on my own but there’s a perfectly good apartment building door right there just waiting for someone to walk someone to it. I thought maybe those two someones could be us.” 

The door was maybe twenty feet away. There was really no call for it. He rather hoped Charlie would let him do it anyway. 

Charlie snorted. “Elevator. But…yeah. Why not?” 

“I…had a really good time tonight,” Burn said, feeling just how ridiculous and juvenile such a thing was even as he said it. But he couldn’t think of a damn other thing to say and he didn’t just want to walk in silence. 

Charlie smiled up at him. “I did, too.” They got to the door. “This is me.” 

“I feel like I’m in some insipid movie.” 

“I don’t know what insipid means but it’d be cool to be in a movie,” Charlie replied. 

“I think it’d depend what kind of movie. I wouldn’t want to be in a zombie apocalypse film, for example.”

“Dude, I think I’d kick ass in a zombie apocalypse type scenario. Like, Mac and I have been talking about it for years because you never know, you know? Though I think he’s more planning for rapture in case him being pretty gay ruins things for him on that front. I would kick so much ass in a zombie apocalypse. I’d bash them all and I’d bite them before they bit me and it’d be awesome.” 

“Even if that did happen, I think I’d prefer the relative safety and convenience of our current reality,” Burn said. 

Charlie laughed softly. “Safety? I’m surprised no one’s tried to steal your car yet and we can still see it.” 

“I have grave concerns about this neighborhood, Charlie.” 

“Yeah, you really should. But, uh, just so you know if we do happen to have like a zombie apocalypse or any other kind of apocalypse then I’d protect you. I mean, you’re super smart and all so you’d probably be really helpful like blowing up or curing or whatever the zombies but maybe not so good at dealing with them when they’re trying to eat your brains. So I could help there.” 

Burn couldn’t help the smile that came to his face at that. This whole thing was so ridiculous. “There’s no one I’d rather save me from getting eaten by zombies.” 

“And there are very few people I’d want to save more,” Charlie said. 

Burn laughed and playfully glared at him. 

“Hey, it’s a tough list! You’re definitely top five.” 

“Well, as long as I’m one of the five people you’d most want to save from being eaten by a zombie…” 

He and Charlie stood there for a few moments, just smiling at each other and enjoying the company. 

Burn really couldn’t say who moved first but he no longer had to worry about the first kiss. 

Or the second. 

Or the eighth.


	9. Chapter 9

"I do so like green eggs and ham! Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-am!" Charlie said, shutting the book. “You know, I thought that these things would make more sense if I could actually read them.”

“And that didn’t happen?” Burn asked. 

“Yeah, it really didn’t,” Charlie said, laughing. “This Dr. Seuss guy was on some good stuff, man.” 

“Well I haven’t heard anything of the sort but I suppose that does not mean anything one way or another,” Burn said. “Perhaps he was. Or perhaps he was so brilliant and creative and unique he didn’t have to be on anything in order to come up with his material. You know, so many people believe creating a children’s book is easier than writing a full novel and I can see why. They’re shorter and more simple. But in actuality it’s harder because you only have a limited number of words to tell your story and appeal to your audience. I respect him immensely.” 

“I think he was on stuff,” Charlie said again. “But it’s cool either way. Well, when it’s not like completely off the wall. Like in a bad way.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Green eggs and ham. Why would anyone want to eat that anyway? When food turns green and it’s not supposed to that means it’s going bad, dude. And, like, I’m never one to pay attention to expiration dates or whatever but the fuck am I going to eat something that color. Like, I’ve tried. It never ends well. Trust me on that.” 

“It’s probably food coloring,” Burn said. “I mean, you’re right, I hardly think he’s going to try and give the narrator food that’s that moldy or...I don’t know, radioactive or something.” 

“I don’t know, why would he dye it green like that? It doesn’t make sense.” 

“Okay,” Burn said. “What do you make of it then? I can tell you’ve got a theory.” 

Charlie grinned at him. “Oh yeah I’ve got a theory. And it’s an awesome theory.” 

Burn smiled back. “I’m all ears.” 

“Well allow me to answer your question with another. Why is Sam...it is Sam, right? His name isn’t actually Sam-I-am? Like if I were talking to him I wouldn’t call him that. Or Sam-you-are? Sam-he-is? What a pretentious thing to do.” 

“I hadn’t thought of it,” Burn admitted. “But you’re probably right about the name even though on the very rare occasions I’ve had cause to discuss this book, I believe everyone called him ‘Sam-I-am’. It’s what they call him in the book.” 

“The guy in the book is clearly an idiot being stalked by a bad guy,” Charlie said. “Sam referred to himself as Sam-I-am and the guy didn’t realize that wasn’t the full name.”

That wasn’t really the point of the book and calling him Sam-I-Am made it sound much more whimsical than just Sam but Burn was a firm believer that there was no such thing as an improper way to interact with a text. Thinking about a story, even if only to complain, was a good thing. 

“But anyway, why was Sam so eager to force his breakfast on the main guy anyway? The narwhal or whatever?” 

“The narrator,” Burn corrected. “I don’t know. I suppose he really loved to cook and wanted to share his gift with the world. Maybe he had already eaten and had leftovers or was trying to make friends or do something nice for the narrator who was already a friend of his. Maybe he was absolutely sure the narrator would love it if only he gave it a chance.” 

“Nah, they’re not friends,” Charlie said. “Or the narrator wouldn’t be trying to run away from him so much and Sam would learn to take no for an answer. Even my friends are better with no than this guy is. And something is only nice if it’s for their own good or they want it. This guy clearly doesn’t want it and it’s not like this food, no matter how much he ended up liking it, was going to like keep him safe or healthy or whatever. Besides, you can never be sure someone will like something. I’ve met people who don’t like beer or cheese, you know.” 

“I don’t like beer,” Burn admitted. 

Charlie looked horrified. “See, like that!” 

“I like other kinds of alcohol,” Burn said. “You know I drink. But beer tastes so bad I literally cannot force it down. Not that I’ve tried for many a year.” 

“Well maybe you’ve changed your mind and now you like it,” Charlie suggested. “Tastes change.” 

Burn snorted. “I highly doubt it. But it doesn’t even matter if I would or not. It’s not good for you and it isn’t very alcoholic as far as that goes so I really have no desire to try it again. And while I don’t remember precisely what it tastes like because it’s been so long, the fact I literally couldn’t swallow it and had to spit it out means I would be going in expecting to dislike it and not only would that make it more likely I would just because of that but I wouldn’t be able to force myself to even try it easily.”

“Well what about a different brand? You probably just had some of the crap stuff. Which is, to be fair, most of what I drink because it’s cheaper but there’s some nice stuff.” 

“It’s hard to tell the difference between not liking a brand or flavor of something and not liking it at all,” Burn conceded. “Do I not like this wine or all wine? This soda or all soda? This cereal or all cereal? But in this case I believe it is all beer and, either way, I’m happy leaving the beer situation the way it is.” 

“As the proud owner of a bar, I am appalled.” 

“I drink other things!” 

“Still…”

“But you were going to give me your theory on why Sam was forcing the food on the narrator,” Burn reminded him. 

Charlie nodded. “Oh, yeah! Well I think he’s trying to murder the guy.” 

Burn choked out a laugh. “What?” 

“Well this food is clearly not okay and he’s a bad stalker and he’s not taking no for an answer,” Charlie explained. “It’s a good thing the book ends where it does or we’d have to see the narrator’s grisly death. Or maybe that’s why it ends where it does? Because that’s when he dies? But unless he just dropped dead instantly you’d think he’d feel something...but then again, I suppose this is a book for children.”

Chuckling, Burn said, “I hope you know you have ruined this book for me.”

“Ruined or improved?” Charlie asked. “And don’t look at me, Dr. Seuss is the one who wrote it.” 

“That he did,” Burn agreed. 

“You have no idea how weird it still is when you do that,” Charlie said. 

“Do what?” 

“Don’t say that the way I saw it was stupid,” Charlie said. 

Burn frowned. “Charlie, how could it be stupid? Nothing you said wasn’t supported by the book. And even if you have an opinion that is contradicted by the book and this discrepancy – this difference – can’t be resolved by something like an unreliable narrator it’s not stupid to simply remember a detail wrong, especially with longer books. I remember one time I was assigned to read The Great Gatsby and I did and I understood it well. But we were playing a game to help us review for the test. I knew every question but one. One of the minor characters whose name I can’t possibly recall now had some sort of business called the Swastika Holding Company. It barely came up and so I didn’t remember then but, as you can see, I’ve not forgotten it since.” 

Charlie made a face. “The swastika holding company? What, is this some sort of Nazi book?” 

“Ah, no. In fact, it was written in the 1920s and while I believe Hitler was rising to power at the time it was before he became the leader of Germany. I think the character who had that store was Jewish, in fact, because I remember being confused about this myself. The Nazis didn’t make up the swastika, it was a symbol with a long history before them though I can’t imagine people will be able to use it free of those associations anytime soon. But the point is, I don’t see why I should be calling what you say stupid when it’s not.” 

Charlie grinned fondly at him. “And when you don’t believe that being wrong makes you stupid or that stupidity even exists. There’s like three degrees of separation between you and the concept of stupidity.” 

Burn merely shrugged. “If this weren’t true, I would be a poor educator. But truthfully, Charlie, I love discussing books with you. You always make me think of even stories I know very well in a new and fascinating light.” 

Charlie looked embarrassed but pleased. “I don’t know what to tell you, Doc. I just say what I think. And I find all the ways you look at things pretty interesting, too.” 

Burn knew that, truthfully, his viewpoint was a lot less intriguing and unique than Charlie’s on almost any given subject but the academic viewpoint was simply not one Charlie had a lot of exposure to outside of him and he could accept the compliment in the spirit that it was given. 

“Thank you, Charlie,” he said warmly. 

“No problem,” Charlie said. “So, hey, I saw a book the other day that looked like it might be interesting. Or at least I liked the cover? It was a cool shade of green.” 

“Oh?” 

“It’s called The Giving Tree? Have you heard of it?” 

Burn tried not to react. 

Charlie laughed. “Wow. That bad, huh?” 

“It’s not…it’s not bad,” Burn told him. 

“It looked like you just watched a small animal get run over.” 

“Well, it may not be to my taste,” Burn allowed. “That’s it. It’s a beloved book.” 

“So is Fifty Shades of Grey,” Charlie said. “I’ve never read it but Dennis did and what he told me about it…well…it was kind of gross. Too much sex stuff, you know?” 

“Yes, I can imagine not wanting to read about sex makes those books quite unbearable,” Burn said, nodding. “I haven’t read them myself but they do not seem like they would be for me.” 

“So what’s your beef with the book?” Charlie asked. 

“It’s just…there are two characters in the book. The tree and a little boy. And at first the tree and the boy play together and are happy. And there’s just so many questions about how aware and intelligent the tree is and how it communicates and I know that’s already overthinking it but I really can’t help it. I’ve found in general people don’t choose to overthink things. They don’t think ‘well I could enjoy this the way it was intended or I could make myself miserable thinking more about it until things don’t make sense or are horrible.’” 

“I have never been accused of overthinking anything in my life,” Charlie said. “So I’ll take your word for it.” 

“The kid likes to climb the three and I think he carves his initials into it,” Burn said. “Things are good. But the kid grows up and he stops coming to visit. And it’s sad but it’s normal and really not the problem. But then he comes back and the tree doesn’t understand that he’s at a different stage of life now and she wants him to come play again. He just wants money so she gives him her apples to sell. And for some reason, those apples never grow back which – again, I know is overthinking but really – doesn’t make a great deal of sense. More time passes and he comes back and she has no apples and he doesn’t want to play. He needs to build a house so she offers to let him cut off her branches and he does and for some reason the branches don’t grow back either. In reality, cutting a branch down to the stubs increases the probability the new branch will grow in weaker but it will still grow back. This time he’s sad and wants to go sailing so she lets him chop her down to a stump and make a boat. Finally, she’s just a sad little stump in the forest and the man comes back and he’s old. She’s heartbroken because she’s given him everything she had and now she has nothing left to give him so she feels useless. But he’s old and just wants to literally sit on her so she’s happy she can still do that for him.” 

Charlie couldn’t help but grin. “I feel that might not be how the story puts it.” 

“I don’t have it memorized,” Burn admitted. “But that is my best recollection of what happened. Filtered through my own biases, of course.” 

“No, no, I think I get you,” Charlie told him. “Like this tree does everything for the boy and gives and gives and gives and the boy doesn’t even appreciate it and he just keeps taking more and never thanks the tree even though all he wants is to make her happy. Him happy. Because we’re talking about the tree and the boy.” 

Burn gave him a strange look. It sounded like he was speaking from past experience and he could only hope it wasn’t that waitress of his not appreciating him attempting to do things for her when she had apparently been very clear she did not want anything to do with him. Gratitude was only warranted when an action, no matter how kind, was done not against the other party’s will. 

“That’s it exactly. It just always struck me as a rather abusive relationship, even knowing that was not the spirit this was intended to be taken in and I am taking it rather literally. You should hear my rant about the Rainbow Fish, actually,” Burn said, chuckling. “But it just seems like one party does nothing but take even when it ends up destroying the other and the other doesn’t get anything out of it but a little attention and will happily destroy herself to try and please the boy. I will leave the people who find this story sweet to their enjoyment and look for different books for myself.” 

“The Rainbow Fish?” 

“There’s a vain fish who has beautiful rainbow scales and no one likes him so it decides to literally rip its scales off and give one to everyone thus destroying what made it unique and literally mutilating itself because the only way to fit in and be happy is to be identical to everyone else instead of the fish just learning to be nicer,” Burn summarized. 

“Yikes.” 

“That may also not be the message the book was trying to convey.” 

Charlie laughed. “I think you just might be bad at children’s books.” 

Burn laughed as well. “That very well might be true! And I know they aren’t meant for me. But I do like Dr. Seuss.” 

“So what do you suggest I read next then?” Charlie asked. 

“Actually, I think you might be ready to move on to a slightly longer book,” Burn said. “You’re doing so well and the longer books will probably be more interesting. They’ll likely be a little more challenging so don’t be alarmed if you suddenly go from be able to read virtually every word on your own to struggling or needing to ask for assistance.” 

Charlie looked nervous. “You really think I’m ready?” 

“I do,” Burn said, nodding. “I wouldn’t just throw you into the deep end, Charlie. This will be difficult but I do believe in you. And we’re not moving straight on to Shakespeare. These books are geared not so much towards beginning readers as intermediate readers, perhaps those in middle school.” 

Technically it was geared towards those aged eight to twelve, he believed, but those were not beginning readers and when children were twelve they were in middle school. 

“What books?” 

“And keep in mind, if you try the books and don’t like them or even just don’t find the idea interesting before you try it don’t hesitate to tell me. I’m not teaching you English and I tried to find a book you would like to encourage you to practice and make it rewarding when you do.” 

Charlie crossed his arms. “Doc. You’re stalling.” 

“Am I? My apologies. I just thought a lot about what books you might like and I suppose I’m nervous about whether you will or not. Not that knowing that should make you feel in any way obligated to force yourself to try and like them or anything, I just-” Burn cut himself off as he saw Charlie smirking at him. “What?” 

“Oh, nothing. Just you’re cute when you’re nervous.” 

Burn rolled his eyes, fighting a smile. He reached into his desk and pulled out a book and handed it to Charlie. 

Charlie stared at the creepy house on the cover. “Goose…humps? Welcome to Dead House.” 

Burn let out a startled laugh. “Let me see…oh, that explains it. With the fake blood dripping the b looks like an h. It’s goosebumps like the little bumps on your skin when you get cold or scared. They’re a series of monster books that often have unhappy endings or ‘the end…or is it?’ style sequel hooks. These books were past my time but my nieces and nephews enjoy them and they seem to be fun.” 

“I do like monster stuff,” Charlie said thoughtfully. “And I hate when the monster gets killed. Unhappy endings for the people probably means the monsters are okay.” 

“I suppose so,” Burn agreed. 

Charlie flipped the book over. “Look Alive! Amanda and Josh think the old house they have just moved into is weird. Spooky. Possibly haunted. And the town of Dark Falls is pretty strange, too. But their parents don’t believe them. You’ll get used to it, they say. Go out and make some new friends. So Amanda and Josh do. But these new friends are not exactly what their parents had in mind. Because they want to be friends…forever,” he read slowly. 

“Excellent!” Burn praised. “What do you think?” 

“It sounds interesting. But why would the friends wanting to be friends forever be a bad thing?” Charlie wondered. 

“I guess you’ll have to read if you want to find out.” 

“I mean, unless they go all bad stalker on Amanda and Josh if they want to stop being friends.” 

“I don’t actually know the answer to this but I presume it’s something monster-related given the series,” Burn said. “Do you think you’ll give it a shot? Remember, it’s alright if the answer is no. I’ll just have to give some more thought to another book or series that you might find interesting.” 

“No, this one’s good,” Charlie said. “I’ll let you know if I hate it but I don’t think I will.” 

Burn smiled. “That’s good! There are at least dozens if not hundreds of these books so while none of them are very long, we’ll hardly run out.” 

Charlie’s eyes widened in alarm. “Doc!” 

“Don’t worry,” Burn assured him. “I’m not going to ask you to read all of them.” 

Charlie relaxed. “That’s good. For me and probably the local library. But mostly me.” 

“Here, why don’t you start now?” Burn suggested. 

Charlie nodded agreeably and opened to the first page. “Josh and I hated our new house...”


	10. Chapter 10

Two weeks ago, Burn had said, “Charlie, I have an idea for a date that I believe you will enjoy immensely.” 

“I do like the sound of that,” Charlie said. “And we haven’t had a bad one yet. Usually my dates go pear-shaped at some point. I think maybe you might just be better at this dating thing that the people I usually go out with.” 

“I really couldn’t say,” Burn replied. “But here is to our continued lack of dating disasters. But really, as long as we don’t get adducted or have some other crime committed upon our persons I’m sure it won’t be too bad. Something like being caught in the rain or having a flat wouldn’t be so bad if it were with you and we’ve talked about how some of the most aggravating experiences can make the best stories.” 

Charlie beamed at him. “You’re sweet. So where do you want to go anyway?” 

Burn hesitated. “Well that’s the thing, Charlie. I believe you will love it but I kind of want it to be a surprise. Would you be okay with that? Going somewhere unknown with me for a mystery activity? If you don’t like it, I promise we don’t have to stay and we can go catch a movie or something instead.” 

Charlie rolled his eyes playfully. “I love how you say that as though there was any risk that if I didn’t like it you would make me stay there until you were done having fun. That’s the kind of thing that I might do – but not to you, don’t worry – but not you.” 

“Well I just wanted to be clear,” Burn said. “So what do you think?” 

“Well, is it in Philadelphia?” Charlie asked. “I’ve gotten a lot better about leaving the city than I used to be but I still like being prepared.”

Burn smiled at him. “Excellent question, Charlie. No, it is within the city limits. I would definitely let you know if it were going to be a very long drive. There’s a difference between agreeing to a surprise that would take less than an hour to get there and one that requires an overnight bag.” 

“Well alright then,” Charlie said. “You have really good taste so I’m sure I’ll like it.” 

Burn’s smile widened and he felt a warm sensation in his chest. “I’m honored by your trust in me, Charlie.” 

“Well you haven’t let me down yet,” Charlie reasoned, smiling back at him. “So do you want me to wear a blindfold so I don’t know where we’re going?” 

Burn furrowed his brow. “That…will not be necessary, no. There’s no real reason for you not to know and I don’t want you to be forced to sit there during the drive and not be able to see what’s going on around you.” 

“It’s hard to force someone who just volunteered, Doc,” Charlie pointed out. 

“I know but I would still feel bad. In fact, maybe I should just tell you now so that there’s no chance – or at least very little chance because the idea may appeal to you but the reality not so much – of you not enjoying what we’re going to be doing,” Burn fretted. 

Charlie put a hand on each of Burn’s shoulders. “Doc. Doc. Calm down. Don’t overthink this. I know you and I know you’ve thought about this a lot and I’m sure it’s going to be awesome and I’m going to love it. And if not then it’ll be a fun story for later and we’ll go have fun doing something else. You wanted it to be a surprise and I’m kind of digging the idea now.” 

“You are?” Burn asked hopefully. 

“Oh yeah,” Charlie had assured him with a bright smile. 

They had already parked and were walking towards the stables by the time Charlie realized where they were. 

“We’re going horseback riding?” he had all but shouted. 

Burn had smiled, then, half fond and half relieved. He had expected Charlie to like this idea but there was really no way to be sure until they were here. 

“Doc, don’t take this the wrong way but you might be my favorite person in the whole world,” Charlie said seriously. 

Burn laughed. “How exactly could I take that the wrong way?” 

Charlie shrugged. “Dunno. Just don’t. Come on, let’s go see the horses!” 

He raced off and Burn chased after him, feeling almost self-conscious at how utterly unselfconscious he was feeling. 

Before they reached the horses they were met by the riding instructor: a woman named Samantha Porter. Upon finding out that they had signed up for the eight week sessions in the most inexperienced group (leadline came before beginning then novice then intermediate then advance), she had explained that this group had two people per horse. They would learn how to groom the horse they chose, a task which would take somewhere between twenty and thirty minutes, before they would ride it. One partner would lead the horse while the other rode and then switch halfway through the one hour lesson. Following that was roughly twenty minutes to cool the horse down then removing the riding equipment and grooming it some more. 

Burn paid careful attention to the instructions because Charlie was bouncing on his feet and clearly barely listening to a word she said. Burn couldn’t blame him, though. He did so love horses and he hadn’t expected to see any on this day. 

There were fourteen horses to choose from. Charlie walked right past Macaroni Pony, Rooster, Zane, Romeo, George, Valentine, Peanut, Thunder, Rocky, Winnie, Otis, and Rebel. 

“I can’t decide,” Charlie said, gesturing to the last two. “Jasmine or Cole?” 

Both horses were gorgeous and powerfully built. With his extremely untrained eye, Burn supposed one might be a female horse and the other a male but he was hardly going to attempt to see for certain. 

Jasmine was a brown horse and Cole was black. 

“I like Cole,” Burn said after a moment. “I feel like he stands out more.” 

“Yeah, that’s always nice. Except, of course, when it isn’t,” Charlie said cryptically. 

Before Burn could ask what he meant, he had run off to go tell Samantha they had chosen a horse and when he got back they began the grooming process. 

The very first thing they did, which Burn hadn’t expected but made a great deal of sense, was securing the horse to the post so if it became spooked or they angered the horse it wouldn’t be able to get loose and attack them. 

“So like it seems kind of weird that we came all this way to ride a horse and we have to, like, get it ready for riding and there’s only one of it and we have to share,” Charlie said as he used the comb to remove loose hair from the horse the way he’d been shown. 

“Do you not want to groom it?” Burn asked. “Because I can-”

“Oh, no, that’s not it,” Charlie said. “I actually like this. And I’ve done it before. I sort of worked at a racetrack once when the mob was kind of after us or something? I don’t know if I ever actually got the full story there. But that…didn’t work out…” 

“Well I’m sorry to hear that,” Burn said. “Especially since you seemed to enjoy it. But can we go back to the bit about the mob?” 

“Oh, well, I think that was a misunderstanding or something? We got this speaker, right? But it turned out to have a bunch of drugs in it and Frank wanted to just throw them away but, like, that’s really irresponsible, right? That shit’s valuable. So we sold it but we’re not exactly professionals here so the guy low-balled us then the guys who the stuff belong to came looking for us and wanted us to pay them back so we ran around trying to do that and that’s when I think we were trying to place bets on horses to get the money? I was more interested in the horses. And eventually Dennis just sold something stupid and expensive Frank had bought instead of just helping us out with this in the first place and the mob left and I guess it’s all good.” 

Burn’s eyes were wide. “Dear God. That sounds horrible! Are you alright?” 

“What? Oh, yeah, definitely. It’s sweet of you to worry, Doc, but this was way back in like 2007 or so. I’m way over it. But that’s when I met Peter Nincompoop.” 

Burn tilted his head. “I take it that’s a horse?” 

Charlie’s eyes lit up. “He was the best horse! He was all white and beautiful and he loved me and I loved him! I helped him escape from the racetrack but then Dee said I couldn’t keep him in case we had to go on the run from the mob – which obviously we didn’t have to do – and I knew I couldn’t endanger poor Peter Nincompoop like that so I set him free. Haven’t seen or heard from him since so I can only assume that means he’s happy somewhere.” 

Burn could assume a lot of other things, especially depending where he set him loose. Did he just let him go in the streets of Philadelphia? In that case, animal control was probably called if someone didn’t outright take the animal. Did he take him to the wilderness? Would a tame horse know how to survive out there? It could have gotten hurt or killed. Or Charlie could be right. He would never know and he knew which story made for a happier ending. 

He said, “You stole a horse from a racetrack?” 

“No, I helped him escape,” Charlie corrected. “I could tell he wanted to go and he followed me right out of there. Horses are people, too, and don’t deserve to be enslaved like that.” 

Horse ownership from over ten years ago was not the hill that Burn was prepared to die on. 

“I’ve always had a special connection to horses,” Charlie continued. “A…what’s that word? Amenity?” 

“Affinity.” 

Charlie nodded and set down the comb. “Right, that. I think I was a centaur in a previous life.” 

Burn picked up the hard brush and began to remove the dirt and hair the comb had brought to the surface. “That’s a lovely thought, Charlie.” 

Charlie snorted. “But not real, right?” 

The look on his face…accepting and not bitter but not happy either. Resigned, perhaps. And yet he still shared that detail. Burn couldn’t help but marvel at that. He could imagine the kind of reactions Charlie usually got if he told someone something like that. He knew that if he got a reaction a fraction as negative as he was sure Charlie had gotten he would have promptly shut his mouth on the subject forever, maybe tried to convince himself he had never believed such a thing in the first place. Not for the first time, Burn marveled at Charlie’s strength. But he knew he’d just get a confused look for his trouble and Charlie laughing it off if he brought it up. He still would, of course, but not right now. They were having such a lovely time. 

Burn shook his head. “I wouldn’t say that, not at all.” 

Charlie looked at him in obvious surprise. “Really? You believe in past lives and centaurs and such? Though I guess you did think there could be dragons.” 

That hadn’t been precisely what Burn had said but it was close enough. 

“I don’t, no,” Burn said. 

Charlie looked confused. “But you said-”

“It doesn’t matter what I believe,” Burn interrupted. “It really doesn’t. Some people believe that your belief dictates reality. That’s actually the theory behind the tulpa…have you heard of that?” 

Charlie wordlessly shook his head. 

“Well I’m not an expert myself but a tulpa is basically a creature that people believe in and so it becomes real. Like if I made up a giraffe that was a champion roller skater named Missy and told a bunch of preschoolers about her and they believed in her, if she existed and what we believed about her was what was true about her that would be a tulpa.” 

“So some people think that if you believe in heaven and hell that would be where they would end up and what they believe about where they will go will be where they do?” Charlie asked. “And if they believe that they just die forever that’s what they do. And if they think that they’re ghosts they become a ghost?” 

“Exactly that, Charlie,” Burn said, smiling in approval. “Well I don’t believe in that sort of thing. I believe that what is real is real regardless of what I believe.” 

“That’s like…” Charlie trailed off, thinking about it. “Like how Frank wasn’t ever Dee and Dennis’ real dad no matter what they all thought for like thirty years?”

“Well, biological dad, but yes.”

“And how he’s my father or not regardless of what he or I or my mom or anyone else thinks? It just is or it isn’t.” 

“Well, yes,” Burn said slowly. Charlie didn’t seem upset but that was such a dark place to take this and he felt another pang that Charlie couldn’t just have this one question answered for him. Nothing would even have to change for him and Frank, he would just finally have the closure he so clearly desired. 

Charlie beamed at having successfully understood Burn’s explanation. 

Burn couldn’t help but smile back at Charlie’s enthusiasm. “So do I believe in past lives, in reincarnation? No, no I don’t. But I don’t know that there could be evidence against it. There’s no reason to believe that your belief about that is any less valid than my own beliefs about what happens after death. So maybe you did have past lives and maybe you were a centaur. I feel like you would know better than I would.” 

Charlie gestured for Burn to come stand by him and Burn did, first setting his brush down on the side of the stall.

When he came close enough, Charlie threw an arm loosely around Burn’s shoulders. “That’s what I love about you, Doc. You never look down on anything. Even some of the stupid things you probably should but it’s nice just the same. A real change from how it usually is.” 

Burn swallowed hard against the sudden warm feeling in his stomach and he determinedly did not focus on Charlie word choice. They were just words. Not even in the right context. 

Charlie appeared not to notice and after a moment let go of Burn. 

Burn quickly resumed his brushing. “To answer your original question, Charlie, this isn’t just one visit.” 

Charlie looked pleasantly surprised. “It’s not? I mean, I figured doing it like this would be cheaper but I’m kind of glad to hear that’s not it.” 

“No, it’s not that. We’re taking turns because neither of us know very much about horseback riding. You mentioned you have very limited experience and none of it formal. I used to ride occasionally when I was a child but it’s been literal decades.” 

“I guess that makes sense,” Charlie said. “But seriously, how dangerous could a horse be?” 

Burn was torn between pressing upon him exactly how dangerous a horse could be and worrying about frightening him with that information. He decided to avoid the question. “I signed us up for riding lessons.”

“Was it expensive?” Charlie asked. 

There was no good way to answer that question. It cost fifty dollars per person per session which Burn considered quite reasonable with his cushy quarter million dollar ivy league salary which didn’t even take into account grants, speaking fees, or proceeds from his books. 

According to Charlie, the really bad nights at the bar they earned less than two hundred dollars a night. Which, if that was pure profit – which it wouldn’t be – and split evenly five ways would pay Charlie less than one lesson. 

It didn’t matter, did it? It was something he had wanted to do for Charlie and he had known going in that it might not be something he enjoyed but he did. Why complicate it with details? A gift was supposed to be shared and enjoyed and the price never discussed. 

“No, it wasn’t,” he said simply. “We have eight weekly sessions and at the end of it if we decide we want to keep doing it we can sign up for the beginner class. Or we could take a break for a while and come back to it eventually. I don’t really have an endgame here, I just knew that you loved horses and wanted to do something fun with you.” 

“Doc…”

Burn glanced over and saw Charlie giving him the softest look he’d ever seen on him. 

“You are the most ridiculous person I have ever met in my entire life,” Charlie said but he was smiling and somehow he made that manage to make that sound like a compliment. 

Burn’s breath grew shallow and he glanced briefly back to Cole who was all brushed out and ready for the next step of the grooming process (being cleaned with a softy body brush, having his face dabbed with a damp sponge, and having his mane and tail brushed out). 

He set the brush down and took a step closer to Charlie. 

They had to finish preparing Cole but surely they had a moment. 

“I am, am I?” 

Charlie looked up at him as he approached. His eyes looked almost blue in the light and Burn could see every freckle on his face. “Yeah. I think you might be kind of hopeless. Hard to imagine how you survived before I came along.” 

Burn shrugged, his eyes flicking down to Charlie’s lips. “Oh, I think I did alright. But I won’t argue that I was very lucky that you did come back into my life.” 

“Yeah,” Charlie said, laughing softly. “You’re the lucky one.” 

They still had a bit of time. 

Burn leaned down and closed the distance between them.


	11. Chapter 11

Despite it having been several weeks since they began dating, they had yet to see the other’s apartment. Charlie often got picked up from in front of his apartment building if he didn’t meet Burn at his office or at Paddy’s but he always waived off any suggestions Burn had of going up to wait for him. Burn wasn’t entirely sure what that was about, though he had a few theories, and so he had decided for the time being not to make Charlie not wanting him to come to his place less noticeable by not bringing his apartment into the mix either. 

Instead, they agreed to have a picnic in the park. Charlie was in charge of the drinks and brought a bottle of wine from Paddy’s as well as a few water bottles. 

Burn was in charge of the food and he had perhaps gone a little overboard. But he didn’t see how anyone could possibly blame him for that. 

“Huh, you brought a whole cooler, huh?” Charlie asked. “We should probably put, like, the wine in there or something.” 

“If you like,” Burn said. “Though I don’t mind either way.” 

Charlie laughed. “Doc, how are you so bad at alcohol?” 

“Not minding warm wine doesn’t make me bad at alcohol,” Burn said. “Especially because after wine is initially chilled it’s rarely put back in the fridge so it often becomes room temperature by the end of a night anyway. And not liking beer is a perfectly reasonable personal preference.” 

“Sure,” Charlie said, nodding. “If you suck at alcohol.” 

Burn gave a long-suffering sigh but then he laughed. “As for what I brought...well, I was thinking about what we talked about last week.” 

“Dude, you’ll have to be more specific,” Charlie said. “We talk about, like, all the things.” 

“Well about the fruit,” Burn clarified. 

“Oh, that,” Charlie said, rolling his eyes tolerantly. “Why is everyone so concerned that I don’t eat a lot of fruit?” 

“Well you said you were in your late twenties before you’d ever eaten a pear,” Burn pointed out. “And that you hadn’t had a lot of other fruit as well.” 

“But, like, why is this a thing people care about?” Charlie asked again. “Like when Mac found out we derailed our road trip to go...well do a couple things, actually, one of them being finding me some fruit. That road trip did not end well.” 

“What happened?” 

“Well I changed my mind about going and got dropped back off at the bar and the rest of the gang was hanging out in the trailer in the back and the car got stolen,” Charlie said. “Dee got it back and all but it was not really what any of us were expecting.” 

“I can imagine,” Burn said. The very idea of getting carjacked was terrifying. He knew that Charlie’s friends didn’t always engage in the safest of behaviors but that sort of thing really could happen to anyone. Well, anyone with a car. 

“And you practically threw a strawberry at me when you did it,” Charlie continued. 

Burn laughed. “I did not! I merely…insistently held it out to you until you ate it. I was expecting you to take it and eat it, not just bite it when it was in my hand.” 

Charlie adopted an expression of supreme innocence, something he was quite good at. It usually meant, Burn had learned, that either he was very misinformed about something or he was completely full of shit. “It just looked sticky and I didn’t want to get my hands messy. Yours already were.” 

“You and my hand made it to first base,” Burn said dryly. 

Charlie just smirked. “Yeah we did.” 

“So that’s why for lunch today I decided to do something a little bit different,” Burn said. 

Charlie’s hand inched stealthily towards the cooler. 

Burn laughed. “Go ahead and open it.” 

Charlie didn’t need to be told twice and quickly tore the lid off the cooler. “Is that…damn that is a lot of fruit.” 

“It is,” Burn said. He wet his lips. “So what do you think?” 

“I think I’m going to die of fruit poisoning,” Charlie said but he was grinning. 

“That’s not a thing.” 

“It could be a thing.” 

“I mean, I read somewhere that if you chew on somewhere from 150 to several thousand apple seeds you would die of cyanide poisoning but if that’s even true and not just conventional wisdom that seems like something you’d have to do quite on purpose.” 

“Well, as a budding scientist, I feel I should test this theory and eat all this fruit,” Charlie said. “Or, well, whichever ones you’re not eating.” 

Burn smiled at him. “As much as I admire the scientific appreciation in that, I feel I would be remiss not to tell you that it is never a good idea to experiment on yourself and certainly not when it could potentially be harmful.” 

“Huh? Why not?” Charlie asked. “I mean, I guess I get where you shouldn’t do an experiment that could kill you unless, like, you’re really sure it would work or it’s really important.” 

“No, you really never should. It’s terribly impractical in case it actually does kill you and no ethical standard would support this sort of thing.” 

“But what if, like, it’s an emergency and you need to save lives and there’s no other option?” Charlie pressed. 

“Well, first of all, we don’t live in a movie,” Burn said. “So that wouldn’t happen. And secondly, there’s all sorts of fictional examples of things going wrong! Bruce Banner becomes the Hulk. Dr. Jekyll becomes Mr. Hyde and kills people. The Green Goblin. The Lizard! Essentially anyone whose research is too dangerous to test on other people and who no one will support has it end horribly.” 

“Well but what’s wrong with experimenting on yourself if it’s not super dangerous?” Charlie pressed. 

“What’s the point in that?” Burn countered. “If it’s not dangerous you can find other people. If you’re part of the experiment, you can’t be objective. Just being a part of it taints your perception and your mindset and priorities are very different depending on what part of the experiment you play.” 

Charlie thought about that before nodding slowly. “Okay. But that’s just for like, real official research, right? Like how you couldn’t test that pill on yourself because you knew the point was to pretend it made people smarter to see if it did. But if the goal was to see what happened if you only ate orange food for a month – you turn a little orange, by the way, Dennis did that once for some weird diet – then what’s the harm?” 

“Well as long as it’s unofficial I guess there’s no problem with it,” Burn conceded. “As long as, again, you’re being safe.” 

Charlie rolled his eyes playfully. “You are so worried about safety, Doc. It’s amazing you manage to walk out the door in the morning.” 

“Not everyone has your, uh, survival skills, Charlie,” Burn replied. “And I really don’t like thinking about you pushing your luck on that front.” 

“Oh, don’t worry, I don’t tell you the really upsetting stories,” Charlie said. 

Burn, who had heard many really upsetting stories about Charlie taking his life in his hands, really hoped that wasn’t true or else he might never sleep again. 

He cleared his throat and changed the subject. “Let’s start with some of the fruit you’re probably familiar with, whether you’ve eaten it or not. The really common stuff. I didn’t bring a whole fruit of every item because that would be far too much but we should be able to get a good taste for everything.” 

He and Charlie worked their way through the apples, bananas, blackberries, blueberries, cherries, cranberries, grapes, grapefruit, lemons, limes, melons (cantaloupe, honeydew, and watermelon), oranges, peach, pears, plums, pineapples, raspberries, and strawberries. 

“This stuff is all so sweet!” Charlie marveled. “Well, not the grapefruit. But other than that.” 

“You know, Charlie, some people consider fruit to be dessert,” Burn told him. 

Charlie laughed. “Nice try, Doc, but I can tell when people are fucking with me.” 

“Sometimes they’ll put sugar on it,” Burn continued. “But usually not.” 

Charlie’s jaw dropped and a look of horror crossed his face. “Oh my God, you’re serious.” 

“Afraid so. Once when a friend of mine from France came to visit, I showed her some Chocolate Pop-Tarts and she tried half of one and said it was a very rich dessert.” 

Charlie made an incredulous noise. “That’s ridiculous. Pop-Tarts are breakfast food.” 

Burn shrugged. “So I tried to tell her. And I pulled up a commercial on YouTube. But I don’t think she ever did believe me. Or maybe she just didn’t want to.” 

“I mean, if you don’t want to eat dessert that’s one thing,” Charlie said. “Dennis and Dee and Mac have all been on weird diets. But at least be honest about it. You want to deny yourself dessert, don’t be a coward and lie to yourself. Just admit you don’t eat dessert and instead eat a lot of fruit.” 

“I don’t disagree with you, Charlie,” Burn said. “Perhaps it’s because fruit is usually sweet, even if it is far too healthy to fit my definition of dessert. It’s likely a cultural thing.” 

“Well then it’s a wrong culture,” Charlie declared. 

Burn concentrated on not reacting. 

“Doc.” 

“I didn’t say anything.” 

“You didn’t have to. That’s one of those not very nice things I’m not supposed to say, isn’t it?” Charlie asked. 

“You are a grown man, Charlie. It is not my place to tell you what you should or should not say.” 

“But you don’t like that kind of thing,” Charlie pressed. 

“Well, no. From my perspective, unless people are being hurt by an aspect of a culture – such as in the book the Giver where the weaker of every set of twins was killed as an infant – then you cannot really say the culture is wrong. And oftentimes that is more complicated than you’d think,” Burn said. He considered. “Or perhaps if it is factually inaccurate? Like if a culture were to believe, I don’t know, that instead of water you need eight glasses of beer a day to survive and be healthy.” 

Charlie snorted. “Sounds like my kind of culture.” 

“But incorrect just the same. And that might dip back into the people getting hurt point. If no one was, maybe it doesn’t matter they believe that.” 

“Why are you always so concerned about not saying things that could be upsetting for people who aren’t even hear and you might not even know?” Charlie asked curiously. 

Burn had been asked that before and he had an answer but somehow he doubted Charlie would be impressed by all the high-minded rhetoric he usually used to explain his position. Eventually, he settled on, “I don’t want to be an asshole.” 

Charlie let out a startled laugh. “Well if you’re going to just state it bluntly like that! I really don’t mind being an asshole for the most part. Maybe sometimes I feel I went too far but other than that…”

“And I suppose that’s one of the reasons you don’t worry about these things so much,” Burn said. “Though it is very kind of you to modify your language as to not upset me.” 

“Well, yeah, but Doc you’re my…we’re…it’d be a total dick move to not care about things like that.” 

Idly, Burn wondered if there was a difference between being an asshole and engaging in a dick move. 

Charlie coughed loudly. “So, uh, what else do we have?” 

“These are some fruit that you may be familiar with but maybe not as they’re less common,” Burn replied. 

He started with the apricot and moved on to the Boysenberry. It took some persuading to convince Charlie they weren’t just blackberries or raspberries again, especially given that they were created from a mix of those two fruits and a few others. Burn wasn’t quite sure why Charlie thought he was trying to trick him but eventually decided it was just because he found what Burn was saying to be so unbelievable. He introduced Charlie to the date and the fig, the kiwi and the kumquat. Charlie tried the mango and the mulberry as well as the nectarine, the papaya, and the pomegranate. 

He had wanted to introduce Charlie to the blackcurrant but it was tragically banned in the United States. 

“Fruit banned?” Charlie repeated skeptically when Burn said as much to him. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. Why would a fruit be banned? If is like an evil fruit or something?” 

“No, nothing quite so dramatic,” Burn said. “I looked that up when I was planning this. I love blackcurrant. It was apparently a carrier for a fungus that people were afraid would hurt the logging industry. Many states have since legalized it again but it’s very difficult to find.” 

“Is that, like, all the fruit that there is?” Charlie asked. “Because that was a lot of kinds of fruit.” 

Burn chuckled. “Oh, no. I couldn’t possibly find all the fruit in the world! I’m actually not sure if we’ve even discovered all of it because there’s areas that no human has ever been to, or at least has never come back and shared the information with the rest of the world.” 

“So what fruit did you bring?” 

“I decided to go with the fruit with the most interesting names,” Burn said. “Just for fun.” 

“If you think about it, all words are interesting,” Charlie said. “Like take banana. So much fun to say and it sounds like that old Batman theme, you know? Nothing rhymes with orange which makes it a pretty weird world. I was listening to this drunk guy the other day and, if he was right, strawberries aren’t berries but watermelons are.” 

“That is actually true,” Burn said. “Weird as that is. As are bananas. Tomatoes. Some kinds of nuts.” 

Charlie held up his hand to stop him. “Woah, woah, woah. Berries are officially cancelled. I can’t even.” 

Burn smiled. “Fair enough.” 

Charlie grinned in anticipation. “So what kind of cool fruit did you bring me? Besides, well, all the ones we already had.” 

Burn pulled out a rich yellow fruit that looked kind of like a bunch of carrots growing from one carrot top. 

“What’s the weird feather duster fruit?” Charlie asked, fascinated. He reached out to touch it. 

Burn broke off a piece and gave it to him. “This is the Buddha’s hand. It has another name, obviously, but that’s not nearly as interesting. It’s called that because, well, people believe it resembles the fingers seen on status of the Buddha. It’s supposed to have a mild and non-bitter taste. No juice or pulp so eating it shouldn’t be messy.” 

Charlie sniffed it. “Smells like lemon.” 

“This is a cloudberry,” Burn said, holding a few out for Charlie to observe. He rather thought they looked like raspberries but with less lobes as they were larger. 

“It’s like red-orange gushers,” Charlie declared. 

“I’ve never had a gusher.” 

“I can fix that,” Charlie assured him. 

“This is a delicacy and mostly a wild plant. I didn’t buy very much because they’re a bit rare. Lots of vitamin C. They’re supposed to have a distinctive tart taste though if I’d let them get overripe they supposedly taste sweet and have the texture of yogurt.” 

“Huh. That’s weird,” Charlie said. He grabbed one of the cloudberries and popped it into his mouth. 

“This one is the miracle fruit,” Burn said, holding up what appeared to be a scarlet tomato. 

“Huh. Bold claim,” Charlie said. “Why is it called that?” 

“Take a bite and you’ll see,” Burn told him. 

Charlie did and looked unimpressed. “It’s a little sweet but that’s it.” 

Burn handed him a leftover slice of lemon. “Now try this.” 

Charlie frowned in confusion but did as he was told. He laughed abruptly. “Holy shit, there’s something wrong with this lemon, man. It’s all sweet!” 

“It’s not the lemon,” Burn explained. “It’s the miracle fruit. There’s a chemical in the fruit that attaches to the taste buds and causes sour things to taste sweet.” 

“How long does this last?” Charlie asked excitedly. 

“It varies,” Burn said. “It is eventually washed away by saliva so it depends how much saliva you are producing. I’ve read it can take up to an hour but that likely means it will be less.” 

“An hour, huh?” Charlie asked, grinning. “Hand me another lemon, would you?” 

Eventually the miraculin wore off and Burn was ready with the next fruit. “This is, uh, passionfruit.” The purple outside sort of resembled the outside of an onion and there was yellow-green gook inside of it. 

Charlie smiled brightly at Burn. “Passionfruit, huh? Sounds great.” 

Burn swallowed hard. “It’s supposed to be tart and sweet.” 

Without breaking eye contact, Charlie took the fruit from Burn’s hand and took a big bite out of it. Burn attempted to convince himself he wasn’t being affected by that but it was obviously a lost cause. Charlie looked like he was enjoying the way Burn was looking at him. And why not? 

It took them a few minutes to get back on track after that. 

“This is salmonberry,” Burn said, holding up a fruit that looked remarkably like maraschino cherries. 

“You sure those aren’t just ice cream cherries?” Charlie asked, clearly thinking the same thing. 

“Positive.” 

Charlie still made no move for them. “Why are they called salmonberries? Like, I like salmon, don’t get me wrong but I don’t think they have any business being fruit.” 

“I actually wasn’t sure about that either. And I don’t think they physically resemble salmon scales and it would be strange to name them that for that reason if they did. But then, constellations almost never look like what they are named for to me so it might be something like that. I did look it up and apparently salmonberries are usually eaten with salmon so that might be it.” 

Charlie laughed incredulously. “That’s it? You eat it with salmon so you put salmon in front of the name.” 

“People are not always so creative about naming things,” Burn pointed out. “How many places are there that have the name of an old place but with a ‘new’ in front of it? And how many Main Streets have you seen? Or streets named after geographical landmarks.” 

“Yeah, that’s true, I guess,” Charlie said. “If I were in charge of things, I’d give them way cooler names!” 

“I’m sure you would,” Burn agreed. “Another interesting fact about salmonberries is that they’re part of the rose family.” 

Charlie stared at him. “These are roses.” 

“A little perhaps? Or weeds. It’s complicated with plants sometimes.” 

Charlie merely shook his head and popped the fruit into his mouth. “Huh. Tastes…weird. Kind of sour? But kind of sweet, too. Berries are weird, man. Assuming these are actually berries and not more fake berries.” 

“I can’t disagree with you there,” Burn said. “I think you’ll really like this next one. It’s called a starfruit.” 

Charlie’s eyes widened and he grinned. “Those look like little stars!” 

“At least with this one we don’t have any doubt as to the meaning behind the name,” Burn agreed. They were a strange yellow-brown color and the slices of it did resemble star-shaped flower petals. 

“I want it,” Charlie declared, holding out his hand expectantly. “Do you eat it in like one bite or more than one? Because, like, it would be cool to eat it all together but on the other it might be kind of big.” 

Burn placed one of the slices into Charlie’s hand. “Please don’t risk choking.” 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Charlie said. He took a giant bite out of his piece and juice gushed everywhere. “Mm! Sweet! Kind of like…I don’t know. But I’m making a mess.” 

“Here, take this,” Burn said, handing Charlie a paper napkin. 

“You came prepared,” Charlie noted. 

“I should hope so,” Burn said. “But I am always ready with napkins. I tend to grab way too many when I go out to eat and then take them with me so as not to be wasteful. I haven’t actually had to buy a napkin in several years now.” 

“People buy napkins?” Charlie asked, surprised. “Huh.” 

“Not so much these days,” Burn replied. “Restaurants napkins and paper towels are all the rage.” 

“I mean, we don’t even buy napkins and we’re a bar,” Charlie said. “Maybe we should but people seem to get along just fine without them.” 

“Here we’ve got an Ugli fruit,” Burn said, taking the next fruit out of the cooler. 

Charlie laughed. “Oh, man, yeah, that is pretty ugly! What’s it called?” 

“An Ugli. Presumably because of how ugly it is.” 

Charlie frowned. “Well that’s just mean.”

“I don’t suppose the fruit minds,” Burn said. “But you’re right. It’s never nice to call someone or something ugly.” 

“Something this ugly must taste pretty good or no one would want to eat it,” Charlie reasoned. 

“I’ll let you decide for yourself,” Burn said, passing a slice over to him. “I understand it’s a hybrid of a grapefruit and an orange. Those fruits are similar but the taste could be…interesting.” 

Charlie made a considering face. “It’s good. More like an orange than a grapefruit but sourer.” 

“Well I’m glad not to have to subject you to another grapefruit! Those can be a lot,” Burn said. 

“Yeah, they don’t seem to realize fruit is supposed to be sweet. Do you think weird French people would eat grapefruit for dessert?” Charlie asked. 

“Not without sugar,” Burn said. “But it’s not just French people and just because we might find the practice unusual doesn’t mean the people who do it are weird.” 

“I mean, people who do weird things are weird,” Charlie argued. 

“I would posit that everyone does weird things,” Burn said. “Literally everybody. So we would have to say that everyone is weird. And then, to borrow from the wisdom of the Incredibles, that means no one is.” 

“I don’t know, Doc,” Charlie said slowly. “I’ve seen some pretty weird people. I’m pretty weird.” 

“You’re pretty wonderful.” 

Charlie let out a surprised smile. “Flatterer.” 

“It’s not flattery if it’s true.” 

Charlie bit his lip and Burn wasn’t sure what to do with the way he was suddenly looking at him so he cleared his throat and pulled out his final fruit. 

“I saved the best for last,” he said softly. “Or at least I thought it was the best. Hopefully you’ll agree. Or at least really like it.” 

“I’m sure I will,” Charlie answered, his voice just as soft. 

Wordlessly, Burn pulled out a large spiky pink fruit with light green on the tip of the spikes. On the inside it was white with black specks. 

“Woah,” Charlie said, his eyes shining. “What’s that?” 

Burn grinned, feeling a little smug. “Dragon fruit.” 

“Drag-” Charlie broke off. “Dragon fruit? Are you serious?” 

“Deadly.” 

“Is it called that because dragons eat them?” Charlie asked hopefully. 

“Not that I’m aware of,” Burn said. “Though we both know my tenuous relationship with the existence of dragons. It’s called that because the plant that grows it resembles a dragon’s neck and head. He carefully handed Charlie one half of the fruit and a spoon. “The skin isn’t edible.” 

Charlie took a bite and his eyes fluttered close. He made a happy noise. “This is so good! It’s like really sweet!” 

“It’s really good for you as well,” Burn said. “It’s a super-food.” 

Charlie opened one eye. “A what now?” 

Burn waved a hand idly. “You know, one of those foods that are ridiculously good for you.” 

“Well I love it. This is my new favorite fruit!” Charlie declared. “And that may not sound like much because I had barely tried any fruit before today but now I’ve tried like all the fruit all at once and this is my favorite!” 

Burn smiled warmly at him. “I’m so glad to hear it.” 

The two of them ate in silence for a while, just enjoying the day and the food and each other’s company. 

“Hey, Doc?” Charlie asked suddenly, staring resolutely down at the fruit in his hands. 

“Yes, Charlie?” 

“This whole thing…it must have taken you awhile to pull all this together, right? I mean, some of these foods you clearly never expected me to have even heard of and you looked them up and everything and you don’t have to do that with, like, normal food even if I haven’t heard of them before. Like that one time we were on that show Dennis knew all about Cottage Cheese even if I hadn’t.” 

Burn could feel his face growing hot. “Yes, well, it did take a bit of coordinating to find where some of these could be located and arranging to get them all at the same time. But I was happy to do it. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have. It’s not like you were expecting it. But it wasn’t too much work and a little planning was worth it to do this for you today.” 

Charlie glanced briefly up at him then back down to his hands. “I think maybe…no, that’s not it. I’m sure of it. I was thinking about it for a little bit and then I wasn’t sure so I forgot about it but then this happens and suddenly I know. And I think this is always the kind of thing you should let someone know right away, no matter how mad they might get to hear it.” 

At that, Burn grew slightly alarmed. “Charlie, don’t think you have to tell me anything that you think might cause problems. You know that you don’t have to-”

Charlie finally met his eye and gave him a fond smile. “No, it’s nothing like that. But I appreciate it. I just wanted to let you know that I love you.” 

Burn’s mouth went dry and he felt his heart stop. “Oh.” 

“You’re taking this way better than she ever did,” Charlie said. 

And maybe it wasn’t really the done thing to bring up previous partners – not that the woman Burn was sure Charlie was talking about had ever been that – but somehow he didn’t mind. 

Charlie was watching him but he didn’t seem to be expecting anything one way or the other. 

That was the problem with the first time someone said I love you. Saying it back seemed trite and kind of obligated. Not saying it back made it seem like the two were at very different places in their conception of the relationship and put an unspoken pressure on the other to hurry up and catch deeper feelings. 

Charlie smiled at him. “You’re overthinking this, Doc, I can tell. I just wanted you to know and, you know, not pepper spray me or anything.” 

“I’d never pepper spray you, Charlie.” 

“See? You’re taking this way better.” 

Don’t overthink it. Don’t overthink it. 

Easier said than done. 

Don’t overthink it. 

Don’t think. 

Where did that leave him? 

James Earl Jones’ voice was suddenly in his head. 

“Search your feelings.” 

He closed his eyes and just focused on breathing. 

Charlie was a comforting presence beside him. 

He didn’t know how long it was before his eyes flew open again. 

He was sure. 

“Charlie, I love you.”

Charlie’s face lit up in pure joy and Burn had never seen a more beautiful sight in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So things are going really well! Couldn't be going better! But, well, there are some issues that still need to be resolved that Burn isn't really aware of right now. Just...keep that in mind...


	12. Chapter 12

Burn loved his apartment dearly. 

It only made sense. If it didn’t make him happy, why would he live there? Price wasn’t a huge limiting factor as long as he didn’t stray towards the overly extravagant. It wasn’t as though he lived in Manhattan, after all. He had been reliably informed there were castles one could purchase for cheaper than the cost of some Manhattan apartments. All things being equal, he’d have to take the castle. 

He knew some people who didn’t care much for the details of their apartment as long as it was in a safe neighborhood and big enough for their needs. 

But this was his home. It was where he spent many of his waking hours and it was his safe space when the outside world was too exhausting or stressful or otherwise difficult. He lived alone so he could transform the space he had been given however he wanted to. 

And he had. 

He had taken quite a keen interest in the decorating of the place, choosing every paint swatch and item of furniture himself. He was no interior designer but he did not need the rooms to belong in some magazine, only to suit his tastes. Every piece of art, every tchotchke, every book on his shelves meant something to him and was placed exactly where he liked it. 

He had recently purchased a large painting of dragons flying free. It wasn’t his usual taste but he had felt a wide smiling form when he had first laid eyes on it and found himself quite incapable of walking away. 

Burn had never felt unsafe in his apartment before but as his eyes fluttered open he had the strangest sense that someone else was in the apartment with him. 

No one else should have been in the apartment. 

It was, as far as these things went, a large apartment. He had a living area and a kitchen, of course. A den for working. An area his floor plan labelled a foyer and a gallery. A terrace with a lovely view. Two bedrooms in case he had a guest and two bathrooms, one of which was connected to his bedroom. It was large enough that someone might be hiding somewhere in it and he would never know. 

But he could feel it. 

The light was off but he could feel it. 

Abruptly, he realized his shirt was off. He lived alone but he got cold easily so always wore a full set of pajamas (whether they be official pajamas or a t-shirt and sweatpants) to bed along with a pair of socks. Sometimes he woke up to find a sock had come off in the night. He had never had this happen to him with a shirt before.  
He was lying on his stomach and he became aware that there was a slick feeling on his back, as though it had lotion or oil or something spread out on it. 

What in the…? 

Burn focused his attention on controlling his breathing as it occurred to him he might be in a very bad position here. Someone had clearly broken into his apartment and removed his shirt and spread something on his back. This could not be good. This could involve him being attacked and assaulted or killed or both. At its most benign, there was some creepy person here stalking him or what have you. There was no way this was alright. 

Though Burn lived alone, he slept with the door shut. Some people thought that was ridiculous and talked about air flow but Burn wasn’t concerned with that. No, he worried about feeling ridiculous but afraid of the shadows. Shutting the door made him feel safer, even if a little privacy lock wasn’t going to keep anyone out that had managed to get through the rest of the security. 

The door was still shut. Or shut again. Anyone who had come in here would have had to open it. 

Carefully, Burn pulled himself into a sitting position, making sure not to spread any of the mysterious substance on his back onto his sheets or pillow. He turned the light on and was relieved to find he was alone in his room. 

He spotted his shirt near the end of the bed and quickly put that on. He would have preferred to wipe whatever that was off of him first but he wanted to see if whoever it was was still there. 

On the one hand, that was a very foolish thing to do. This person could very well be dangerous and if they wanted to flee without him confronting them or seeing their face it would be better just to let them. On the other, if they did intend to hurt him he doubted very much he could stop them and he refused to just cower in his bedroom until morning came hoping that fate would be kind to him tonight. 

Burn turned off the light in his room and crept quietly out the door. He couldn’t hear anything over the sound of his whole heartbeat thudding in his ears. 

He almost tripped in the dark but managed to catch himself just in time. He clicked on the light in the gallery and saw no one there. This way held the only exit to the apartment (well, the only reasonable exit given how far up he was) and he was torn between standing there waiting or trying to see if anyone was in another room in the apartment. 

He still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was not there alone. 

Then someone came out of the bathroom and Burn’s heart stopped. He swallowed hard and his mouth worked a few times before he finally managed to get out, “Charlie.” 

Charlie was dressed all in black and was even wearing a black beanie on his head. He seemed uncertain. “Oh, uh, hi.” 

“What the actual fuck, Charlie?” 

Burn could tell his use of profanity had startled Charlie but that couldn’t possibly compare with how startled Burn was by his very much unexpected presence in the apartment. 

Charlie started to say something but Burn shook his head. 

“No, I’m not having this conversation here. Follow me.” 

Dutifully, Charlie trailed behind Burn as he led the way to the kitchen table. He gestured for Charlie to take a seat and, wringing his hands, Charlie did so. His eyes never left Burn and he looked like he desperately wanted to say something but refrained. 

Burn’s hands were shaking and he needed a moment to gather his thoughts. Almost absently, he began the process of making tea. It finally occurred to him to glance at the clock and he found it was half past three in the morning. He didn’t need this. He took some raisins out of his refrigerator and poured them into two small glass bowls. He poured the tea when it was ready into two cups and mixed far more sugar into the one he was not intending to drink. 

It was ridiculous, it really was. Charlie had broken into his apartment in the middle of the night. He didn’t owe him anything. But the last thing he would want to do is feel bad when he had the moral high ground by eating and drinking without offering the other person in the room some and so they would both be having tea and a light snack. 

Charlie didn’t even look surprised when Burn placed his share before him. A little sad, perhaps, but not surprised. 

Burn took a deep breath and sat down across from Charlie. “Explain.” 

Charlie winced at the coldness in Burn’s voice. “Okay, so, like I know that this looks bad and all. And, uh, I’m really grateful you haven’t called the police or anything. Or, uh, haven’t called them yet I guess? Because I know you could still call them at any time. Maybe you still will. But thank you for giving me a chance to explain, at least.”

“If it looks bad it’s only because it is bad,” Burn said flatly. “I’ve never given you my address, Charlie, and yet somehow you’re here in the middle of the night despite all my locks. And you took off my shirt while I was sleeping and were rubbing something on me!” 

Another wince. “Yeah, well, when you put it like that-”

He seemed to be waiting for Burn to interrupt him. And Burn so dearly wanted to. But he wanted answers more and it was too early and he was so tired and he had to teach in a few hours and if he kept interrupting they would be there for hours. 

Instead, he resolutely took a sip of his tea. 

Charlie took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “Okay, so, it’s like this. I love you, right? We talked about it.” 

Burn felt a sudden sharp twist in his gut at the memory of that idyllic day in the sun just over a week ago now. How could Charlie possibly bring that up now? Why would he? What did one have to do with the other? He had always been aware that Charlie believed some unconventional things but surely he didn’t believe that just because they had discussed their feelings for each other it meant that it was acceptable to come and go in the other’s residence at will, without even asking or letting the person living there know. 

No, Charlie wasn’t an idiot. He may not have any concept of where stars came from or that cats were not literally in possession of nine lives but he knew damn well that this was not appropriate. He had told him all about that restraining order that one woman had against him. He was starting to get a better idea of what that might have been about. 

Charlie seemed disheartened by Burn’s silence and he nervously sipped at his tea. “And, like, I hadn’t really thought about this when it comes to a man but I figure it has to be pretty much like what it is with a woman, right? How when you really love them and you’re devoted to them there’s certain things you’re supposed to do for them. Things like forgive him and pay attention to the little things and remember birthdays and anniversaries. You want to encourage his dreams and spend fifteen minutes when he gets home from work talking about his day and just…always be there for him, you know?” 

“And what is this, then?” Burn demanded. “You always being there for me? In the middle of the night? Committing a crime? While I’m not aware of your presence and sleeping?” 

Charlie looked distressed and, damn it, why was Burn’s first instinct still to try and comfort him? Charlie didn’t deserve to be comforted for this, not by Burn. His hand tightened around his cup. 

“Well…kind of? I mean, that one’s a bit vague. Always being such a big word and all. Any time I see you would be part of that, I guess. But I was just trying to give you a back rub with your favorite lotion.” 

That was what it was. His first thought was right and he was relieved it hadn’t been something more dangerous or disgusting. His back did feel relaxed. 

“A back rub,” he repeated. 

Charlie tried for a nervous smile but it didn’t quite work. “That’s like a really romantic thing to do for someone, right? Like I’ve researched these things!” 

“Perhaps under different circumstances,” Burn allowed. “But why did you break into my apartment in the middle of the night to do it while I was sleeping and without giving me any idea I was in for a back rub?” 

Charlie looked honestly confused. “Why?” 

“Yes. It’s a simple question.” 

“I guess…” Charlie trailed off, biting his lip. “I always do that?” 

“Al-Always?” Burn asked, his voice raising several octaves higher. “You’ve done this before?” 

Charlie flinched. “Well, I-I mean I was really talking about with the Waitress, you know? She’s always so stressed and that really seems to help her, you know? But she’d never let me get anywhere near her for that kind of thing while she’s awake!” 

“Then perhaps you shouldn’t do it!” Burn burst out. “But either way, I am not her. I see you all the time! There was no reason you couldn’t have simply asked me!” 

“I’m sorry,” Charlie said in a small voice. 

He didn’t want to hear it. 

“You didn’t deny that you’ve come here and done that before,” Burn said, as calmly as he could. 

Charlie looked down at his hands. 

“How many times, Charlie?” 

“I don’t know,” Charlie said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

Burn wasn’t sure he believed that but what was to be gained by pushing? Did he really want an answer? “What else?” 

Charlie’s gaze flickered up to him. “Huh?” 

“What else have you done while you were here?” Burn asked. “Or was it just the massage?” 

Charlie hunched his shoulders. 

“Charlie. I’m going to need you to tell me.” 

“It wasn’t much!” Charlie insisted. “Just, you know, sometimes I’d do some of your laundry for you! You always seem so busy and I know you don’t like doing it yourself.” 

It took Burn a moment to react to that. “Gaslighting,” he murmured. 

Charlie’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What?” 

Burn cleared his throat and raised his voice. “Gaslighting. It’s a term based on an old movie of the same name where someone tried to do this to his wife. It’s when you try to convince someone that their experience of reality isn’t real. Trying to drive them crazy.” 

Charlie’s eyes widened in horror. “Do-I would never!” 

“Maybe not intentionally,” Burn said. “Though in this instance I don’t see that it necessarily matters. I don’t have a lot of clothes. I live alone. I pay attention. Some of my things have been moved around. Laundry has been done that I was certain I did not do. And some of my clothes have just gone missing. Not much, a pair of socks here or a shirt there. My wardrobe is large enough that I can get by without them but I do not have so many clothes that I didn’t notice. I didn’t know what to think. I certainly didn’t believe that my boyfriend was breaking in here and doing laundry and…did you keep any of my clothes? I thought I was losing my mind, Charlie!” 

Charlie looked strangely stricken, more than Burn would have expected even for having just yelled at him. He didn’t understand until he said Charlie mouth the word ‘boyfriend’ to himself, blinking rapidly. 

Belatedly it occurred to Burn that they had never defined it. They had called themselves friends before. They went on dates. They had just said they loved each other. But this was the first time either of them had said they were boyfriends and look at the circumstances. 

Burn felt a sharp stab of anger he closed his eyes and tried to push down that Charlie’s actions had taken what could have been a beautiful moment from them and turned it into this. And he had so been looking forward to bringing Charlie to his apartment for the first time. He had been careful not to so as to not make Charlie’s discomfort showing Burn his own apartment obvious. And that was for nothing as well. No, no, don’t dwell on that. That wouldn’t help matters. That was beside the point. And besides, he was the one who had said it and now Charlie looked like he was about to cry. 

Burn couldn’t look at him. He knew his resolve would crumble if he did and he couldn’t have that. This was serious. 

“I…” Charlie started to say but his voice cracked and he trailed off. “I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t think…I was trying to help you, you know? Without making a big deal about it? When it came to the Waitress I always had to hide all the stuff I did for her because I knew she wouldn’t accept it otherwise and I hadn’t really stopped to think how different it’d be with you. She never seemed to notice or care if her laundry just mysteriously cleaned itself. I’m not…it’s not an excuse but I’m not very experienced with these kinds of things. I didn’t think and I never wanted you to think you were crazy. I-I know how much that can suck. I didn’t want to hurt you. That was the last thing I wanted. An-And I did keep some of your clothes. They just…they smelled like you. They help me sleep.” 

It was too much. It was far too much. He felt too big for his body, like he was just going to expand until there was no space left in this kitchen anymore. His legs were trembling. He couldn’t look at the man in front of him. 

“I’m sorry,” Charlie said again, his plaintive tone making it clear that he knew just how useless the words were. 

Burn was quiet for a long time until he trusted himself to speak. “Was there anything else?” 

Charlie mumbled something. 

Oh God there was. It seemed Charlie was being honest with him and that was a good thing, he knew distantly that it was, even if all he wanted right now was for Charlie to swear up and down that he had never crossed another boundary in his life and somehow they could still get past this. 

“Speak up.” 

“I told you, I was trying to encourage your dreams,” Charlie said miserably. 

“I don’t understand.” 

“Well…I don’t always…understand other people’s dreams,” Charlie explained haltingly. “So I figured the best way to do that is to watch someone sleep.” 

Under other circumstances, someone watching him sleep could be sweet and adorable. In these circumstances it was something out of a nightmare. Someone watching him when he was at his most vulnerable, someone who had no business being there. Someone who he had really thought that he could trust. 

After a moment, Charlie continued, “I don’t know if it helps but it makes me feel like I understand them better, you know? Like I…I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.” 

“You keep apologizing for having hurt me, not for what you did,” Burn said finally. “It’s like you don’t understand why these things are a problem.” 

“Of course I do!” Charlie insisted. “Because they upset you.” 

“They would upset virtually anyone! It’s not something highly specific like being upset someone didn’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day!” Burn countered. “Why does this upset me, Charlie?”

Charlie didn’t appear to have an answer. 

Burn shook his head. “I can’t. I really can’t.” 

In a small voice, Charlie continued. “That’s all I did here but…in the interest of being honest…and because I don’t think this can get any worse…”

Dread flooded Burn. “What else did you do?” 

“I wrote you a poem a couple of weeks ago. You hadn’t taken me to your place yet so I didn’t think you’d know it was from me if I left it on your pillow like I always did with the Waitress.”

“A poem? What-” Realization hit and he finally forced himself to look back at Charlie. “No. No you didn’t.” 

Charlie looked uncomfortable. “If you’re thinking of what I think you’re thinking of then, yeah, I did. I didn’t expect you to freak out like that. I was trying to be romantic.” 

“You wrote me a poem in blood!” 

“It wasn’t human blood! Just rat blood!” Charlie said, trying to defend himself. 

“That barely makes it better! Charlie do you know…of course you do! I told you all about it! I thought it was a threat! Campus security escorted me to my car every day for a week!” 

“I know I messed up,” Charlie said. “That’s why I didn’t do another one. But I didn’t mean to.”

“Charlie, writing a poem is a sweet gesture. But why on Earth would you write it in blood?” Burn demanded. 

“I wanted to show that I put some real effort into it,” Charlie replied. “Anyone can write in ink. This takes dedication. Devotion. And that’s what I was trying to show.” 

He looked the same. He sounded the same. Burn suddenly felt very much like he was sitting in a room with a complete stranger. 

“Charlie, none of what you told me is okay,” Burn said bluntly. “I…do appreciate you being honest when I asked but none of this is anywhere near the area of ‘okay.’” 

Charlie nodded but he’d all but admitted that he didn’t know why except for that it had upset Burn. 

“Charlie, it’s the middle of the night and I have work in a few hours. And, to be quite honest, I don’t particularly want to see you right now. Please leave.” 

Wordlessly, Charlie rose for the table and started towards the foyer. 

Burn followed him as he went. 

Charlie hesitated at the doorway. “Doc…you’re not just testing me, are you?” 

“Testing you,” Burn repeated. “No I’m not…what are you even talking about?” 

“Only the Waitress does that to me all the time, you see,” Charlie said, sounding very tired all of a sudden. “I never understood why she does it to me and not anyone else. Why after everything Dennis has done to her if he called her up and asked to have sex with her she’d do it. But that’s the relationship she and I have. She always pushes me away and yells at me and has me arrested and files restraining orders but she’s just testing my devotion. I know she is. That’s who we are.” 

How was it possible that after all this he still felt a twinge of sadness at the desperate need to believe his own words he could feel coming from Charlie? 

“Oh, Charlie, I’m sorry but I really don’t think she is.” 

Charlie looked pained. “You just don’t understand the situation with us. You’ve never met her.” 

“Maybe I don’t,” Burn said. “But don’t treat me like a woman who has a restraining order against you.” 

“I…that’s fair,” Charlie admitted. “That’s why I ask. All of that, that’s her and my thing and it could never be any different. But you kept pointing out a lot of these things I kept assuming I had to do in secret and maybe that isn’t the case. Wasn’t the case. Because of, um, well, you know. But that’s not what we have. You act like you like me around and you help me out when I ask and you show me all these cool things and places and you listen to me and never think I’m stupid. So I know I messed up when I tried to do things like I’d do with her. I-I just didn’t think. There hasn’t been anyone else but her in such a long time, man, you know? It just didn’t occur to me that I needed to do things differently.” 

“I wish that made a difference,” Burn said honestly. 

Charlie let out a hollow laugh. “Yeah, me, too. So. This isn’t a test.” 

“It’s not.” 

“You don’t want me to come back and prove that I really do love you.” 

“Honesty, I don’t know how I’d react if you did but it would not be what you would want,” Burn said. 

Charlie nodded jerkily. “Doc, are we…” He steeled himself. “Are we breaking up?” 

Yes. 

No. 

God, why couldn’t this just be a horrible dream? 

He didn’t want to, even now, but he thought he might need to. But it was maybe four in the morning and he hadn’t asked for any of this and he was way too frazzled right now to make any sort of rational decision right now. 

“I don’t know,” Burn said honestly. “So…no. Not this very second. But I need space. I need to think, to process. I need you to stay away. And when I know, I’ll come find you. And we’ll either break up or we won’t.” 

Charlie stared at him like he was trying to memorize his face, like he thought maybe he’d never see Burn again despite what he had just said. 

“Okay,” he said quietly. “Okay, Doc. I can do that for you. But don’t take too long, okay? If I fucked up too bad then just pull the Band-Aid off. I can take it.” 

“Good night, Charlie.” 

“Goodbye, Doc.”


	13. Chapter 13

It’s not like Burn is scared of Charlie. How could he be? Not only had Charlie made it very, very clear that he hadn’t intended to hurt him and been devastated that his completely inappropriate behavior had had that effect but he just was not a scary man. He was bright and excitable and fascinating. 

He had his dark side, that Burn had frankly heard a lot more about from him than had actually seen, but looking at him it was so difficult to remember that sometimes. He just had this aura of innocence about him so often, this inviting adorableness that had made Burn perhaps not ask the kind of follow-up questions he really should have when Charlie had first mentioned the fact that there was a woman with a restraining order against him that he treated as an afterthought at best. 

Thinking about him even now, it caused a pain in his chest, but he still couldn’t see any traces of inner darkness in the memory. 

It would make him a great serial killer. They had said Ted Bundy was like that. Paul Bernardo. And while he had seen pictures of them and not been impressed. Bundy looked rather plain and every inch the young republican he had portrayed himself as. Though some of his smiles in certain photographs were unsettling Burn really had no way of knowing if that was just his bias because he was well aware of the man’s horrible crimes. As for Bernardo, he looked like the typical bad boy and nothing special there, either. That was where the charisma came in, he supposed. Something impossible to capture on film. 

Charlie was cute, that couldn’t be denied. He’d looked at photos often enough over the last few days, trying to understand any of this, that he was sure of that. And yet he too lacked something frozen in still frame. An infectious sort of energy that had drawn him in before he was even quite sure of what was happening. 

But it wasn’t a fair comparison. Charlie was hardly a serial killer. He didn’t want to hurt people. He had and clearly could without intending to, never mind if he did want to, but he knew Charlie well enough to know that much, didn’t he? He wouldn’t go that far. And while his apparent stalking habit could lead him to do all sorts of harm in the name of protecting the objects of his affection, he couldn’t see Charlie being so delusional as to think physically hurting or killing them would do that. 

But then, wasn’t that always how those stories on the news started? ‘He seemed like a great guy.’ ‘He was the last person you’d expect this kind of thing from.’ Well of course they always were because why would someone welcome someone they believed to be a danger to them that far into their life? More concerning was ‘I didn’t think he’d go that far.’ 

The fact remained, all of this and he wasn’t scared and that concerned him more than anything. Charlie had broken into his house on multiple occasions, absconded with trophies, watched him sleep, touched him non-sexually but non-consensually as he slept…why wasn’t he scared? He was disappointed and angry and sad and confused and off balance but not scared. 

He had had his locks changed. He had taken to sleeping with the lights on in the gallery so he could see them under the door to his bedroom. He thoroughly checked the apartment to make sure he was alone when he arrived home. He moved a chair in front of the door and put a wind chime on the handle on the inside so he would at least wake up if someone tried to burst in. He hadn’t been able to sleep at all that first night after it had happened and he had certainly not been able to go back to sleep after Charlie had left. 

He knew this was a reasonable if not rational way of responding to what had happened. He was toying with the idea of going to see a therapist himself. He knew that many of his colleagues did but those were the ones who saw patients themselves and taught and conducted research. Prevailing wisdom was that any good therapist had a therapist themselves because the problems the clients brought to them could be very dark and stressful and hit too close to home. The only problem was, he wasn’t sure what a therapist could tell him that he didn’t already know. Although perhaps hearing it from an outside source would be helpful? And he hadn’t been able to bring himself to discussing what had happened with anyone else because, God help him, he still didn’t know how he was going to handle it and if their relationship somehow survived this he didn’t want to face the quiet judgment from someone who knew. 

It was foolish. By all accounts, a relationship could not survive this. He knew that. He had seen relationships end – had been a part of relationships that had ended – over far less. So what was he waiting for? 

Maybe he would seek out that therapist. The University had a lengthy list of recommendations. 

He wasn’t scared of Charlie but he couldn’t deny he hadn’t felt safe since he had learned what Charlie had done and wasn’t that a paradox? 

He didn’t even know if he could trust his own feelings here because feelings weren’t facts and weren’t foolproof. What if he underestimated the danger level and did end up dead? He didn’t think that was a risk but what if he was wrong? 

Burn hadn’t seen Charlie since it had happened. He hadn’t heard from him either. On the one hand, he was relieved that Charlie was respecting his wishes (or so he hoped. Now he knew the other man could and would watch him unseen he was never quite sure he was alone) but on the other all he wanted to do was to sit down and question him until he understood why Charlie had had to do this to them. But since Charlie didn’t seem to understand it completely and failed to recognize the real problem, what good would that do even if Burn could contain his emotions and be rational? 

He had gone to a colleague a few days before Charlie’s next scheduled tutoring session. 

He had knocked on Dr. Edwards’s door a few minutes before their weekly staff meeting. “Imani, I have a favor to ask of you but it…Well, it’s important to me but I don’t know if it’s a big favor or a little favor. It wouldn’t be difficult but the context is rather complicated. Understand, I completely understand if you say no.” 

Imani had raised her eyebrows at him and gestured for him to come in and shut the door. “You certainly know how to sell something, don’t you, Burn?” 

Burn had laughed self-consciously. “Yes, well, I’m rather out of my element here. You remember that dyslexia testing I had Emily run on a former participant in that study of mine that…got out of control?” 

“I do,” Imani had said, leaning forward and steepling her hands. “You felt bad about that whole placebo mess and he came to you seeking tutoring, yes? So the testing was to see if there was a reason he was underperforming so much.” 

Burn had nodded. “Yes, that’s it. I am not seeking any monetary compensation for these services nor am I benefiting from them in any real way. I just wanted to help and it’s not as though I am flooded with requests to tutor people in their basic reading skills.” 

Imani had narrowed her eyes at him. “Okay, what is this? Burn, I watched your little freak-out after that presentation with Charlie Kelly. You reread the ethical code and spent a ridiculous amount of time making a spreadsheet of everything you could remember doing in the past five years that would violate any of those things. We were all very concerned.” 

Burn had coughed. “Yes, well, I can see where I might have tried to course correct a little too hard but it really scared me how easy it was for me to slip into that sort of unethical behavior!” 

“And I’m not saying that you were wrong to be guilty about what happened, I would have been too in your place,” Imani had told him. “I’m just saying that after that I absolutely trust you wouldn’t go out and do something blatantly unethical again so the fact you’re trying to convince me of that before telling me what’s going on is both confusing and kind of worrying.” 

“Well I don’t believe I did anything unethical,” Burn had said. “Or I wouldn’t have done it. But it took me awhile to decide on that and if the context was different it would have been unethical so I’m trying to explain the context.” 

“Oh my God, why are you so bad at storytelling?” Imani had asked, playfully banging her head on the back of her chair a few times. 

Burn had chuckled apologetically. “Sorry, sorry. Well the gist of it is that Charlie and I became friends and later became romantically involved.” 

Imani had looked at him aghast. 

“He’s not a student, he’s not an employee, it’s been over two years since he was a participant, and other than this informal free tutoring that falls outside the scope of my profession, I’m not in any sort of position of power over him nor do I feel this relationship has harmed him in any way!” Burn had said loudly, wildly waving his hands about. 

“Yeah, no, I figured you’d make sure because like that’s rule number one on how not to be a creep and a dumbass and lose your job and your license,” Imani had said. “I’m more upset because how the fuck do you not tell me you have a boyfriend?” 

Burn had flinched at that word. 

Imani had cocked her head, suddenly concerned. “Burn?” 

“I…Well it’s not like I’ve kept it a secret from everyone-”

“Not helping.” 

“It’s just I didn’t want to spread it too far at the university due to the appearance of impropriety,” Burn had explained. 

“I would kick your ass so hard for this except I am sensing there is trouble in paradise and I’m not that much of an asshole,” she had said. 

Burn had shot her a grateful look. “Understand I’d rather not get into the details but a few days ago we had…well it was a rather bad fight. I haven’t seen him since and I’m still trying to sort out my feelings on the matter and how I intend to proceed. In the meantime, he is supposed to come in for a tutoring session Monday. I don’t know whether he will or not because I did ask him to allow me to be the one to reestablish contact but also I did not cancel our session and the session is outside of our relationship. In addition to my own negative reaction to trying to be professional around him right now, I do not feel competent to go over his progress and teach him the way I am feeling right now. And I highly doubt our unresolved fight will make concentrating on learning from me any easier for him.” 

“You want me to take over the sessions?” Imani had asked shrewdly. 

“I do,” Burn had said. “I…should warn you he doesn’t have the greatest sense of boundaries so you would have to be firm on those and he sometimes inadvertently says something offensive but I have found him to be open to hearing what was the problem with what he has said. Just so you know what to expect if you agree. He is a very motivated learner and always follows the instructions. He’s made great progress since we first began working together.” 

“And you don’t want to just abandon him academically because of your personal issues,” Imani had said, nodding. “Makes sense. Well, I agree it’s not really fair to drop him without telling him though this isn’t therapy where you’re ethically bound to not terminate without a recommendation. So I’ll tell you what. Give me your notes and I’ll see him this Monday. If it goes fine then I can keep doing it. If it’s a train wreck I’ll let him know he’ll have to wait until you find someone else or you’re comfortable seeing him again. I think I should probably be able to handle it if, despite the drawbacks you mentioned, he’s a guy you like well enough to date but I don’t want to promise forever on a guy I haven’t even met yet.” 

Relief had flooded Burn and he had genuinely smiled for the first time since he had woken up to realize he wasn’t alone in his apartment. “Thank you, Imani. You have no idea what this means to me.” 

“I think I do,” she had said. “It’s hard to be torn between professional obligations and just being human, you know? Even if technically this isn’t a professional obligation but more of a do-gooder one.” She paused. “I know you said you didn’t want to really get into it but…how long of an arrangement do you foresee this being?” 

“Honestly, I’m not sure,” Burn had admitted. “But like I said, he’s made remarkable progress. He’s been working his way through the Goosebumps books and when we started working together he thought his name was spelled CAT. A not very amusing trick a friend of his pulled on him though if he had been more literate it never would have worked.” 

“Got it,” Imani had said. “You take care of yourself, you hear that, Burn? Don’t try and force yourself to see him before you’re ready just because you don’t want me to have to do this indefinitely or because you it doesn’t work out and you don’t want to leave him in the lurch. You have a bit of a bad habit of putting everyone else’s needs first.” 

“Well,” Burn had said slowly, “it is an occupational hazard. Or do we really need to talk about your post-doc where you ended up staying an hour late at your site on your birthday? When you had plans?” 

Imani had laughed. “I know, I know, I’m a hypocrite. But seriously, I got this one. You look out for you.” 

Imani had told him that Charlie had shown up, looking nervous as hell, and was surprised but amenable to working with her instead. Working with him had gone well. Burn hadn’t asked more than that and he wouldn’t know. After his classes that day, he had gone home and he hadn’t set foot in his office. He hadn’t wanted to risk running into Charlie. 

He saw a Starbucks on his way to a meeting he had to attend and realized he was feeling rather tired. The line for the drive-thru was far too long for him to be willing to deal with but there were not many cars in the parking lot so he parked his car and got out and walked in. 

The pretty blonde behind the counter was clearly having a bad day but forced a smile when he approached. “Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get started for you?” 

He glanced at her nametag. “Ah, Nicole, my order is a bit complex. I’m a big fan of the secret menu, you see. I hope that’s alright.” 

Nicole was looking at him, stunned. 

“What?” Burn asked, self-consciously. 

“I…nothing,” she said, shaking her head as if to clear it. “That’s fine. Just make sure not to speak too fast and be aware that anything extra you add increases the price.” 

Burn nodded. “I will. I’ll have the Hot Butterbeer Latte. Have you heard of that?”

“No but I know a Harry Potter reference when I hear it,” she said, grinning. 

“Yes, well, guilty,” he replied. “It’s a grande latte with whole milk steamer, three pumps of caramel syrup, three pumps of toffee nut syrup, three pumps of cinnamon dolce syrup, with whipped cream and salted caramel bits on top.” 

“No offense but I’m pretty sure I just got diabetes from typing that in,” Nicole said. “If someone else delivers your drink, know I’ve slipped into a diabetic coma.” 

Burn laughed. “Yes, well, this isn’t what I order every day but it was just feeling like that kind of a day, you know?” 

She held up her hands playfully. “Hey, I’m not your doctor. You don’t need to justify yourself to me! What’s the name on that?” 

“Burn.” 

He paid for his drink and then went to go stand near the area where they put completed drinks. 

His eyes casually swept over the other patrons in the establishment before freezing. 

Charlie was sitting at a table and staring at him with a pained look on his face. 

Burn’s initial instinct was panic. Had he followed him here? How could he have, Burn had never been to this Starbucks before as best he could recall which meant it was not a regular part of his schedule and he had not planned on stopping here. He would have gone through the drive-thru if the line was shorter. And Charlie had clearly been here long before him. 

He tried vainly to calm his racing heart. He hated that that was his first reaction, wondering if Charlie was, well, stalking him even when that was clearly not the case. Hated that even now he still wanted to run for the door. But he was waiting for his drink and he was not a child and Charlie was making no move to approach him. He didn’t know what he would do if he did. 

Charlie wasn’t alone. He was sitting across the table from his friend Mac who Burn thought might have been at the failed presentation but that he knew better from that family game show they had all been on. Mac was looking between Charlie, whose attention he was trying and failing to get, and Burn with confusion and growing annoyance. 

Somehow Burn felt his eyes slide back to Charlie. It was the first time he had seen him since he had asked him to leave a few weeks back. He didn’t look good. He looked like he hadn’t been sleeping and his hair looked like it hadn’t been washed and his shirt was covered with who even knew what. 

With a guilty start, Burn realized that might be because of him. But he hadn’t done anything wrong that night. He knew he had kept Charlie waiting some time but the simple fact of the matter was that he still didn’t know what he wanted. Or rather, he did but he didn’t know if there was anything left to salvage after such a horrible betrayal of trust like that. How could it ever be the same? 

The two of them continued to stare at each other and Burn wondered vaguely what Charlie saw when he looked at him. He didn’t fall apart in nearly so dramatic of a fashion. It didn’t matter how bad he felt, he was always going to wear clean and professional clothes and maintain his hygiene. At his job, he could hardly do anything else and he was well aware that the first step towards feeling human again was to maintain a certain standard of presentability even if it was hard. 

And it had been hard. 

Nicole had to call his name twice before he started, thanked her for his coffee, and left the shop. 

When he looked back, Charlie was still staring after him.


	14. Chapter 14

“Okay, so, uh, quick question: What the actual fuck, Science Bitch?” Mac demanded, barging into his office a week after Burn had last seen him in that Starbucks. It wasn’t office hours but, as surprising as this unexpected visit was, that part was almost expected. 

“That’s not my name,” he said mildly. 

Mac rolled his eyes. “Yeah, no shit it’s not your name. Whose mom would go around naming them Science Bitch anyway? But I’m sure as fuck not going to go calling you ‘Doc’ like you’re from Back to the Future or something! You invent a time travelling car and we can renegotiate.” 

“I don’t want you to call me Doc,” Burn said. Only Charlie called him that and he didn’t want to think about Charlie but if his close friend was here then not only was Burn going to have to be thinking about him but he’d have to talk about him as well. He looked balefully at his clock. His next class wasn’t for another hour. “My name is Burn.” 

Mac laughed incredulously. “Burn? What kind of hippie name is that?” 

“I’m not a hippie.” 

“Druggie then?” 

“No.” 

“I mean, I think you’ve got to be one or the other, dude,” Mac said. “Or maybe your parents were? I don’t know but that’s beside the point. Now, you probably don’t know who I am but-”

“Of course I know who you are,” Burn interrupted. “You’re Ronald MacDonald, better known as Mac, and you are Charlie’s oldest friend. Also possibly his adopted brother, I really wasn’t clear on that after watching that episode of Family Fight.” 

“Yeah, none of us are clear on that,” Mac said. He puffed out his chest with pride. “Well, I mean, yeah, of course you know all about me! I’m Charlie’s best friend! And I’m here to call you out on being an asshole to him!” 

Right. He was about to get lectured on how he had so wronged the man who had literally broken into his house on multiple occasions and who he had stopped speaking to as a result. “I would love to hear how you came to that conclusion.” 

Mac turned the chair across the desk from Burn’s around so he could straddle it backwards. “Charlie is just not a happy dude, you know? I mean, he’s not miserable, you know. Not all the time. But the guy spends like a worrying amount of time high. Like if he ever went a week without using – hell, even three days without using – I’d start paying more attention to the end of days.” 

Burn did his level best not to flinch but he wasn’t sure how successful he was. Did he know that Charlie drank too much and used inhalants regularly? Of course he did. In theory. It had come up during the experiment and he had seen Charlie drink since then but never seen him drunk. Had he seen him high? He didn’t think so but he couldn’t be sure. He was hardly an expert on these kinds of things. 

This was too vague. 

“What do you mean ‘a worrying amount of time high’?” Burn asked. 

Was this his problem? He didn’t know. But he still held his breath as he waited for the answer. 

Mac rolled his eyes at him. “Oh my God, dude, what are you, a narc? Don’t worry about it.” 

“You just said that he gets high a worrying amount. You just said that. You defined those terms. And now I’m asking to know what those are,” Burn said, his voice coming out surprisingly fierce. 

Mac let out a breath. “Look, I didn’t come here to cause problems.” 

Burn stared incredulously at him. “You burst into my office unannounced outside of my normal office hours and said, and I quote, ‘what the actual fuck, Science Bitch?’” 

Mac rolled his eyes. “Are you seriously going to just repeat everything I say back to me? Because this is going to be a long fucking conversation if you are.” 

It was already feeling like a long conversation even though intellectually Burn knew that Mac hadn’t been here for very long. Time was, as they said, all quite relative. “I am when you say things and then refuse to elaborate or pretend you did not say them mere minutes later.” 

Another eye roll. “And anyway, you let Charlie in here whenever he wants.” 

“Charlie’s presence is welcome here,” Burn snapped. He sagged. “Or, well, it was.” 

Mac snapped his fingers. “See, that’s exactly what-”

“No,” Burn interrupted. 

“No? You can’t just no me!” Mac exclaimed. “You don’t even know what I’m trying to say.”

“What I do know is that I find I don’t much care to hear what you have to say until you give me more information about Charlie’s drug usage.” 

“Why don’t you ask him about it?” 

“Because you brought it up and you’re sitting here and apparently you’re here to yell at me so the least you can do is give me some simple answers,” Burn said. Because he still wasn’t ready to face Charlie. Still didn’t know what to say. And wasn’t that an answer of sorts? But leaning which way? It was like he had made a decision but didn’t want to commit to it. If only he had any idea what that decision actually was. 

Mac glared at him. “Fine. Look, I’m not his keeper. I just know that his life growing up kind of really sucked, alright? Like we never talk about it levels of sucked. I don’t know how much you know but it’s pretty bad.” 

“I know some things,” Burn said. “How much I couldn’t say.” 

Mac nodded. “Then you get it. Well, Charlie’s mom tried but she’s not exactly what I’d call Mom of the Year, you know? At some point, Charlie got his hands on some glue and started sniffing it and here we are today. And, like, he’s doing fine. I’ve seen him stop when it’s like really important or, like, he thinks it’s important like if it has to do with the Waitress or passing that stupid health inspection. No idea why the guy is always freaking out about that, we always kill it. I wouldn’t care at all except I know a lot of the time it’s still about not being able to stand thinking about his own crappy life.” 

Despite itself, Burn’s heart clenched and his eyes softened. 

“Okay, look, now can I get on with this?” Mac asked impatiently. 

Well ideally Burn would like more information on this. It sounded like a rather unhealthy coping mechanism though he didn’t know nearly enough to know how big of a problem this was or if it was an addiction or how functional it was. And why hadn’t he seen the signs of use when he was with Charlie? 

But he could tell that Mac had told him everything he was going to and he did have a point about how Burn really should get this information from Charlie. It was likely overstepping to continue interrogating his friend. 

And what did it matter if he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to see Charlie again? 

Well, of course he wanted to see him. But he wasn’t sure it would be a good idea. 

But did he really need an official relationship to care about someone? No, of course not, but what was the protocol here for caring about someone who had betrayed his trust in such a manner? 

He rather doubted there were answers to be found but he had a feeling that if there were they would fall on the side of ‘stay away from him.’ 

“You were telling me that Charlie isn’t happy,” Burn said quietly. 

Mac nodded. “Right! Well, he isn’t. I can’t even blame him, you know? Like I’ve seen him be happy before and we all have fun but it’s like happiness in the moment, you know? Not like happiness happiness. You get me?” 

“I think so.” 

“And then you come along. And it was something stupid at first because of course it was. Charlie decides he’s finally going to go how to read because he’s got to go get those cats and spiders to talk to each other like they’d even have anything to say! Stupidest thing. I told him that, too, but he just stormed off and I guess he found you and talked you into helping him somehow because the next thing I know he’s telling us he’s got dyslexia and calling us ableist and actually reading kid’s books and signs and shit.” 

“Why are you giving me a summary of my tutoring sessions with Charlie?” Burn asked. 

“I’m getting there! I’m getting there! So, like, it’s weird, right? And even Charlie’s not enough of an idiot to think that huffing glue is going to do him any favors when it comes to this reading thing, right?”

“Mr. MacDonald,” Burn said frostily, “please refrain from calling Charlie an idiot in my presence.” 

Mac looked confused. “But-” He broke off, looked consideringly at Burn, then shrugged flippantly. “Have it your way. So Charlie starts to make sure not to huff anything on Mondays until he gets back from seeing you. And he’s got to practice in between sessions so he can live up to your expectations of his progress. And sometimes he didn’t even huff anything until it was time for him to go to bed and he needed to sleep after seeing you. Then one day I come in and he’s, like, all clean and shit and I ask what the occasion is and he just said that you told him that people might not call him all dirty and ugly if he took a goddamn shower. Like I have been trying to get him to do that pretty much his entire life. Then you two start your little gay thing together and he is actually honest to God happy. Like the Waitress called him a wretched little troll baby and he barely flinched. Like, last time that one made him burst into tears. It was…it was really weird, man.” 

Burn had frozen at some point during the speech. “Good weird?” 

Mac looked away. “I mean, yeah, I guess.” 

“Why are you here, Mr. MacDonald?” 

“Seriously, dude, it’s Mac,” Mac said. 

“Why are you here, Mac?” 

“Because I know you saw us in that Starbucks the other day,” Mac said. “He saw you before you even came in and he just kept staring at you and just forgot about anything else going on. And it took you a minute but when you saw him you did the same thing. Because it’s been a goddamn month since you took his heart and cut it into a million pieces and stomped on it with your boots then set it on fire and ran the remains through the shredder.” 

“That’s a very…evocative, image,” Burn said delicately. 

“Well it’s true.” 

“What do you know about what happened?” 

“Oh, I don’t know, Charlie refused to talk about it,” Mac said, waving a hand dismissively. “But this is obviously all your fault. If what happened at Starbucks wasn’t enough, he comes home and leaves the room whenever anyone mentions you and he’s showered like twice since then. You had him showering every other day!” 

“I didn’t ‘have him’ doing anything, Mac,” Burn argued. “He merely asked me why I thought people might give him negative feedback about his appearance and I suggested hygiene might be related.” 

Mac snorted. “Yeah, no shit it’s ‘related’. But we’ve all been telling him that for years and he didn’t give a damn.” 

“Perhaps it was because yours was an unsolicited opinion and he really wanted to know what I thought about it,” Burn suggested. “But it is not my fault that in the wake of our…falling out, Charlie has stopped taking care of himself as well.” 

“Then whose fault is it, Burn?” Mac challenged. “He’s miserable. He never wants to do anything and when he does he goes way overboard on that whole wildcard thing. He’s a mess. You broke him, well I say you fix him!” 

“I found him in my apartment,” Burn found himself saying before he really thought about it. Was it too much to tell Charlie’s friend what terrible thing Charlie had done? According to Charlie, they all shared the same sort of…tentative grasp on appropriate behavior. This was Charlie’s friend, not his, but he came to lambast Burn for his perfectly reasonable reaction to Charlie’s literal stalking behavior. And why did he need to keep quiet about a situation that he had essentially, as loath as he was to admit it, been a victim of. 

Mac frowned. “Yeah, so?” 

“In the middle of the night.” 

“Still not getting it.” 

“Without him having ever been told where I live or invited in.” 

Mac winced. “Ah.” 

“Is that really all you can say?” Burn demanded. “Ah?” 

“Well, I mean, it’s not unexpected, is it?” Mac asked, shrugging uncomfortably. 

“What do you mean it’s not unexpected? I had the fright of my life! He broke into my apartment and was touching my unconscious body and watching me sleep and stealing my clothes!” 

“Yeah, I know, it’s pretty weird,” Mac admitted. “Actually, yeah, you’re right. It’s pretty fucking creepy. We’ve been telling him that’s no way to win someone’s heart since we first realized he was stalking the Waitress like more than a decade ago but does he listen? He never listens.”

Burn’s eyes widened as his horror grew. “He’s been doing this for that long? To that poor woman?” 

“Okay, first of all that ‘poor woman’ is a bitch and a slut and probably the most boring woman alive. I’m not even sure Charlie knows her name and the rest of us sure don’t,” Mac said. 

“I am not interested in you attacking a woman, using clearly gendered insults by the way, to defend the appalling behavior of your friend,” Burn told him flatly. 

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Mac said. “She doesn’t matter. The point is, she’s not that great and he doesn’t even really like her. We all know that. He’s just got it in his head that she’s the person he’s in love with and she’s the one he’s going to marry and have kids with and honestly I think of the five of us he’s actually the least likely person to make that happen with her and that is so sad on so many levels.” 

“Setting aside that woman then,” Burn said slowly, “what is your point?” 

“Charlie’s a weird dude. You know that. You have to know that. You two have spent so much time together and gone to do all these things!” 

“I understand that Charlie is eccentric, yes, and I do like that about him but that is not a free pass for stalking!” 

“That’s just who Charlie is!” Mac shouted. 

“No,” Burn said, shaking his head. “I refuse to accept that. Maybe it’s a huge and long-standing part of his behavior but it’s not a core part of who he is. There is no excuse for that and he needs to stop.” 

“I mean, if you let him into your place to do all his weird little things he wouldn’t have to stalk you,” Mac told him in what he seemed to think was a reasonable voice. There was nothing reasonable about what he was saying so it didn’t quite have the desired effect. “I mean, honestly he’d probably miss it but I’m sure you could talk him around.” 

Burn stared at him aghast. 

“What?” 

“Do you…do you really think that would fix the problem?” 

“Well, why not?” Mac asked rhetorically. “You want him to stop stalking you and he’d stop stalking you.” 

“Yes but being pressured into consensually allowing him to engage in stalking behavior – which seems quite like duress, honestly – doesn’t solve the issue and it’s not just me I’m concerned about. I don’t want him stalking anyone.” 

Mac snorted. “Yeah, well, good luck with that one, man. The US Justice System couldn’t get him to stop with that one.” 

“What are you doing here, Mac?” Burn asked again. He kept talking and Burn was not any nearer to understanding it. 

“Well, that’s just it,” Mac said. “You’re being a dumbass.” 

Burn stilled. “Excuse me?” 

“Oh, you’re a fancy doctor or whatever at your fancy private school that Dennis is so proud of having attended. I’m sure you’re a genius or something,” Mac said dismissively. “But you’re acting just like everybody else. You like Charlie for a hot minute then the second he does something too weird for you you’re out of there. He really thought you were different, you know?” 

Burn glared at him. “I’d hardly call reacting negatively and asking for space after discovering I was being stalked is the shallow reaction you are describing.” 

Mac made a skeptical noise. “But the point is…I can clearly see that, for whatever reason, this is your line in the sand. He’s got to stop stalking you if he wants any chance for you two to ever work this thing out.” 

“Yes!” 

“Well, say he does. Say he agrees to that. Will you really take him back?” Mac asked. “Or is that bridge already burnt? You really do owe him an answer, Burn. You can’t keep doing this to him. It’s been a month and he needs to know where he stands with you, good or bad. It’s cruel to keep him guessing like this.” 

Burn closed his eyes. “I don’t mean to be cruel.” 

“Yeah, and he doesn’t mean to be super creepy but sometimes that’s just what happens,” Mac said. 

Burn opened his eyes and looked straight at Mac. “You’re an unusual person, Mac, and not one I believe I would ever get along very well with but I can see that you are a good friend. I’m glad that Charlie has you.” 

Mac blinked at him. “Uh…thanks?” 

“You are absolutely right, of course,” Burn said. “The facts of the situation have not changed. They will not change. The longer I wait, the harder this will be and the more unfair I am being. He was in no position to be making demands but all he asked was that I tell him what I’ve decided soon. And I feel like soon has passed. I’m still not sure but I don’t know that I ever will be completely sure. So yes. Yes I will call him. Yes I will talk with him. Yes I’m going to give him my answer one way or another.” 

Mac stood up and turned the chair back around the proper way. “You’re a really weird dude. But in a way different way than Charlie is weird. I would get it if you broke up with Charlie over this, you know. Maureen was way less creepy when Dennis dumped her though, given what happened afterwards, he really dodged a bullet there. Charlie tries stalking me and we’re going to have a goddamn problem but I know he never would. You do what you have to but if you make him cry I’m going to come back here and I’m going to karate chop your head.” 

“I’ll do my best.” 

Mac stuck two fingers out and pointed to his eyes with them before back to Burn. 

With that he left and Burn pulled out his phone. 

He looked at Charlie’s picture in his contacts and tried to find the strength to press call.


	15. Chapter 15

Burn had only spoken to Charlie on the phone long enough to set up this meeting in person. 

He had prided himself on how steady his voice had been, how he had only needed to remind himself to breathe once. He hadn’t been prepared, despite what he’d thought, to hear Charlie’s voice after a solid month. 

For his part, Charlie had seemed nervous and like he couldn’t believe this was really happening. 

But it was. And now they were here. 

They had agreed to meet outdoors, in a secluded area of a local park. Neutral ground and with no unwanted audience to control their (well, Burn’s, if he was being perfectly honest) reactions. 

Burn arrived first a full twenty minutes before he needed to be there. It was silly, he knew, but he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about this and he had been so worried about being late that he had overcorrected and now he had the opposite problem. But what was he supposed to do, hide in his car like a child? 

He closed his eyes as he sat on the park bench, trying to focus on the sounds of nature, the floral smell mixed faintly with the small of fried food, the feel of the sun on his skin and the breeze ruffling his hair. He was never the best at mindfulness but he hoped it could help him now to not turn into a jittery wreck. 

He eventually heard footsteps approaching and opened his eyes to see Charlie standing in front of him holding up a pretzel as a peace offering. 

Something in Burn softened at the sight despite himself and he forced himself to look away before he did something stupid like smile at him. He cleared his throat and accepted the pretzel. “Thank you, Charlie.” 

Charlie bit his lip. “No problem, man.” He gestured to the bench. “Do you mind if I…?” 

“What? No, of course not,” Burn said, scooting over. He tore of a bite of the pretzel and popped it into his mouth. It was better than he would have expected. 

Charlie sat down almost a foot away from Burn. “So, uh, it’s been awhile.” 

“It has,” Burn agreed. “Unless you count last week but we didn’t speak then.” 

Charlie looked better than he had then. He had clearly taken a shower and looked about as clean as he usually did. He wore his green jacket which Burn knew he always wore when he was feeling out of his element. 

Burn clutched the pretzel with one hand and placed the other firmly in his lap to avoid reaching out for him. 

The two of them sat there in silence. There was so much Burn wanted to say but he had no idea how to begin. 

Finally, Charlie broke the silence. “It took longer than I thought it would but I take it you finally came to a decision? Abou-about us?” 

Burn felt the faintest stirrings of guilt. Charlie had messed up and badly but that didn’t mean he deserved to be kept in limbo for so long. “I’m sorry, Charlie. I really didn’t intend to keep you waiting for so long.” 

Charlie shrugged. “It’s okay. I figured every day I didn’t hear from you was a day you hadn’t broken up with me. And that even if you did, it wasn’t an easy decision.”

Burn took another bite of the pretzel to buy himself a moment to figure out how to respond. “Of course it wouldn’t be easy. I meant it when I told you I loved you.” 

Charlie’s laugh sounded painful. “I know. And so did I. And then I fucked it up.” 

It was on the tip of his tongue to assure Charlie that he hadn’t but, really, it was true and it wouldn’t be a kindness to pretend otherwise now. 

He was strangely glad Charlie hadn’t said the words. He didn’t know how he’d react if Charlie had. 

“But still. You asked me for a decision soon and it’s been an entire month.” 

Charlie shrugged. “Well, soon is relative, right? One month is sooner than two months.” 

“I suppose that’s true,” Burn said. “You know, your friend Mac came to see me yesterday.” 

Charlie started. “What? He did? Oh, fuck, I’m sorry.” 

Burn tilted his head curiously. “Why are you apologizing? You don’t know what happened. And even if it were something bad, you weren’t there and I know you wouldn’t have asked him to do something to me.” 

“You do?” It was a little heartbreaking how uncertain Charlie’s voice sounded. 

“I do,” Burn said firmly. 

Charlie’s lips twitched into what couldn’t quite be called a smile. “Well, I know he’s been pretty pissed at you. He’s, uh, noticed I’ve been upset? And not really myself. And ever since Starbucks he’s been complaining about you and I told him I didn’t want to hear it so I shouldn’t be surprised he did something like this. And while you’re right I don’t know what happened, knowing him it wasn’t anything good.” 

“Well, he was certainly hostile,” Burn allowed. “But he was just worried about you. He was upset with me because I upset you. He didn’t have any details but he was looking out for you.” 

“Mac can always be counted on to do that,” Charlie said fondly. “Well, at least when we’re not fighting. I’m the one that fucked up, though. You only upset me by being upset that I upset you.” 

“True,” Burn said. “But I just wanted to let you know that he did that. I can’t say it was a pleasant conversation but I did find it touching that he would do that for you.” 

“Is that why you called yesterday?” 

“It is,” Burn admitted. “I kept waiting to be completely sure and Mac’s visit made me realize that I was never going to be absolutely certain and that in the meantime I was putting you through hell.” 

Charlie looked down. “I wouldn’t call it hell, per se.” 

“Charlie, before I say anything…well, I’ve made my decision conditionally,” Burn said. 

Charlie frowned in confusion. 

Burn wouldn’t make him ask. “I have a decision but it depends on the answers to a few questions.” 

It almost hurt watching the fragile hope dawn in Charlie’s eyes. A conditional decision meant that the answer to ‘were they breaking up’ could be no. How was it that one month later, a month that Burn had truly not intended to leave Charlie hanging for, he could still be so eager to remain in a relationship? Well, Burn couldn’t say he didn’t understand at least a little. 

“That night you told me that what you did was wrong because our relationship at the time meant that you might not have had to sneak around doing those things and instead could have asked me and gotten permission,” Burn said. “And because I had been upset by what you did.”

“Yeah, I did,” Charlie said softly. 

“Do you have any idea why, outside of those two things, I was so horrified?” Burn asked. He hesitated before pressing on. “So-so heartbroken?” 

Charlie flinched. “Well, I have an idea. I don’t know if it’s the right one. You never did explain so I could be totally off track but I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I even went to Dee’s therapist, Dr. Jennifer Brooks, after her session and I was there for like six hours and she cancelled all her other clients that day and ordered lunch and dinner in.” 

“Jennifer? I know her,” Burn said, surprised. 

“Do you?” Charlie asked, raising his eyebrows. “I guess maybe that makes sense with you both being psychologists and all. I hope she’s a good one. I mean, I thought she was but what do I know about psychologists, really? I’d met her before when we were all trying to figure out about the dishes and she seemed super nice and smart and all so I thought she could help here. And she was a psychologist, too, so she could probably figure out how you think better than I could.” 

“Jennifer is actually a friend of mine,” Burn explained. “She spent a semester studying at my University. Told me all sorts of horror stories about the cost of American Universities. I didn’t believe her at the time but she has since been proven right and the problem is even worse now than it was then. Did you use my name when you spoke with her?” 

“No,” Charlie said. “I figured you wouldn’t want people to know I stalked you.” 

“Well, that is true,” Burn admitted. “But I never asked you to hide our relationship. Despite what happened, I’m not ashamed of you, Charlie.” 

“Oh.” Charlie was quiet for a moment. “Well I just said my boyfriend. Since, well, you said it first.” 

Burn sighed deeply. “Yeah. I did.” 

Charlie cleared his throat. “Anyway! What happened there! I told her the whole story, you know, about what happened that night and why I hadn’t realized I should have done something different with you than with the Waitress. Then she had to get some background on that because it really is a long story. We talked for a long time and she said she wanted to keep meeting with me and she’d use a ‘sliding scale’ which I guess means I don’t have to pay all that much and honestly Frank would probably foot the bill if I asked at the right time. It’s always a matter of timing with Frank. But, uh, what do you think? Should I go for it?” 

“I can’t make that decision for you, Charlie.” 

Charlie made a face. “Come on! I know you can’t but you must have an opinion.” 

“Must I?” Burn asked rhetorically. “I’ll tell you this. I wouldn’t be in this profession if I did not believe that therapy really helped people. I don’t think therapy is ever a bad thing as long as the therapist is competent and they and the client have a strong rapport. Therapy is often hard work and painful but if you have the motivation it can really do wonders. But it’s not a miracle cure and it can take a long time. Sometimes you don’t even recognize the progress you’ve made because it’s so slow day by day until you look back at who you were a year ago and who you are now. So should you go back? Well that depends. Do you want to solve some sort of problem or resolve some other issue you have? Do you like and trust Dr. Brooks? Are you willing to work hard for months if not years and do whatever assignment she gives you between sessions? Maybe think about that before making your decision. That’s the best advice I can give you.” 

Charlie nodded slowly, a thoughtful look in his eye. “She did make me realize some things I hadn’t realized before.” 

“Like what?” 

“Well she asked me to tell her what I thought about stalkers. And so I was, like, telling her about bad stalkers, right? And she asked what the difference was between bad stalkers and what I was doing was and so I was like ‘well obviously bad stalkers are out to hurt people and I’m not.’ And she asked how I know that that was what they were thinking. We did this thing where we came up with five things they could have been thinking instead of that they were bad and hurting people. Things like they were protecting her or that she didn’t know so it didn’t hurt her or that she hadn’t called the police so she must be okay with it or she liked them because she smiled at them once or they just loved her so much it couldn’t be wrong. And I didn’t like that because it was obviously wrong and some of it sounded a little too familiar, you know? And she wanted to talk about me saying I wasn’t hurting anyone. She asked who got to decide that, me or the people who were being hurt? Like if someone walked up to me and punched me in the fact did they get to say it didn’t hurt or was that something only I could say? And, like, I didn’t punch anyone in the face but that made sense.” 

Charlie looked over at Burn to see his reaction and Burn tried to keep his face as impassive as possible. 

Charlie took a deep breath and continued. “And we talked about how just because you didn’t mean to hurt someone doesn’t mean they didn’t get hurt. Mac didn’t mean to punch Dee in the face that one time but it still happened. And when I was destroying that one sex tape of the Waitress and Mac saw and thought I was destroying his Project Badass tape, he was really hurt about that even though I didn’t and would never though even if I had his reaction was still totally not okay. So after we got to the part where other people can be upset by things that you don’t find upsetting and that weren’t meant to upset them, she was trying to help me figure out why exactly you guys found it so upsetting all the little things I was doing to show my devotion. She tried to have me imagine that I was being followed around by someone who did that kind of stuff but that didn’t really work because, like, clearly I didn’t think that stuff was bad and why would someone loving you so much be a bad thing?” 

Burn’s lips thinned but he still said nothing. 

“So then she went over to her computer and pulled up this stalking survivor website and she started reading all these stories about these people who had been stalked and how hurt they had been and scared and how they never did love the person back and lots of times hated them. How sometimes the stalking got like really bad and they were physically hurt. How lots of times even after it stopped they still didn’t feel safe and had a hard time trusting people. How the reason it was a stalking survivor site was being lots of people were killed by the person who stalked them. And like…I would never, you have to know I would never!” Charlie insisted, his eyes wild. “But I also remember that one time I was at the Jersey Shore and the Waitress just happened to be there and she was on Ecstasy and she didn’t mind hanging out with me. We had such a nice time and it was like I always imagined it would be and she fell asleep lying next to me and the next morning she woke up and her first thought was that I raped her. She believed me right away when I swore I didn’t but that she even thought that…Well, I didn’t want to hear what Dr. Brooks was saying. I went into the crevice of her couch for like an hour. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it. A lot of what I heard sounded like the Waitress, you know? Even if I couldn’t recognize me in the stalkers. But maybe I didn’t have to. Maybe she did and if she told the story I’d be like them. And that brought me back to you.” 

“To me?” Burn asked, keeping his voice as steady as possible. 

“Yeah, to you,” Charlie said, voice soft. “Is that how you see me, Doc? Like the women in those stories? Like-like the Waitress?” 

Burn didn’t hesitate. “No.” 

A complicated mix of emotions played out over Charlie’s face. 

“I don’t understand,” he said at last. “You were so upset.” 

“I was never afraid of you,” Burn told him. “I don’t think I ever could be though I dare say I trust you won’t try to prove me wrong.”

Charlie shook his head quickly. “Of course not!” 

“I never hated you, either. It was just…I think of stalkers I think of the stories it sounds like you heard. That and serial killers and the villains in horror movies,” Burn said. “And my idea of you…well it didn’t mesh with any of that. It didn’t seem to me that that was who you were and yet it clearly was. No matter what you meant, you can’t just invade someone’s space and violate their boundaries like that. It’s not right. And if this is how you felt when we were happy what might happen if one day we weren’t? Maybe you would continue to follow me. Maybe you would just go away. Or maybe things might take a darker turn.” 

“I wouldn’t,” Charlie said but he didn’t sound completely certain of that. 

“I hope that’s true but it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t stand dealing with that,” Burn said. 

“Why didn’t you break up with me then?” 

“Because I love you,” Burn said simply. 

Charlie looked pained. “Doc, you can’t…you can’t do stupid shit like that. If I’ve learned one thing it’s that being in love doesn’t mean bad things can’t happen to you.” 

“I know,” Burn said, nodding. “I didn’t think you would hurt me but I knew I could be wrong and I knew it was really beside the point. I love you, Charlie, and that hasn’t changed but I couldn’t be with you if you were going to engage in stalking behavior with me. In fact, I couldn’t if you were going to engage in stalking behavior at all. You’re an adult and you can do what you want, federal and state laws and restraining orders be damned, but this is my boundary. I need to be with someone who won’t do it and who understands why.”

“I didn’t before,” Charlie admitted. “But it’s been a hell of a month.” 

“So you won’t stalk me? Or that woman?” Burn pressed. 

“I won’t,” Charlie swore. 

“I’ll have to take that on faith, you know,” Burn mused. “It’s only chance I happened to wake up that night. I might never have known you had been there and you came more than that. And I doubt I would ever happen by that woman’s place while you’re there.” 

“Yeah, I probably could get away with doing it anyway,” Charlie agreed. “I know it’s a lot to ask, after everything, but there’s no better way. Are you willing to trust me when I say I won’t?” 

“Even if there was, if I had to monitor you to make sure you didn’t I wouldn’t know for sure if that was why you weren’t and a relationship can’t last when built on such shaky foundation as one partner feeling the need to constantly watch the other in case they do something wrong,” Burn said. “So yes, Charlie, I am willing to trust you.” 

Burn had forgotten, over the last few weeks, what if felt like to have the full weight of Charlie’s smile focused on him and he couldn’t have helped the answering smile if he had tried. 

He didn’t know how long the two of them sat there, beaming at each other, before Charlie took a deep breath. “I can’t promise I’m never going to mess up again. Not in this way and hopefully not this bad but it’ll happen.” 

“I know,” Burn said. “It’s human. I’ll mess up to and one day you’ll be the one to decide if this is worth saving or not.” 

“It will be,” Charlie said with such faith that it humbled Burn. 

“You can’t know that. You can’t know what the future holds.” 

“I know enough. I know it will be because I love you and you love me and you’re a good person and so that’s enough.” 

“And what about you?” Burn asked. “Aren’t you a good person?” 

Charlie laughed incredulously. “Think about the last month, Doc.” 

“That’s something you learned from,” Burn said stubbornly. 

“Maybe,” Charlie said. “But no, I’m really not.” 

“I don’t know about that but it doesn’t really matter what I think here. You don’t think you’re a good person. Well fine. You could be.” 

“It’s not that easy, Doc.” 

“Of course not. That’s the point,” Burn said. “Just something to keep in mind.” 

Charlie made a noncommittal noise. “So…is that it? Are we back together now?” 

“Ah, not quite,” Burn said. “And we didn’t quite break up.” 

Charlie braced himself. “What else is there?” 

Burn pursed his lips, wondering how to best say it. 

“Oh, come on, Doc. Just tell me. It doesn’t matter how you phrase it.” 

“There is something to be said about the delivery of a message,” Burn disagreed. “But very well. Mac told me that you were misusing quite a bit of inhalants while I was gone. That you do so a lot but it was really bad this past month and it was upsetting to him.”

Charlie’s shoulders tensed and a defensive look began to come over his face. “He did, did he?” 

“Charlie, I must once again reiterate that it is not my place to make your choices for you. I wouldn’t say we’re yet at the point where big choices become joint choices. I can tell you I’m not happy that you use inhalants and acknowledge that it’s not going to stop you and that that’s something I can live with.” 

Charlie looked surprised. “Then why bring it up?” 

“Well because I do want to put it on the table now that should our relationship become serious enough this will be something we need to talk about and I’ll have to know more about,” Burn said. “I’m sure you’ll have things to bring up with me as well. But for right now, I need to know that you won’t come see me when you’re high on inhalants. That’s something that’s important to me.” 

“I’ve never come see you when I’ve been on them,” Charlie said fiercely. “When I’m with you I don’t want to forget or make myself numb or go away.” 

“I thought you hadn’t,” Burn said. “But I want to make sure you know where I stand. And I hope that’s a condition you can live with and not where you draw the line but either way I believe it’s best to be up front about these things.” 

“I can do that,” Charlie said. He hesitated. “As far as conditions go, you’ve given me two now. And, like, they’re totally fair. They were already what I was planning on doing so it doesn’t even matter. But do I get to give you one?” 

“Of course,” Burn said. “Though just as you had to agree to what I said, I’ll have to agree to what you said. If you wanted something I was unable or unwilling to give, you would have to decide if you could accept a compromise or just a flat-out rejection of your condition or if that was a deal-breaker for you. And if it turns out to be a deal-breaker for you I have to decide if getting my way is important enough to allow this to end. And maybe it is something that we can’t compromise on, such as one of us wanting kids and the other not. Though obviously that is not something I’d expect to come up anytime soon. But maybe it is something we can come to an agreement about or that one of us clearly cares more about than the other. I won’t know until you tell me and, frankly, I’m rather relieved you have one as well and it’s not just me with a list of demands.” 

“I mean, it’s two things. That’s hardly a list.” 

“It’s a short list. I think two is the least number of things that can qualify as a list,” Burn said. “And the feeling remains.” 

“Don’t disappear for a month on me again, okay?” Charlie burst out, looking terribly earnest. “No matter how badly I fuck up or how much you need space. That’s a really long time and I had nothing from you. If you have to end it or-or whatever, just please don’t disappear like that again.” 

Burn swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat and took Charlie’s hand. “I won’t.” 

Charlie’s grin at that was so brilliant it was almost blinding. “Do you maybe want to go for a walk or something?” 

Burn stood and pulled Charlie to his feet. He didn’t let go of his hand. “I would love to.”


	16. Chapter 16

Charlie knocked on his office door at exactly two o’clock on Monday and a part of Burn couldn’t help but wonder if that was a coincidence or if Charlie had gotten there early and, much like Burn himself would have done in his place, waited around until it was the exact right moment. 

Burn opened the door with a smile. “Charlie. Welcome.” 

Charlie immediately smiled back, the tension draining out of his shoulders. “Sorry, I just didn’t want to…you know, presume.” 

Burn stood aside to let Charlie walk into the office. “It’s nice of you to think about my feelings, Charlie, but I did invite you back here. We have an appointment and everything.” 

“Yeah,” Charlie agreed. “But still, I didn’t just want to barge in, you know? I didn’t want it to be like…” 

“It’s not,” Burn said immediately. “Honestly, Charlie, as long as I’m in here and I’m not with a student or discussing something professional with a colleague you’re welcome here. I…don’t think I’d get all that much done if you were there that entire time, of course, and you surely have better ways to spend your days but it’s not the same at all. I know you’re here and I enjoy your presence.” 

Charlie’s smile was almost bashful and he quickly ducked his head. “You mean that?” 

Burn met his gaze straight on. “Always.” 

Charlie’s smile only grew and he took his usual seat across the desk from Burn. 

He couldn’t help wishing Charlie was sitting more within reaching distance but, really, it was for the best he wasn’t. They were here to assess Charlie’s reading progress in their month apart and continue working on that, not to engage in romantic indulgences. Ethically it really didn’t matter because he knew Charlie would jump at the opportunity but how in the world would they be able to refocus after such a distraction? No, best to keep that temptation at bay. 

“I missed this place,” Charlie mused, looking around. “I mean, Imani was really nice and all and she had a cool office, too, but it wasn’t…well it just wasn’t the same, you know?” 

Privately, Burn thought Imani’s office was a lot more interesting than his own. Her sister was an interior decorator and Imani knew enough of the basics to easily have the best office in the department. But he appreciated what Charlie meant just the same. 

“I know what you mean,” Burn said. “I missed you in this office.” 

Charlie swallowed hard. “Doc…”

“That reminds me…I notice you’re willing to call her by her first name.”

“Well her name is a lot less weird,” Charlie said bluntly. “Are you sure your parents weren’t hippies?” 

The admittedly unusual names of his siblings flashed through his head. “I really couldn’t say.” 

Charlie rolled his eyes playfully. “Imani was a really good teacher, you know. I think I learned a lot. But I’m really glad you’re back.” 

“I think your opinion might be a little biased there,” Burn said gently. 

Charlie laughed lightly. “Well, yeah, I mean, I’m your-your boyfriend. Aren’t I supposed to be biased? It’s expected I’d like you better but it’d say all kinds of bad things if I didn’t.” 

Burn nodded, conceding the point. 

Charlie looked down and bit his lip. 

“I’m sorry,” Burn said automatically. 

Charlie’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re sorry? What on Earth do you have to be sorry about? All of this was on me, dude.” 

“I’m not apologizing for what you did,” Burn said. “I didn’t, I don’t know, provoke you into that. But I’m sorry that the first time I called you my boyfriend was when I was furious at you and potentially ending our relationship.” 

“I…won’t lie,” Charlie said carefully. “That was rough. I…this is kind of embarrassing but no one’s ever called me their boyfriend before?” 

Burn jerked in surprise. “Never?” 

“I mean, that’s not to say I’d never been on a date before!” Charlie said quickly, defensively. “I’ve totally been on multiple dates with the same person before! It’s just we never really…you know…” 

“In that case I’m even sorrier to have tossed it out so carelessly in such a situation. That’s not normally how I have this conversation.” 

Charlie shrugged noncommittally, still not looking at him. “It could be worse. It kind of comforted me that you saw us that way. As boyfriends. Even if I had just ruined more than I thought I had.” 

Charlie’s hand was resting on the desk. Burn leaned over and covered it with his own for a long moment before leaning back in his chair. 

“Not ruined,” he said. “Just fractured. And it’s mending.” 

Charlie smiled gratefully and rubbed the hand Burn had touched with his other hand as though he could feel the loss of warmth. “So, uh, how would you normally have that conversation?” 

It took Burn a moment to realize what Charlie was talking about. “Oh, the boyfriend conversation? I don’t know off the top of my head. It would depend on the man and our relationship. Maybe something like…” He trailed off, clearing his throat. “I’ve come to care a great deal for you and I would like for there to be no misunderstandings between us.” 

Charlie was watching him with a wistful expression on his face and his eyes were shining. 

Burn gave a small smile. “Charlie.” 

Charlie started. “Uh, yeah, sorry, what?” 

“I’ve come to care for you a great deal over the last few months and I’ve recently had to face the prospect of a life without you. I find I do not care for it at all. I am not interested in pursuing any sort of relationship with anyone else at this juncture. I hope you feel the same way but I want to make it clear that I have no presumption of such and I do not mean to exert any sort of pressure on you to reciprocate. I just thought it would disingenuous not to tell you how I feel. I would like very much to be your boyfriend, Charlie, and I’m willing to wait if you need time to consider.” 

Charlie looked like he was on the verge of tears but Burn barely had the time to feel the faint flicker of alarm before Charlie shot to his feet. 

Burn stood up as well, unsure of what Charlie was doing. 

Charlie moved fluidly to the other side of the desk and threw his arms around Burn in a crushing hug. 

Burn didn’t have to think as he immediately wrapped his arms around Charlie as well, breathing in his scent and feeling almost like he was coming home. 

“Yes, yes, oh my God, yes, thank you!” Charlie exclaimed, his voice a little muffled against Burn’s shirt. 

“No need to thank me as if I’m doing you some kind of favor,” Burn said gently, moving his hand to stroke Charlie’s back. “I want this as much as you do.” 

Charlie laughed. “I don’t think that’s possible.” 

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Burn said. “Maybe I can’t see how you could possibly want it as much as me.” 

Charlie pulled back and from the look on his face the idea surprised him. “We’re boyfriends.” 

“We’re boyfriends,” Burn agreed, beaming. 

“You are going to make it just impossible to focus on reading today, aren’t you?” 

“Well, maybe a little more difficult,” Burn said. “But I have faith in us.” He squeezed Charlie’s hand then returned to his seat. 

Charlie took his own seat again as well. 

“Now, I have all of Imani’s notes and according to her you continued to make good progress,” Burn said. “I know this wasn’t a good time for you so I’m even more impressed at your perseverance.” 

Charlie snorted at the understatement. 

“It’s clear you continued to work hard. Honestly, I suspect Imani is better at this whole tutoring business than I am,” Burn mused. 

“No one’s better at this than you are!” Charlie said, looking outraged at the very thought. 

Burn couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, that is most assuredly not true. I’m not a professional tutor, Charlie. I just learned what I needed to to be able to assist you. And it’s alright that Imani is better at this sort of thing than me. She used to be a tutor in undergrad and grad school. I’m not putting myself down here.” 

Charlie narrowed his eyes suspiciously but let it lie. “So I, uh, finished reading Goosebumps.” 

“Finished reading which Goosebumps?” Burn asked. 

Charlie swallowed his lips. “Uh…all of them.” 

Burn stared. “All of them.” 

“Right, so, like, I got a library card at some point? And I was checking a bunch out and the librarian helped me because like I had no idea what I was doing and they didn’t have a bunch of them but they borrowed them from other libraries and then called me and let me know,” Charlie explained. 

“I just…what do you mean by all of them?” Burn asked. “I should congratulate you on getting a library card, that is absolutely an invaluable tool to use when you want to read a lot of different books without wanting to spend a great deal of money buying everything that catches your fancy. I have access to the university’s library, of course, but it’s fiction section leaves much to be desired so I have a library membership as well.” 

Charlie looked shyly pleased. “No one even suggested I do that, you know, it was all my idea. I was thinking I didn’t want to have to be held back by when we were meeting or try and figure out how many I needed at a time and I figured libraries have like all sorts of books so they might have these and then the lady said I could take them home with me if I just proved I lived in the area and like of course I have an ID so there you go! Charlie Kelly, proud owner of a library card. Who would have thought we’d see the day?” 

“Well I hadn’t thought of it one way or the other or I would have recommended it to you earlier,” Burn admitted. “I’m kind of kicking myself for not thinking of it, actually. But I do not think it is so very strange.” 

Charlie smiled fondly and smoothed some of his hair back. “Of course you don’t.”

“You know, sometimes I feel like you find my opinions very strange indeed,” Burn noted. 

“That’s because I do,” Charlie said easily. “You view things so…positively, you know? Like how can one person be so charitable when the world kind of sucks sometimes?” 

“Well I know it has its bad points,” Burn said, “not as well as you do, perhaps, as I know I’ve been very fortunate in my life. But I just believe that people are always trying their best at any given moment, even if that best may not always seem like it is the best they can do or may not be what we want it to be. And I can decide whether I want them in my life or not but aside from that, with few exceptions such as when they hurt others, it is not really my place to judge. And I don’t want to do harm in this world. And of course I do anyway because I’m only human and not perfect and living up to your ideals is hard. But those are just my guiding principles, whether or not you think they’re very pragmatic.” 

“They’re not,” Charlie said. “They’re really not. Sometimes I wonder how you’re not eaten alive with that kind of attitude. But you make out alright.” 

Burn laughed. “That’s one way to put it. And I don’t mind you don’t agree. We have, as I said, lived very different lives. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll come around to your way of thinking.” 

“I hope you don’t,” Charlie said, his eyes burning. “I’d give a lot for that not to happen, actually. It may not always make sense to me how you manage to be like that, but I like it. It’s a nice change from what I’m used to, you know?” 

“You’re like that for me, too,” Burn said. 

“Yes,” Charlie said, nodding seriously. “I am such a beacon of hope and light in the world.” 

Burn laughed. “Oh, stop that, you know what I mean. And anyway, you’re not…not that to me.” 

Charlie laughed and rolled his eyes. “Oh my God, Doc, why are you like this? You’re ridiculous.” 

The two of them just sat there smiling at each other. 

Finally, Charlie started. “But, right, Goosebumps. So me and library lady looked this up, right? The original series had 62 books. Then there were six short story books. There were 50 Give Yourself Goosebumps books which were choose your own adventure books. Then there was Goosebumps Presents which I guess is kind of weird because the books were made into episodes on a show and then those episodes were made back into books and had like pictures from the episode. There were 18 of those. Then there was one Goosebumps Halloween book. There were autobiographies by the writer and the artist. Two three-in-one short story books like triple headers. There was a spin-off in 2000 that had 25 books. There were four comic book adaptations of some stories. Then there’s 25 HorrorLand books and I think more are supposed to come out at some point? I don’t know. Then there’s 15 Most Wanted books where popular monsters come back and attack people. And I read all of them.” 

Burn did some quick mental math. “Charlie, that’s 208 books.” 

“Is it?” Charlie asked. “There were a lot of them.”

“And you read them all.” 

“That I did.” 

“Charlie, I only introduced you to the book series maybe six or seven weeks ago. Definitely not more than two months ago,” Burn pointed out. “That’s anywhere from 26 to 35 books a week and I know you weren’t reading that quickly before…our falling out.” 

Charlie looked heartbreakingly earnest. “Yeah, I know. But you were gone and I missed you and I didn’t really want to do anything. But reading those books made me feel closer to you somehow. I know it’s stupid.” 

“It’s not stupid,” Burn told him firmly. “And not just because there’s no such thing. It’s not stupid because it makes perfect sense. You missed me but you were respecting my wishes to be left alone, which is always important but doubly so given the nature of the problem, so you did something that made you think of me. Far from being stupid I-I think it’s rather sweet.” 

Charlie smiled at him. “You do?” 

“I do.” 

“Well I did really like them. They were fun and goofy and had lots of cool monsters I could root for. Not that I was rooting for the kids to die or anything, they just weren’t half as cool,” Charlie explained. 

Burn laughed. “It’s alright if you did root for them to die, you know. They’re not real.” 

“Well. Maybe sometimes. A little.” 

“I can’t believe you’re done with them all,” Burn said, shaking his head. “We’ll have to think of something else for you to read now.” 

“I liked the stuff you recommended last time,” Charlie said. “I trust I’ll like the next thing. And if not then we’ll find something new.” 

Burn smiled. “That we will.” He thought for a moment. “I had been toying with the idea of this for a while but I had thought it would be longer before we would get there. But if you were able to make it through all those books so quickly your reading must have improved a lot.” 

“It did,” Charlie confirmed. “And Mac and I have had words about him trying to pass off the word cat as my name.” 

Burn didn’t even know what to make of that one. “The books are all from elementary to middle school reading level though they get longer and more complex as they go on. It’s definitely more difficult than Goosebumps and there’s no shame in needing to take a break from it and improve your reading more before coming back to it.” 

“Why do you always have so much build-up?” Charlie asked with a grin. “Just tell me already.” 

“What do you know about Harry Potter?” 

“It’s for nerds,” Charlie replied immediately. He stopped and a look of wonder came over his face. “You think I could read that? I could read a book for nerds. I’ve never done anything that could make me count as a nerd before.” 

“They’re actually quite popular around the world,” Burn said. “They broke all sorts of records and revived hope in children reading and the movies made a ridiculous amount of money. It’s inspired so many spin-offs and nowadays everyone sorts themselves and their favorite characters into the houses. The New York Times bestseller list had to put the Harry Potter books at the top for so long they got fed up and created the children’s book bestseller list for the books to dominate.” 

“I’m going to do nerd shit,” Charlie said again. “The gang is going to be such assholes about this but I think it’s awesome. I’m doing so well I’m reaching nerd territory!” 

Burn couldn’t help but smile at Charlie’s enthusiasm, even though he really thought he was overstating it. “Do you know anything else about the series?” 

“Uh…dragons?” Charlie asked hopefully. 

Burn laughed. “There are dragons. It’s about a boy, Harry Potter, who is an orphan and in an abusive home. One day when he turns eleven he finds out that he is a wizard and gets to go to wizard school and have grand adventures and save the world a few times.” 

“Cool,” Charlie said, nodding contentedly. “I guess the fact you weren’t expecting me to have gone through all the Goosebumps books yet means that you’re not ready to start reading-or you could already have the first book.” 

“I’m always prepared,” Burn said with a wry smile as he handed the book over to Charlie. “The first thing you need to know is that for the first book the American editors decided to needlessly change a bunch of things so I refuse to have anything to do with that. Surely people can use context clues to realize that ‘mum’ means ‘mom’.” 

Charlie grinned. “You sound so ridiculous saying mom.” 

“It’s only fair,” Burn said, unperturbed, “I am very British. But really, the most egregious change was when they changed the name!” 

Charlie glanced down. “Harry Potter and the…I’m going to say… Filo-so-fer’s Stone.” 

“Philosopher’s Stone.” 

“Philosopher’s Stone,” Charlie dutifully repeated. “What the fuck is a Philosopher’s Stone?” 

“See, that very reaction is why Scholastic changed it in the first place,” Burn said. “They didn’t think Americans would know what it was and would think the very word philosopher, which is someone who theorizes about humanity and existence and other abstract concept, was boring and not want to read this. So they changed it to…” He trailed off, making a face. 

“Do you need a minute, Doc?” Charlie asked, amused. 

“It’s just hard for me to say since it’s such rubbish,” Burn said. “Sorcerer’s Stone.” He shuddered. “Much like Hagrid, I shan’t say that twice. It’s a nice alliteration, I suppose, but the original title wasn’t just chosen at random.” 

“So what is it?” Charlie asked again. 

“A long time ago there was a pseudo-science called alchemy,” Burn exclaimed. “It was based on the idea you could transform one object into another. The usual target was metal into gold. They believed there was something called the philosopher’s stone that could grant the possessor eternal life. There is literally a philosopher’s stone being sought in this book. All the weight of that history and mythology and wiping it away does not sit well with me.” 

“No, I don’t suppose it would,” Charlie agreed. “You are a huge nerd.” 

Burn chuckled. “Sitting here in my office at my Ivy League school having just pulled a copy of Harry Potter out of my desk, I find I really can’t argue with you.” 

“That’s alright,” Charlie told him, grinning mischievously. “We nerds have to stick together!”


	17. Chapter 17

Office hours had just begun when there was a knock at his door so Burn could be forgiven for not thinking this had anything to do with his personal life. 

Due to it being office hours, his door was open so he glanced up and welcomed the pretty blonde woman into his office. She looked nervous but determined and also a little familiar. He racked his brain to try and place her and after a moment it came to him. 

“Ah, Nicole, right? I believe we met a few weeks ago,” Burn said, smiling politely at her. He vaguely wondered how she had found him but, then, he was a bit of a public figure given his position at the university and his name was rather unique. If she had had the motivation, it wouldn’t be that difficult to find him. Although what could have possibly motivated her to do so? 

Her eyes widened and she slumped into the chair opposite Burn’s desk. “See, this is why I know I’m doing the right thing coming here. You’re a really good guy and you don’t deserve this.” 

Burn blinked at her in confusion. “I…thank you for your kind words, Nicole, but I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I would like to think of myself as a good man, yes, but to the best of my knowledge we hardly know each other. I went to the place you worked a few weeks ago and we had a positive interaction but that doesn’t explain why you’re here or what you think I deserve better than.” 

“This may take some explaining,” Nicole said. “Sorry, I felt weird just coming here out of the blue but…this whole thing is weird and I felt it best to just be straightforward with you. Maybe you don’t want to hear it. Maybe you already know. But I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try, right?” 

“This…does sound like something that needs explaining,” Burn said finally. 

“As you said, my name is Nicole. I…have never been particularly memorable. I’ve always faded into the background and even people I’ve known for years and who I see all the time forget my name,” Nicole admitted. “Granted these are shitty people I know I really shouldn’t talk to but it is what it is. Even the guy who has been telling me how in love with me he is since I don’t even know when doesn’t seem to have my name down. You’d think that would be the literal minimum you can do when professing to be in love with someone, know their damn name. He seems to know everything else about me. And some days I do believe he does know literally everything else about me.” 

Burn felt a chill as it occurred to him that he might know exactly who this was and why she was here after all. The person she was describing, the awkward almost-encounter he had had at that Starbucks…

Burn cleared his throat. “This won’t make any sense unless the answer to this is yes but I don’t suppose you’re the woman Charlie refers to as ‘the waitress’, are you?” 

She smiled grimly. “That’s me, yeah. And it’s not just Charlie. I’m not even a waitress at the moment, you know? I’m a barista. And I want to open my own nail salon. I could be president and I’d still be ‘the waitress’ to them. Like there are other waitresses in the world!” 

“I am sorry for that,” Burn said gently. “Learning someone’s name is the most basic aspect of courtesy. It is forgivable to forget someone’s name when you first meet them but to have your name be forgotten by those you have close contact with is horrible. It indicates a lack of respect and value and to be referred to by your job title, and not even a current job title, just furthers that impression.” 

Nicole blinked rapidly and Burn realized to his surprise she was trying to blink away tears. “That…is exactly it. Thank you.” 

For what? Putting words to something she herself had described? 

“What has Charlie told you about me?” she asked. 

“Not much,” Burn replied. “I know Charlie has a much more optimistic view of your relationship than I would suspect you do given your multiple restraining orders against him. I know he has in the past professed his love for you and how he believes your refusal to have anything to do with him after all this time demonstrates your quality. We did have a talk about the implications of that one. We admittedly haven’t spoken about his feelings for you in light of our current romantic relationship. He did agree to stop stalking you a few days ago. I’m trusting that he will so do not take what I’m about to say as a sign of doubt but, given how horrifying stalking is, please inform me if you find that he has not kept his word on that front.” 

Nicole looked at him as though he had just performed a miracle. “You…asked him to stop stalking me? And he told you he would? Like he really meant it?” 

“Of course I did,” Burn said. “And yes, I do believe he meant it. But I’ve learned recently that I do not know everything there is to know about Charlie and even if he meant it then I would be naïve to assume there is no potential for him to not mean it later. I trust him but I would know if there are continued problems there.” 

“But…why?” she asked, frowning in confusion. 

“Because I found out what he was doing,” Burn said simply. “Because it was not right. Because I cannot control his actions nor would I want to but my own conscience will not let me stay with someone who does that.” 

“He started doing it to you, didn’t he?” Nicole asked knowingly. “You got him to stop. He must…he must really love you.” 

“Forgive me but I’m not looking to discuss the innermost details of my relationship with Charlie,” Burn said. “Nor am I sure why you would want to hear them given your multiple restraining orders against him.” 

“Those never did do me any good,” she noted. “But it felt better to have them than to not have them. I did get him arrested a few times, bought myself some peace. But he hasn’t been around much lately. I hadn’t even realized how much he hadn’t been until the last month or so when he started turning up again. But I haven’t noticed my things being moved around for weeks.” 

“I’m glad for that.” 

“I’m a stranger and you still looked out for me and I was just the girl who gave you coffee and days later you remember my name,” Nicole said. “I can’t claim you’re a saint or anything, I don’t know you nearly well enough for that, but that already puts you above most guys I know.” 

“If that’s true then I suggest you start associating with different kinds of guys,” Burn told her. 

Nicole laughed but it wasn’t happy. “Oh, don’t I know it. I keep telling myself I should. But I also know that Dennis could call me right now asking for sex and I’d be over there in a heartbeat. It’s kind of the worst, you know?” 

He didn’t but he wouldn’t say that to her. 

“You deserve better than Charlie Kelly,” Nicole said bluntly. 

He tampered down his initial reaction. 

“You are the only person in this world that I would allow to have this conversation with me,” he finally said. 

Nicole nodded. “That’s fair. You must like him an awful lot to be with him even knowing some of the stuff you must know about him by now. No one likes to have the people they care for attacked in front of them, even if the things being said are true. Maybe especially not then.” 

“But I understand why you would feel that way and I can see you really do mean it kindly,” Burn said. “I doubt very much you will change my mind but I believe you deserve the chance to say your piece.” 

Nicole nodded. “Thank you. I’m not…trying to sabotage Charlie’s happiness, you know. I’m really not. It would actually make my life better if he left me along and move on to someone else. But the idea of someone being in a relationship with Charlie really scares me.” 

Burn simply nodded. 

“It didn’t use to be this bad,” Nicole said. “I didn’t even notice it at first. He’d come in to the place I was working more and more and he’d never really say anything, just kind of loiter after he was done with what he’d ordered. He’d try to talk to me but just get so flustered. Eventually I clued in to the fact that he liked me but so what? I get hit on a lot at work.”

“I can’t say that surprises me,” Burn said. “There are people who mistake the friendliness and smiles that are a key part of the service industry, particularly when tips are involved, as genuine flirtation and interest. I find it unconscionable to pursue someone when they are not free to reject you or to leave if you overstep.” 

“I don’t mind casual flirtation,” Nicole said, “but damn do I wish more men felt like you do. Anyway, it escalated slowly. He asked me out a couple of times but I wasn’t interested. Then I noticed he was showing up at places I was at and, like, okay maybe it’s a coincidence. Sure does seem to be happening a lot but it’s not like I own the Trader Joe's. And I guess we seem to be going in the same direction a whole lot. Then he’s outright following me home and I accuse him of being a stalker and he’s insisting he’s protecting me. And I get a restraining order and he tells me he forgives me and never once followed it. He tells me he understands I’m testing him and he’ll prove his devotion by never, ever leaving. I’m pretty sure he put Cayenne pepper in my underwear once, you know that? He’ll shout from the street about his day and ask about mine. One time he sewed himself into my couch when I was having friends over? Yeah, none of them will come back to my apartment after that shit show. I kept finding love poems written in blood on my pillow and I’d just find him in my apartment sometimes trying to fix my things. He says he never wants to hurt me and I don’t even not believe that but it’s…it’s just terrifying, you know? You never know when he’s going to be there and when he’s watching you or if you’re ever really alone. How can you live like that? How have I lived like that? Fuck, no wonder my life’s gone to shit. Not that all of it was his fault but I can’t help but think how much better equipped I’d be to handle all my other problems if he wasn’t obsessed with me, if his obsession didn’t bring me into Dee and Dennis and Mac and Frank’s orbit. I’m always thinking of one of them before I fall back off the wagon.” 

Burn bowed his head, wishing he knew the right words to say here. There probably weren’t any, to be honest. He felt sick. He knew about most of that (though the pepper incident, if her suspicions were correct, was new and horrifying) but hearing her just lay it out like that, hearing how it had impacted her life instead of extrapolating from Charlie’s take on it was very, very different. 

Nicole was, in a very real way, Charlie’s victim. And he wouldn’t even use her name. And if he never went within a mile of her again it wouldn’t erase all that he had done in the past. And it suddenly was very difficult to look at her. 

“I am so sorry to hear that,” he said quietly. “You deserved so much better than that. And I hope that, whatever happens with me and Charlie, he will stay away and allow you to try and rebuild your life.”

“Thank you,” she told him. “I do, too, but at this point I’m not holding my breath. I…take it that you still want to be with him?” 

“I can imagine the very idea seems absurd to you,” Burn said. “But yes, I do. I understand you once called him an ugly little troll or something like that?” 

She shrugged. “Probably. I can’t remember the particulars. I guess you don’t think he is since you’re dating him. I know you must’ve gotten him to start bathing and that definitely helps but-”

“Why does everyone assume I’ve done anything to get him to start employing better hygiene?” Burn wondered. 

“Are you saying you haven’t?” Nicole asked, crossing her arms skeptically. “It’s all a coincidence he’s a dirty mess for all the time I’ve known him then he starts spending time with you and cleans up?” 

“Well, not a coincidence,” Burn conceded. “He just asked me one day if I thought he was ugly, which you’re right I don’t, and then why if he’s not people say that. And the hygiene issue came to mind as a possibility so that’s what I suggested and he didn’t want people to keep calling him ugly so he started improving his hygiene and he seems satisfied with the results. I didn’t pressure him into anything and the implication that I did is a little alarming.”

“I guess I can see that,” Nicole said slowly. “Even though this change is unambiguously good, changing your boyfriend is creepy. I’m sure I’ve called him ugly and I see him as ugly. It’s not about what he looks like, though. I mean, he could be as hot as Dennis and I’d still think he was ugly for doing what he’s done to me. His actual looks are actually beside the point. I couldn’t objectively tell you how attractive he is because all those years of harassment have placed him pretty firmly in the ‘hideous’ category for me.” 

“That makes a lot of sense,” Burn said. “Charlie is one of the most adorable people I’ve ever met but I also know the strong effect that personal feelings can play on how attractive one is perceived to be. I’ve always thought Charlie was handsome but the more I’ve grown to care for him the cuter I find him.” 

“Do you really know what you’re getting into, Burn?” Nicole asked. “I’m sure Charlie has his…charms but he’s not alright. You have to know that.” 

“I am aware that there are some aspects to Charlie that are less ideal than others,” Burn conceded. “Some I can handle. Some may come up later. The issue of stalking was a deal-breaker for me. He swore he would stop and we’re moving past it. I cannot change the past. I understand why it would not make any sense for you to ever develop any sort of romantic relationship or even friendship with him. But does his previous bad behavior means he doesn’t deserve anyone in the future? And what does deserving really mean in this case? I care for him a great deal and I want to be with him. He makes me happy. And I believe it is the same for him. And why should either of us deny ourselves something good that makes us happy and does not harm anyone else to punish him for what he did to a third party? If you want some kind of…recompense…for everything I would suggest you take it up with Charlie. Though I cannot recommend intentionally seeking him out as you try to keep him away from you.” 

Nicole shook her head. “No, it’s not about that. He doesn’t have much anyway and certainly nothing I’d want. You just…you two don’t make any sense. You’re a fancy Ivy League professor. I’ve seen your books. I’ve seen your car. And Charlie traded away most of his shares for the most run-down bar I’ve ever seen for really stupid shit like half a sandwich. He can barely read. Or, well, he could. I think he’s getting better at that? He’s so poor he makes me feel like I’m doing okay. And maybe if he were a good person that wouldn’t matter but he’s really, really not. It’s not just the stalking. You should see some of the things he and his friends have gotten up to.”

Well that was ominous to say the least. And Charlie had said something similar. But Burn knew him well enough by now to recognize how self-deprecating he could be. He certainly wasn’t the weirdest person in the entire universe and he wasn’t trying to brag when he had said that. 

“I can only go by what I see,” Burn said eventually. “Obviously the difference in our lifestyles is something I think about because it is just such a fundamental part of who we are and how we view the world. It hasn’t caused any major problems between us and I hope it won’t but I will have to be prepared to try and deal with it if it does. As for Charlie’s character outside of his horrendous mistreatment of you, Nicole, I don’t see him as a bad person. If it’s later revealed that I am wrong then it will break my heart but I will deal with it then. Perhaps it is something I can live with. Perhaps it is something he will be willing to change. But perhaps he wouldn’t. Or perhaps it wouldn’t matter if he was because I could not handle it. I love him too much to let hypotheticals and vague warnings cause me to walk away from someone I’ve spent weeks being miserable without.”

Nicole looked at him long and hard and her eyes were suddenly sympathetic. “You’re really far gone on him, aren’t you?” 

“I’m afraid that I am.” 

“My condolences,” she said. She stood up to go. “I hope you’ll at least keep in mind what I said even if you intend to stay with him. It’ll more than likely end horribly and break your heart. And I really would hate to see that. So…be careful.” 

“I will,” he promised. 

And he meant it. He would be careful. Or at least as careful as a man in love possibly could be.


	18. Chapter 18

“Doc, don’t take this the wrong way but you are totally amazing at this,” Charlie told him as the class was ending and they were left to talk amongst themselves and finish off the wine and cheese they had been tasting earlier. 

Their latest date had been a two hour wine and cheese pairing class where they had tried six different wine and cheese combinations, some of which were traditional pairings and others rather unusual, and learned why they went well together and how to pair them in the future. Burn rather suspected he had paid more attention to the lecture than Charlie had but he also suspected Charlie had enjoyed the experience even more than Burn. He kept calling the staff over for more cheese and while he had liked the traditional pairings just fine he had, perhaps not surprisingly, truly loved the more offbeat combinations. Burn had enjoyed the instruction and the cheese and wine as well but even if he hadn’t he rather suspected all it would have taken was the sight of Charlie in his little wine and cheese heaven to have made it a truly memorable evening and one he was sure to cherish. 

Burn laughed. “Charlie, why do you always tell me not to take something the wrong way and then say something positive?” 

Charlie laughed as well. “Man, I don’t know, but what, do you want me to tell you not to take something the wrong way and then insult you?” 

“Well I’m not here to be insulted but it would make more sense in context for you to bring up something negative about me.” 

“Yeah, but if I tell you not to take something the wrong way and then say something negative like, I don’t know…Don’t take this the wrong way but you are terrible at alcohol-”

“That is still not a thing!” 

“Then wouldn’t it mean that you shouldn’t think you were terrible at alcohol or something?” Charlie finished as though he hadn’t been interrupted. 

“Well perhaps but since I’m not and I don’t I don’t see the problem,” Burn said. He gave the matter some more thought. “Though I think the intention really is that you shouldn’t take it the wrong way as in you shouldn’t think that because something negative is said that it means the person saying it doesn’t like you or that it is this big world-shattering flaw. Like, don’t take this the wrong way but siphoning wine into cans is so much less efficient for stealth drinking than just putting it into opaque water bottles.” 

Charlie snapped his fingers. “Oh my God, that is brilliant. Next time I’m at the bar I’m totally telling the gang about that. Why would I take that the wrong way? You’ve just saved us so much time! And cans! We have to like drink that stuff or pour it out or something and opaque water bottles can just be washed and shit.” 

“I think you’re missing the point just a little,” Burn said, amused. 

Charlie shrugged. “Maybe you just suck at insulting people just like you suck at alcohol.” 

“Is it really that big of a deal I don’t like beer?” 

Charlie looked at him like he had just said something very stupid. “Yes. Yes it is. It’s one of the major food groups.” 

“Not one of the USDA food groups though I’m sure someone somewhere out there would call it one.” 

“Like me!” Charlie said, grinning. “Want to hear the other ones?” 

“I suspect cheese is one,” Burn said. “But please, for the sake of my poor heart, don’t tell me the rest. And at any rate, I’m not sure you’re bad at insulting people is a very good insult, either.” 

“Maybe we’re just not very good at insulting each other?” Charlie suggested. “Usually I’m like really good at it but for some reason it’s just not coming to me.” 

Burn smiled at him. “Well, I can’t say that I mind too much.” 

Charlie smiled back at him. 

“But to get back to the whole ‘don’t take this the wrong way’ thing, if I say something positive like ‘don’t take this the wrong way but I love you very much’-” Burn had to take a moment to remember what he was saying because the full force of Charlie’s smile was rather devastating “-how are you supposed to take that? Like I don’t mean it or that it is somehow not as much as implied or…it just doesn’t make any sense!” 

“You don’t make any sense,” Charlie said but he was smiling. 

“Well,” Burn said slowly, “I suppose sense is sometimes overrated.” 

“See, that’s what I’m saying!” Charlie exclaimed. “And either way, that’s why I was saying that you’re so good at this!” 

“What is ‘this’?” Burn asked. 

“You know, this,” Charlie said, gesturing vaguely all around him. “This whole dating thing.” 

“I don’t think dating is something you can really be good at,” Burn said. “Though I suppose you could be bad at it but only if you’re truly terrible. Dating is much like sex or kissing. It’s not a skill a person has but a connection that two people share and that improves with practice. Two people could have had much dating success previously but be terrible at dating each other if they aren’t very compatible.” 

Charlie snorted. “What does compatible even mean here? I mean, just look at us. We’re great at dating. Would you say we’re compatible?” 

“Yes.” 

Charlie rolled his eyes tolerantly at him. “Doc.” 

“What? You don’t believe we are?” 

“Well, we’re like super different and everything,” Charlie said. 

“So? I don’t necessarily buy that opposites attract or like belongs with like,” Burn said. “Having similarities can certainly help as can complementing each other but at the end of the day, despite our best efforts, there is no scientific formula for what makes two people work as a couple and what makes them fail. Or rather, being willing to really work for it even when it gets difficult makes a huge difference but in order to be that invested you just have to have a certain… je ne sais quoi.”

“I don’t know what that means.” 

Burn couldn’t help his chuckle. 

Charlie frowned. “What? That didn’t even sound like English!” 

“It’s not, it’s French,” Burn explained. “And that’s why it was funny. It means something impossible to describe. Something where you don’t know what you mean to say.” 

Charlie laughed. “Huh. Guess I did know.” 

“You’re very talented,” Burn said loyally. “So we fit. Doesn’t matter if anyone thinks we should or not. We think we do and we’re right.” 

Charlie nodded slowly. “Well we certainly have worked past some issues.” 

“See? That’s half the battle right there,” Burn said. 

“Before you got all philosophical on me, dude, I was just trying to say that you’re much better at picking out dating stuff than I am,” Charlie said. 

Burn started to protest that that wasn’t true but Charlie held up a hand to stop him. 

“Come on, Doc, I’m not saying that I suck at it or anything. It’s just you always have the coolest things. You signed us up for the next stage of that horseback riding class! I think Cole is like my horse soulmate or something, I really do. And you took me to a cheese class! How cool is that?” 

“It is pretty cool,” Burn said, smiling. 

“You know, Mac and Dennis think that you shouldn’t eat cheese on a date. Or before a date,” Charlie said. “Or, well, honestly I think they’d be happy if I never ate cheese again?” 

“But you love cheese!” Burn said indignantly. 

“I know, right?” Charlie asked. “I think it’s something about the smell of cheese? And that it makes you gassy or something.” 

“Well I don’t know about that but I would certainly put up with a little smell if it meant you got to do something that made you so happy,” Burn said. 

“That’s why Dennis and Mac really suck sometimes and you don’t,” Charlie said happily. “They’d never take me to a place with this much cheese even like just as friends. Or if it were a restaurant they wouldn’t let me order like a cheese plate like this.”

“Well I can’t speak for them but I would happily go to another one of these with you,” Burn said. 

Charlie laughed. “You really don’t need to convince me, Doc. You know, the last time I went on a date with someone I was kind of into I was a total sweaty mess and I was obviously lying to the girl about who I was because, you know, no one wants to go out with the janitor on an online dating site-”

“You also own a bar,” Burn interrupted. “But your profession doesn’t define you and there’s nothing wrong with janitorial work. Do you know how quickly a hospital would fall apart without that vital work? And even in places with less germs and less need for sterile environments, we would all get very sick and have to deal with a lot of terrible grossness without the invaluable services you provide. I can think of professions that are much less vital to our society.” 

“I swear, it’s like I can’t say anything without you making it into how actually I’m pretty great,” Charlie said, shaking his head. He was smiling, though. 

“I don’t see how this is my fault,” Burn protested, laughing. “It’s just how I see you.” 

“The British are weird,” Charlie said lightly. “But at any rate, my point was I was such a mess I accidentally told her I was a full-on rapist.” 

It took Burn a second. “A philanthropist?” 

“Yeah, that’s what I meant to say,” Charlie said. “Not that I knew what that was on the time. That…was not a good date.” 

“You know, Charlie, I always knew our first date went well but I didn’t expect that it might have been a minor miracle,” Burn joked. 

Charlie merely raised an eyebrow. “Minor?” His expression turned serious. “I keep wondering what it was about you that made me not like freak out and bite you or something.” 

“Has that been known to happen?” 

Charlie shrugged. “It’s a long story.” 

“Well it’s not like we went from hi to first base,” Burn reasoned. “By the time you asked me out, you knew what you wanted.” 

“Okay, so first of all, you asked me out!” 

“I was baited into it,” Burn said. “You knew exactly what you were doing.” 

“I did and you’re welcome!” Charlie exclaimed. 

He and Burn looked at each other for a moment and started giggling. 

“But really, Charlie,” Burn said eventually. “I, uh, do want to make sure I’m not monopolizing things over here.” 

“You’re not monopoly-ing things?” Charlie asked uncertainly. “Like the game?” 

“Well, kind of,” Burn said. “If I’m remembering correctly the game was created as a way to educate people about the dangers of one person or corporation owning too much of a certain area of business and not allowing for proper competition. Like if one company owned most of the gas in the world and so they could afford to set very low prices that their competitors could not match and so they would go out of business. The monopoly company would take a loss at first but once the other companies were out of business they’d make even more money. Unfortunately, much as with poor Upton Sinclair, their intentions were somewhat lost and it became a popular board game.” 

Charlie bit his lip. “So if I’m understanding this right, you want to make sure that you’re not unfairly getting to choose all the dates in case I want to choose more?” 

Burn nodded. “That’s it exactly.”

“Well that’s stupid.” 

“Charlie!” 

“What? It is,” Charlie said unapologetically. “Come on, Doc, do you really think I’m the type to suffer in silence over here?” 

“Well, no,” Burn admitted. 

“Honestly, I’m not really a very classy guy,” Charlie said. He laughed. “Like you don’t already know that. And that’s fine, it’s fine. So I don’t have classy ideas. My idea of a classy date is Guigino’s which I still think is amazing but it’s just the one place. And while I love classy and love doing classy with you, it’s not something I’d really look into on my own, you know? And I’d miss out on a lot. I’d just hang at Paddy’s probably or sit on the roof or something like that. I don’t even know. In the past I’ve taken girls to where the Waitress was working but that…isn’t really a good idea if it’s someone I want to see again. That ended really badly that one time.” 

While some things were a little fancier like the horseback riding or taking a wine and cheese pairing class, Burn would hardly classify everything he had suggested as classy. But then, Charlie liked to think the way Burn brushed his teeth was classy so there was really no arguing with him there and it was kind of nice, actually, particularly since Charlie’s admiring of Burn’s supposed classiness didn’t seem to come with any accompanying self-deprecation. 

“Nicole,” Burn said quietly. 

“Huh?” 

“The woman you’ve been chasing all this time. Her name is Nicole.” 

“Nicole,” Charlie repeated but in a tone of voice that left Burn unsure if he was going to internalize it. That was fine. He’d bring it up every time Charlie used that old appellation. He didn’t know much of the history between them or why Charlie never called her that but after everything Charlie had put her through, she at least deserved the dignity of a name. She would have even if he had never crossed any lines when it came to her. “Why do you know that?” 

“I met her that day at the Starbucks,” Burn said. “She had a nametag.” 

“Huh.” 

“And then she came to see me the other day. She actually looked up my office hours.” 

A worried look came into Charlie’s eyes then. “Doc.” 

“Relax, Charlie,” Burn said. “Yes, it’s probably exactly what you think. She thought I was a good person and she does have a rather poor opinion of you after everything. She wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting into with you, which admittedly I hadn’t before that incident. She really wanted to warn me off of you but of course that wasn’t going to happen. But really, don’t you think if she had managed to persuade me you would have found out before now?” 

Charlie chewed on his lip nervously. “Well…I don’t know. There’s a lot of things she could tell you. A lot of not-so-great things.” 

Burn made a face. “So I gather. But while I wouldn’t enjoy hearing any of the details, we agreed that what’s in the past is in the past so long as it stays in the past. And so long as I don’t discover there was actual violence involved. What I do know is quite enough to be getting on with as it is.” 

“There wasn’t,” Charlie assured him. “Well…I did give the man who had a crush on her in high school but she rejected him because he was ugly and who got hot and came back and got engaged to her just to break her heart at the last second and who was going to do the same to Dee a box of hornets that caused extensive scarring. And I did bring that box back when I thought he really did love her and want to marry her. But that wasn’t violence on her?” 

Burn gave him a look. 

“And you don’t think I should go around giving hornets to people.”

“Good guess.” 

“Yeah, I mean, the scarring was worse than I thought it’d be,” Charlie agreed. “But how do you know that you won’t find out something that’ll change your mind? Like I know you totally mean that right now but you don’t know what you could learn about some of the shit I pulled.” 

Burn sighed. “Your concern here is not filling me with confidence, Charlie.” 

Charlie winced. “Yeah, I know, except that I kind of can’t help it? I worry. And I can’t change the past. And I don’t want you to leave again.” 

Burn melted. He reached across the table and took Charlie’s hand in his. “I can’t make any promises, Charlie. I want to but you’re right. It wouldn’t be fair. Right now I can’t think of anything besides what I said that would change my mind but I don’t want to swear to you nothing could change things and have that turn out to not be true.” 

Charlie stared down at their enjoined hands. “I guess that’s fair. If you did leave I’d rather you didn’t break your promise when you did it.” 

“Charlie,” Burn said. 

Charlie made a noncommittal noise. 

Burn tugged at his hand. “Charlie.” 

Reluctantly, Charlie glanced up. “Yeah?” 

“I have no intention of going anywhere anytime soon. I know my words won’t be enough to convince you but I hope that one day my actions will be,” Burn said softly. 

Charlie nodded and there was something shining in his eyes. “I was just thinking…you’d think the Waitress-”

Burn levelled another look at him. 

“That Nicole,” Charlie corrected himself, making a face. “Christ that feels weird. That she would be over the moon I’m dating someone else. Like, yeah, I know she wasn’t happy about Ruby but that was when she was a bigger mess than she is now and Ruby was all rich and standing right in front of her defending me and I was kissing her and left her behind to go off with Ruby. And you’re a guy so it’s like different. So how badly did I fuck up she’d rather try and destroy what we have to protect you and risk having my full attention again?” 

“I think you know the answer to that,” Burn said. 

Charlie sighed. “Yeah…” 

Burn let him sit with that for a moment before deciding to change the subject. He wasn’t here to make Charlie feel guilty no matter what he had done to who in the past. “I’m not sure I’d want to have a date in your workplace surrounded by your friends who would likely not leave us alone the entire time. But I’m more than fine going where you’d want to go. The important thing is to be together, after all. If we can’t enjoy ourselves just sitting on the roof looking at the stars then we wouldn’t be very good together, would we?” 

“I’m sure we could,” Charlie agreed. “And one day we totally will! But that’s one of the things I like about you. I didn’t even know there were things like this and then here we are doing them. It’s just…it’s special, you know? There’s no one else like that in my life.” 

Burn swallowed hard. “I see how it is. You only like me for my knowledge of classy things to do in Philadelphia.” 

“Busted,” Charlie deadpanned. 

“Well that’s okay. I only like you because you’re ridiculously adorable and I’m literally incapable of not smiling when I see you smile,” Burn countered. 

Charlie grinned at him. “You mean like this?” 

Burn grinned back. “Precisely.” 

“I don’t know if you should have told me I have that power over you,” Charlie said slyly. “I might use it for evil.” 

“I trust you,” Burn told him. 

Charlie made a face. “Oh, no fair pulling the ‘I trust you’ card!” 

“Is this where we circle back around to ‘don’t take this the wrong way but I trust you’?” Burn asked innocently. 

“You know, it’s weird,” Charlie said thoughtfully. 

“What is?” 

“I just keep looking at you and thinking ‘I love you’,” Charlie said. 

Burn blinked back the sudden moisture in his eye and he couldn’t have helped the smile spreading across his face for anything in the world. “Is that weird? We are dating and we have said it before.” 

“Yeah,” Charlie agreed. “But I just keep on thinking it. Like every time. It’s very distracting. You’re very distracting.” The words came out almost accusing. 

“I can live with that,” Burn said as evenly as he could. He could feel his pulse quicken as he looked at Charlie. “But have you considered a counterargument?” 

Charlie cocked his head and looked at him from under his eyelashes. “Like what?” 

“Like maybe you’re rather distracting yourself.” 

Charlie smiled at him again and ran his fingers through his hair. 

Burn suddenly found it a little difficult to breathe. 

“Me, huh? You know, Doc, we might just be playing distraction chicken.” 

Burn shivered. “Chicken is a terribly reckless game. Too easy to get hurt.”

“Do you have a better idea then?” 

“One,” Burn said slowly. “It would involve getting out of here.” 

“Well,” Charlie said, glancing down at their plates. “We do appear to be done with our lesson. Lead the way, Doc.” 

How could Burn argue with such a proposition? 

Why would he even want to?


	19. Chapter 19

Charlie burst into his office with wild eyes. “Doc, terrible news! The gang wants to meet you!” 

Burn frowned. “Your friends wanting to meet me is a bad thing?” 

“Yes!” Charlie shouted. 

Burn just blinked at him. 

Charlie sighed. “Doc, you know I love your ridiculous faith in people and the world at large and all-”

“Especially when you phrase it like that,” Burn said, his lips twitching. 

“Yes, yes, you know what I mean,” Charlie said. “But this is different. This is so different.” 

“Well I’m afraid you are going to need to explain then because I don’t understand.” 

“My friends, as I have continually told you and you have continually failed to accept, are terrible people. And I’m really no better. We’re all going to hell.” 

“Charlie,” Burn said simply. 

“I know, I know. It’s not your worldview. But it is mine and these are my friends and you kind of have to accept that while I’m not like a philosophy guy I am the expert here.” 

“So what are you saying?” Burn asked. “Do keep in mind that you telling me your friends are bad people and saying you are just as bad and me not believing you are a bad person is really not very convincing when it comes to making me think they are bad.” 

“You don’t have to believe me,” Charlie said. “I know you won’t. But I just kind of need you to be on your guard, all right?” 

“All right,” Burn agreed. “There’s nothing wrong with a little caution. I’m going to need you to be direct.” 

“Okay, so here’s the thing. My friends and I…we’re not good people. We’ve never been. We don’t try to be bad people, I don’t think, and everything we do seems like a good idea at the time or at least like a bad thing we do because we don’t have a choice. But you look back at some of it and it’s like…wow, I pretended I had cancer one time and Cricket used to be a priest before we came back into his life.” 

Burn started. “You…what?” 

“Yeah, it’s kind of funny. My mom a few years back needed money because she and Mac’s mom were driving and knocked over a church statue and wanted to replace it so she pretended she had cancer. We had a benefit to try and raise money for her but she couldn’t go through with it and admitted everything. And like, she said she got the idea from me but I had totally forgotten I even did that. It was like back in 2004, I think? And it was stupid. The Waitress-”

“Her name is Nicole.” 

Charlie nodded and swallowed. “Nicole. Right. She still was always mad at me but nothing like now. I thought, well, cancer is sad. Everyone feels sorry for a guy with cancer. Maybe she’ll go out with me and I’ll, I don’t know, wow her and we’ll get married and live happily ever after. It, uh, didn’t quite work like that. Dennis and Mac paid her to have sex with me but we went on a date instead and it never came to that point. And like it was stupid. And like when I told Dennis he had come to borrow a basketball and he still wanted to take the ball and go play. I didn’t realize what a shitty thing to do that was until I thought my mom was dying and I was so upset I actually went to a church service and like that shit can drive you mad, you know? All this standing and kneeling and it just never ends, you know? I wasn’t mad at my mom, you know. I never manage to be mad at her, not even when…but it was shitty. And she got the idea from me. So no one was really mad, Dennis was just annoyed because he spent all that money but…it was shitty. And I think about how you’d react, both to thinking I was dying and finding out I made it all up. And it’s shitty.” 

It took Burn a minute to figure out how to respond. “Well, yes. I’d be devastated at the thought of you being so sick and I don’t think it would be easy to forgive you if I found out you had lied no matter what your reason was. But 2004 was a long time ago and you’ve clearly learned from it.” 

“It was a long time ago but it’s just one thing. There’s always something like that,” Charlie countered. “Like Cricket!” 

“That poor man from your television episode?” 

Charlie nodded. “Yeah, him. He was kind of a loser back in high school. He’s the only person in the whole world who has ever had a thing for Dee. It’s super weird. So we saw this stain that looked like it might be a religious thing, right? Like the face of Jesus in a tortilla. So we went on the news and talked about it and people were coming to the bar. We wanted it blessed by a priest and there was Cricket and he still had a thing for Dee, right? But he refused to do it. So Dee pretended she had a thing for him to try and convince him and then the stain got destroyed and Cricket decided to leave the priesthood to be with Dee and she’s all like ‘Dude, why’d you do that? You just fucked up and I don’t really want you.’ And then he went off and became homeless and then we needed to sell drugs to avoid getting murdered by the mob, long story, and we wanted him to help us sell some drugs because he was a beggar. I think he was homeless at that point? But I don’t remember. And he didn’t want to but then he agreed and he got addicted to crack and used all the money he got to buy trash cans to use as drums because he was high and kind of a dumbass. And then he’s like been set on fire which he blames on us even though I think I’d remember something like that and his throat’s been slashed and there’s some weird story about some dogs and it’s just…it’s pretty fucked up, man. I mean, it’d have to be to leave him looking like he did then.” 

“I don’t understand,” Burn said. “While lying to him and trying to seduce him to get him to commit fraud for you is a horrible thing to do, why did he quit the priesthood without speaking more extensively with your friend Dee? And why didn’t he go back once she told him no? Why didn’t he get some other job before becoming homeless?” 

Charlie shrugged. “Oh, who even knows? He’s never made good decisions. People…sometimes things don’t go well for them when they spend too much time around us. And I just…I don’t want that to be you.” 

Burn smiled at him. “I thank you for your concern but I’m sure I’ll be fine.” 

“You literally said you felt sorry for Dennis one time. Dennis is a bastard man.” 

“Well sensory overload is a terrible thing to have to go through,” Burn reasoned. “I will go in keeping in mind that your friends are selfish and may say or do hurtful things or try to use me for some advantage. How about that?” 

Charlie crossed his arms and looked skeptical. “If I had it my way you’d never meet them at all but apparently Mac blabbed about coming to see you that one time and frankly it’s either bring you to them or wait until they ambush you here and, well, better not give them the element of surprise.” 

“Darling, if I weren’t so touched at your protective instinct I’d be highly concerned why you choose to surround yourself with individuals you legitimately think are bad people who can and will ruin my life.” 

But Charlie’s eyes had widened. “Darling?” he asked softly, taking a step closer to Burn. 

And then they had rather had other things to think about. 

Burn stood in front of Paddy’s pub a few days later and looked critically at it. It looked rather run-down, not like the kind of place he would normally want to frequent at all but then this whole part of town really was outside of his normal haunts. 

Silently chastising himself for being a snob, Burn took a deep breath and walked into Charlie’s bar. 

Mac and the rest of Charlie’s friends were sitting at the bar and drinking beer. Charlie was nowhere to be found. 

Frank was the first to spot him and he gestured dramatically at him. “Hey, look, it’s that Science Bitch.” 

“I’m sure Charlie has told you my name,” Burn said politely, reminding himself that the only time he and Frank had been in the same room Burn had been publicly humiliating Charlie. 

“Oh, we know who you are, Burn,” Mac said. “We’re just not sure we care.” 

“Charlie said you had been requesting to meet with me,” Burn said. “That does make sense as he and I have been in a relationship for some time. Where is Charlie?” 

“He’s just…finishing up some stuff,” Dennis said cryptically. “He’ll be here soon.” 

“I see,” Burn said. “Well let me start out by saying that I understand why some of you may be skeptical of me. The last time I saw you was not my finest hour.” 

Dee snorted. “Yeah, I’ll say. You couldn’t even make Charlie any smarter! You looked like an idiot.” 

“Ah, actually that wasn’t the aim of the experiment,” Burn corrected. “The goal was to see if making Charlie believe he was smarter would make him actually smarter.” 

“Yeah, Dee, don’t be such a dumbass,” Dennis chastised her. “It’s a brilliant bit of manipulation, one I’ve employed a bit in my own private endeavors. It’s all about confidence, right? Someone like Charlie might still be really scraping the barrel but if you make him think maybe he’s not a complete lost cause he may start to do better. I mean, he didn’t but it might work on someone a little less…Charlie.” 

“I…thank you for the vote of confidence, Dennis,” Burn said. “You are quite right about how the placebo effect was supposed to work.” 

“I majored in psychology, you know,” Dennis said, feigning modesty. “Actually, went to your old school.” 

“I did, too!” Dee exclaimed. 

“Shut up, Dee, you intentionally failed the same class like a dozen times to spice up your sex life,” Dennis said, not even looking at her. 

Burn quickly decided that this was not something he was at all interested in getting more information on. It was a little shocking to see siblings be so rude to each other in front of a stranger but then they clearly felt no need to try and impress him and perhaps it was just their relationship dynamic. It wasn’t the one he shared with his siblings but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. 

“The University of Pennsylvania is a very good school and it is very impressive you both got in there,” Burn told them. 

The twins preened at that. 

Frank laughed. “Yeah, pretty impressive of all my money is more like it.” 

Another thing he could not possibly comment on. What did he know of their grades or test scores or extracurricular activities? Donating never hurt but that wasn’t the deciding factor. 

“I don’t trust you,” Mac said frankly. “You made Charlie into a total dick that first time and then you betrayed him after he turned his back on all of us here. Then all he wants is to learn how to read, not because he is a goddamn adult and really should have gotten this done like thirty years ago, but because he still wants cats and spiders to talk or whatever. He goes to you and oh wow now you’re dating. And it’s like, okay, being gay’s kind of my thing and you weren’t the next one I was thinking would come out of the closet but that’s fine. I almost punched him the last time he accused me of heteronormativity and fuck you for teaching him that word, man. But then you broke his heart and we already talked about that and now you’re here and everything’s supposed to be better?” 

“You wanted me to fix things with him,” Burn pointed out. 

“Well, yeah, and he is back to his old self. Well, his old suddenly much smarter self. But he does seem happier and that’s all I really need to see from this. But I still don’t trust you and I am watching you and I will fucking end you if you fuck this up again.” 

Burn valiantly refrained from pointing out that Charlie was the one who had fucked it up the second time and the first time that was on Burn but Charlie had still been Mr. Kelly the fascinating research participant back then. It didn’t matter and what was the price of being right? 

“I don’t intend to,” he said instead. 

Mac said nothing, just pointed with two spread fingers to his eyes then over to Burn. 

“The thing is,” Dennis said. “We just…do not understand this at all. You’re a man of wealth and status. Charlie literally traded away most of his shares of this bar to Mac and I for stupid shit like half a sandwich. And you have to teach a man his age how to read. And I’m pretty sure when he first came to you that was before he suddenly discovered hygiene. Now, Charlie’s not the ugliest man I’ve ever met and his antics can be amusing but…you have to admit this does not make a great deal of sense.” 

Burn forced down the first reply that sprang to his mind because it was unkind and Dennis was not, strictly speaking, wrong about how unusual they looked on paper. But he and Charlie had never sat down and written out a list of pros and cons of dating. It had just happened because they had just liked spending time together and one of them had made the first move. And of course that person had been Charlie because making the first move had never been something that Burn had excelled at. 

“Charlie and I come from very different worlds,” he acknowledged. “Most of the time that doesn’t seem to matter. We just click for the same mysterious reason any other pair of people do or don’t. There’s really no explaining it. I love the way he sees the world. I love the life and energy he brings to everything he does. And I cannot deny that there have been some…complications given our vastly different lifestyles but we haven’t faced one yet that we haven’t been able to deal with. Maybe one day we will, I really don’t know, but I hope not and there’s no point worrying prematurely.” 

Frank snorted. “It doesn’t matter? It always matters and it’s sheer naivety to pretend otherwise. Or, even worse, to actually believe it.” 

“I don’t mean to say it doesn’t matter,” Burn amended. “I know how much your demographics can impact every facet of your life. Every time we go anywhere, I have to take into account that I have a car and Charlie does not. That I never look at prices but Charlie only has so much disposable income. That he’s oddly insistent that I take a self-defense class if I’m going to keep picking him up from his apartment. I always try to be aware of my own privilege though you never see your blind spots until someone points them out to you or you really step in it. I just don’t think such things are insurmountable and the extra effort it takes to try and remain more or less on the same page as Charlie, effort we both have to put forth, is worth it.” 

“Christ, you’ve got it bad,” Frank said, eyeing Burn speculatively. “Course, I can’t blame you. I was in love a couple of times. One of them became a crackhead and left me for my brother and then when I finally tracked her down again years later she wanted some other guy who wouldn’t stop getting arrested and it turned out she’d aged terribly. Or this one other time I wanted to marry this hooker, right, but she was also a crackhead and died right in the middle of my proposal. Didn’t even get an answer or anything. And this, children, is exactly why this family has a no-crackhead policy.” 

“Frank, you’re not our dad,” Dee reminded him. 

“I’m your dad enough that I will take appropriate steps if you two get back on the stuff,” Frank said. “The one person in my life who didn’t use crack was my whore ex-wife. Does crack make one a better person or do I just have a type?” 

“Come on, Frank, that’s our mother,” Dennis said, rolling his eyes. 

“What?” Frank said innocently. “She’s your mother, you must know this about her.” 

Burn cleared his throat. Divorce, he knew, could be messy and he couldn’t say that he approved of Frank’s words – particularly in front of his children and the children of the ex-wife – but he knew better than to try and get involved with that kind of thing. “Forgive me, Frank, but I don’t quite understand the point you’re trying to make.” 

“Huh?” Frank blinked at him. “Oh, right. You’re in love. It’s probably going to end badly, especially with all the drugs Charlie’s on, but at least he doesn’t do crack? Still, you got to ride it out and get as much as you can out of it and don’t let him steal your millions.” 

Mac laughed. “Please, Frank. Like this guy has millions.” 

Burn swallowed his lips. 

Mac’s eyes bulged. “Seriously?” 

“Ivy League professors make bank,” Frank explained. “And that’s never anyone’s only gig.” 

“Seriously?” Dee demanded. “Charlie lands a millionaire? Freaking Charlie? He already lives with a millionaire and lives in government assisted housing! This kind of thing is wasted on him!” 

“Come on, sis, would you really be interested in him, though?” Dennis asked, gesturing to Burn. “No offense.” 

“None taken,” Burn said. “I am rather gay.” 

“Dee has that effect on people,” Dennis said. 

Dee smacked her brother’s arm. “Hey!” 

“Well, I mean, obviously he wasn’t going to be interested in you but I didn’t expect him to actually turn gay over it. My God, you grow more repulsive and bird-like by the moment,” Dennis marveled. 

“I’ll skip over the part where I remind you that people can’t ‘turn gay’, Dennis, and instead let you know I’ve known I was gay since I was eleven.” 

“So it’s some kind of weird time travel thing?” Mac asked. “Dee’s so repulsive she turned a man gay like thirty years in the past? That’s almost impressive, actually.”

“Well, strictly speaking she has to be good at something,” Dennis reasoned. 

Dee stared at the ceiling. “I hate everyone in this bar.” She glanced at Burn. “You’re okay. But seriously, why Charlie?” 

“Why not Charlie?” Burn asked. “I have explained some of what I like about him and as his closest friends it really shouldn’t be so hard for you to understand why someone might like him.” 

“Maybe not ‘someone’,” Dee said. “Though after all the shit he’s pulled with the Waitress-”

“Her name is Nicole,” Burn interrupted. 

“Seriously?” Dennis asked, surprised. “Nicole? You’d think she’d have said something at some point.” 

“I always pictured her as a Mary,” Frank said. 

“I really couldn’t give a shit what her name is,” Dee said. “After the shit he’s pulled with her, it’s kind of hard to imagine anyone wanting to date him. You do know about that, right?” 

“If he didn’t and you ruined this for him I would punch you in the face,” Mac said. “But he does, yeah.” 

“I know enough,” Burn said. “And forgive me if I’d rather not discuss this right now. Charlie and I have spoken about it enough and may very well continue to speak about it in the future.” 

“Right, well, that alone takes Charlie off my potential dating list. And, well, most everything else about him, too. But even if I could somehow wrap my head around a normal person-”

“Let’s not go that far,” Frank interrupted. “Maybe one of his creepy little friends.” 

“Most of whom were your friends first,” Mac pointed out. 

“Right them. Even if I could imagine someone dating him, someone like you…I mean, you’re clearly winning at life. Charlie is learning things most people learn in like kindergarten or preschool. Like one of these things is not like the other.” 

“You underestimate him,” Burn said. “I don’t always…understand the source of his delays in some areas but he’s catching up where it matters and I’m not looking for someone who ticks off a bunch of arbitrary boxes.”

“So that’s really it,” Dennis said skeptically. “You just really fell in love with Charlie and want to be with him.” 

“Yes,” Burn said simply. “Very much so.” 

“Thoughts?” Dennis asked, turning to the others. 

“I don’t know. I just can’t wrap my head around it,” Dee said. “Like Charlie. With an actual goddamn professional. And not for a joke or anything.” 

“Well there was Ruby,” Dennis pointed out. 

“Yeah and look how that turned out!” Dee shot back. “God, it’s like how is he going to use this to try and get in the Waitress’ pants.” 

“The lady’s name is Nicole, Dee, weren’t you listening?” Dennis asked, a touch hypocritically. 

“I really don’t think that’s it,” Burn said. 

Dennis held up a hand. “Please stay out of this, Science Bitch. We want our results to be impartial.” 

“Well I think he means it,” Frank said. “This is going to crash and burn, the way all great love stories do, but he means it.” 

“He means it,” Mac agreed. “You should have seen him when I went to go kick his ass for being a dick to Charlie. He knew I meant business and he wasn’t going to be allowed to go anywhere near Charlie unless he was serious.” 

“That’s two believers, one undecided, and me. Given how much Mac wanted to karate chop the Science Bitch a couple weeks ago, I find his change of heart most persuasive. Motion is carried. The Science Bitch…Burn…Congratulations, we approve of your relationship with Charlie and do not intend to destroy it and you at this time.” 

“Was…that on the table?” 

“Oh, yeah,” Dee said. “We had this great list of things we would have done to you if we didn’t believe you.”

“But someone’s got to look out for the kid,” Frank said. “He has so little and his mom sure as hell isn’t going to do it. She’s just not all there, you know? So can you really blame us?” 

“Well, I suppose not. Your hearts do seem like they’re in the right place,” Burn said. “Now, granted, had you actually enacted any of these plans I’d probably be feeling very differently but I’m just glad it hasn’t come to that.”

Dennis narrowed his eyes. “There’s something odd about you.” 

“Oh, are we back on that again?” Burn asked rhetorically. 

Dennis shook his head. “No, I’m not talking about Charlie here. It’s just…we don’t really know you. And you know Charlie, sure, but I’ve seen enough of him around the Wai-around Nicole to know that he acts way differently around her than around us. And probably different around you than around her if you actually want him around. So you probably aren’t used to our, shall we say, unique way of doing things. But you seem to be taking this very well. We don’t get that a lot.” 

“Yeah, sometimes people meet us and just make one bad decision after another and ruin their own damn lives and blame us,” Frank said. 

The man from the good luck video flashed through Burn’s mind. He wished he could remember his name. He was sure he had known it at one point or at least tried to find out. 

“I suppose…as extreme and in some cases alarming as all this is, I cannot fault your mistrust. You don’t know much about me and what little you do know, from all those years ago, wasn’t good. And it probably does look highly suspicious that I would have a genuine interest in him. I’ve known some unscrupulous characters to use less privileged individuals and you cannot possibly know that I would never do that. And my impression from today is that you do genuinely want to protect Charlie here. So the least I can do is submit to a few questions and judgments.” 

There was silence after that. 

“You,” Mac said flatly, “are so fucking weird, dude.” 

For some reason, everyone cracked up at that. Burn wasn’t sure exactly why that was so funny but it was just like any tension had officially dispelled. 

That was when a door burst open and Charlie threw himself into the room, breathing heavily. “I fucking knew you assholes would pull something like this!” 

“Hey, Charlie,” Frank said, “where you been?”


	20. Chapter 20

“Don’t even start with me right now,” Charlie snapped. 

“Charlie, I don’t know what happened,” Burn said. “Your friends said you were working, I think.” 

“I was,” Charlie said, his voice unnaturally high. “But I wanted to finish up before you got here. Then they tricked me into going into the alley and locked me out there and it took me awhile to break down the door.” 

“Christ, Charlie, you broke down the door?” Dee demanded, annoyed. “We need that!” 

“Frank’ll pay for it,” Mac said dismissively. 

“Hey, why do I have to pay for it? I wasn’t even the one to lock him out there!” 

“Well, Frank, that’s a good point and but you’re the one with all the money here and you’re in charge of the bar more than any of us,” Dennis reasoned. “So unless you just want to not have a door from now on and let all manner of people and things in here without us knowing and not being able to heat or cool the place, you’ll fix the goddamn door.” 

“And last time you wouldn’t pay for something the mob tried to kill us. And then you refused to pay to save our lives, too!” Dee complained. “God you suck.” 

“I hate all of you,” Frank told them. He turned to Charlie. “Not you, Charlie, you’re wonderful and we’re lucky to have you.” He looked at Burn. “And Dee’s right. I’m extremely indifferent towards you.” 

“That’s not really what I said-” Dee started to say. 

“Look, Dee, Frank already said he agrees with you on something. Take the win,” Mac advised. 

“Thanks, Frank,” Charlie said. “And of course I broke the door! I couldn’t just let you all get your hands on him!” 

“I’m fine, Charlie,” Burn assured him, with an encouraging smile. 

Charlie managed a brief smile in return. “I know you are. And it’s not like I don’t trust you can take care of yourself. It’s just that my friends are kind of the worst.” 

“Jesus, Charlie, tell us how you really feel,” Dennis said disgustedly. 

Charlie turned back to Dennis and his smile turned mocking. “Oh? Oh you want me to show you how I really feel? Here, let me show you.” 

Burn wouldn’t say he was getting a good vibe from any of this but the way the others tensed seemed strange to him. 

Charlie picked up a glass and whipped it hard at the wall. “That’s how I fucking feel about it! You guys pulled shit with the Waitress for years-”

Burn’s eyes widened and he just watched in horrified fascination. 

“Her name,” Dennis said, looking every inch a man who was regretting opening his mouth but couldn’t quite manage to stop himself, “is Nicole.” 

Charlie let out a wordlessly scream and threw another glass at the wall. 

Mac and Dee exchanged a quick look and started moving the remaining glasses. 

“For years!” he repeated, shouting now. “Frank and Dennis slept with her! Mac tried to because he was mad at me for something I didn’t even do! I can’t actually think of what Dee did to her right now but I’m sure it was something!” 

“That’s probably fair,” Dee admitted. 

“You don’t own her, Charlie,” Dennis said. “She didn’t even like you.” 

“I know that Dennis!” Charlie screeched. He reached for another glass and, upon finding none, kicked the bar instead. “But Burn does and he’s a good person and he’d never sleep with any of you and if any of you fuck him over I will fucking end you.” 

“Charlie,” Burn said softly. 

Charlie glanced over at him then looked at his friends again. “Do I make myself clear?” 

The others looked varying degrees of shaken. 

“Do I?” he asked icily. 

There was a nervous chorus of yes’s. 

Burn didn’t understand any of what had just happened, really, or rather he understood only Charlie’s side of it. Charlie was absolutely convinced his friends were going to somehow end up making Burn’s life worse and he had been fretting about the idea of them all meeting for some time, despite the clear inevitability of such a thing. And then he had been kept away and trapped, leaving Burn to the mercy of his friends. And sure, their behavior had been less than ideal but he well understood their concern and honestly he had seen worse. 

He walked over to Charlie and grabbed his hand. 

Charlie automatically threaded their fingers together. “I know what you’re doing.” 

“Do you?” Burn asked mildly. He turned to the others. “Why on Earth would you lock him outside?” 

“Well we wanted to avoid something like this, for one!” Dee exclaimed, pointing to the wall Charlie had thrown the glasses at. 

“I’m not cleaning that up,” Charlie said flatly, his hold on Burn’s hand getting tighter. 

“That’s fine,” Frank said. “We’ll just get Deandra to do it.” 

“Hey!” she objected. 

“Well none of us are going to do it and somebody has to,” Mac pointed out. “Statistically you’ll break first.” 

“If you wanted to avoid provoking Charlie’s anger, you have acted in the exact wrong way,” Burn said. “Maybe he didn’t trust you but his anger was caused by what you did and I think you know that. So I ask again, why?” 

Frank shrugged. “Well, you know.” 

“I’m sure I don’t.” 

“Well Charlie hasn’t exactly got the best track record with women,” Mac said. “And, like, we thought maybe it was because he’s gay now but he keeps saying he’s bisexual so that’s not it. And I already met you and I don’t trust you but I think I more or less see what you’re about. It’s only right the other guys get a chance.”

“Yeah, Charlie has shown interest in like three women ever in his life,” Dennis said. 

“He literally never spoke to what’s-her-name after they had sex back in high school. And I don’t know if I’d even say he was interested in her but you can literally count the number of people he’s fucked on one hand so she has to go on the list,” Dee added. “Though given what she had to say about that night, it was probably for the best they stopped speaking.” 

“Nicole, of course, he stalked since before I even met him,” Frank said. “I don’t know. Woman has no standards but she doesn’t want anything to do with him.”

“And then Ruby,” Dennis said, sounding almost wistful. “Now, picture this. Ruby was the complete package. Young, hot, mega rich, from a really famous and respected family…and, insanely, actually really liked him and wanted to be with him after I publicly humiliated her brother. Which, in my defense, I had to do to protect Mac and Dee because he was a dick and there to humiliate them for not being one of them.”

“Wait,” Burn said slowly. “You don’t mean Ruby Taft, do you? I know her. Lovely girl. Very sweet and giving and smart. Got her heart broken a few years back by a man who…was using her…to convince his ex…to let him back in her life.” 

Charlie tried half-heartedly to tug his hand away but Burn squeezed it and Charlie let his hand still. He was biting his lip and looking rather embarrassed. “She…wasn’t my ex. She was…Well I guess we’re all calling her Nicole now.” 

“It’s her name,” Burn said simply. “I want to respect that.” 

“Respect…where’d you ever find this guy, Charlie?” Frank asked. 

“I found him,” Dee said. “I saw the ad for the study.”

“You’re the best, Dee,” Charlie said absently. 

Dee rolled her eyes but she was smiling. 

“I know it looks bad,” Charlie said slowly. “I know I insulted her in front of her friends and family and it was using that-that double standard we were talking about. But-Well, I guess there’s not really a but. Maybe I shouldn’t have used her like that but I definitely shouldn’t have shamed her about it. I know. She was a good person and I guess one more example of the kind of things that can happen to good people who get involved with us. It’s what I was telling you about before.” 

He waited anxiously for Burn’s reaction. 

What to even say? He had been horrified to hear the gossip a few years back after that party, so careful to not even allude to it in front of Ruby. It was so very clearly a horrible and indefensible thing to do. But it was years ago and Charlie was so intensely aware of that now. 

“Okay.” 

Charlie’s eyebrows rose. “Okay?” he asked uncertainly. 

“Okay,” Burn repeated, squeezing Charlie’s hand again and trying to communicate his meaning. 

After a moment, Charlie’s expression cleared and he squeezed Burn’s hand right back. “Okay.” 

“I feel like I’m missing something,” Dennis said. 

“You are being remarkably understanding,” Mac said suspiciously. “I don’t recall you taking it this well when-”

“Mac, it’s fine. We’re fine,” Charlie interrupted. “Thank you but there’s no need. Really.” 

“So,” Dennis said loudly. “Ruby. I really thought she was just using him the way her brother was just using Mac and Dee. But it turns out he was using her. We, uh, we were all kind of shocked to see that one. And you’re the first guy. So of course we had to see for ourselves what was going on here.” 

“Well, of course I was going to meet you at some point!” Burn exclaimed. “You are Charlie’s closest friends. It was always going to happen. But doing it like this? Arranging to keep Charlie away? That seems both unnecessarily and a little convoluted.” 

“Well,” Dee said, “we are very dramatic people.” 

“And besides,” Mac said. “Like Charlie was ever going to voluntarily let us get you alone. I mean, come on.” 

“Why?” Burn asked. 

“Let me put it this way,” Mac said. “Who here has had a relationship ruined because of someone else in this room?” 

Immediately, Mac, Dennis, Dee, and Frank’s hands flew up. 

Charlie shrugged. “Yeah, no, I’m good, actually. But they’re right. They do tend to – we do tend to – fuck up each other’s dating life a lot.” 

“I see. I suppose with such a tight-knit group it’s easy to become insular,” Burn said. He glanced at Charlie. “Uninterested in things outside of your own experience.” 

“Oh, that’s a good one,” Dennis said approvingly. “I’m going to have to remember that one.” 

“Unlike you, Burn actually means that, you jackass,” Charlie said but there wasn’t any real heat in his voice.

“I mean everything I say while I am saying it,” Dennis replied. “I learned my lesson from George Costanza.” 

“He wasn’t exactly supposed to be aspirational, Dennis,” Dee said. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Dennis said. “Man inspired me.” 

“But as to your original question, why we had to meet you and do it in private when there’s no way in hell Charlie would allow it…well we figured you’d be on your best behavior around him, right? And we couldn’t go too far or he’d get upset and try and intervene,” Mac said. “So we needed to get you on your own and see what was going on-”

“This kind of shit has caused so many breakups!” Charlie interrupted. 

“And those relationships were clearly not meant to be,” Mac said indifferently. 

“You make it all sound so dire,” Burns aid. “Essentially, you only asked me a few questions and voted on my trustworthiness.” 

“I still don’t trust you,” Mac objected. “I just think you really love Charlie. There’s a difference, man.” 

“Of course I do.” 

Charlie smiled brightly at that. 

“We would have gone way further if we hadn’t believed that,” Frank said. “What can I say? You were not what we were expecting. You’re either the best I’ve ever seen or you really mean that. And in case it’s the former, I think you deserve a little rope to hang yourself with.” 

“I’m not.” 

“Sure,” Frank said. “But you understand we can’t just take your word for it.” 

“Okay, great, fine, everyone got to meet my boyfriend and agreed to just let us live,” Charlie said loudly. “I’m pissed at all of you and you will rue the day later.” 

“Rue? Okay, now you’re just making up words,” Mac complained. 

“Am not,” Charlie said. “It means regret. It’s all fancy and, like, poetry and theater and stuff. Right, Doc?” 

Burn nodded. “Yes, ‘rue’ isn’t really used much outside of the expression ‘rue the day’ but it is absolutely a word and one I know Charlie is quite fond of.” 

Charlie giggled. “Rue.” 

“Okay, fine,” Mac said, looking put out. “I’m not going to try and argue words with like a professor. Doesn’t even matter if I’m right or not, I won’t win.” 

“You’re not actually right,” Dennis said. “Rue is absolutely a real world.” 

“Well good of you to weigh in now when we’re done talking about it, Dennis!” Mac exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. 

“So, anyway, we’re leaving. I’ll be back whenever,” Charlie said. “And I swear to God, if you guys try to leave that glass until I get back….” 

“No, worries, bro. We already decided Dee’s cleaning that up,” Mac said. 

“Yeah, no we did not!” Dee countered. “You all just said I was doing it.” 

“Yeah, so it was decided. All democratic-like and everything,” Frank said. 

“We should just go,” Charlie said quietly, beginning to move towards the entrance and tugging Burn gently along. 

Burn nodded. As Charlie opened the door to the bar, he turned back to the group. “It was nice to get to know you a little better.” 

They all stopped and stared at him. 

“Was it, though?” Frank asked. 

“I will admit it was a little…different,” Burn said carefully. “But while I cannot countenance your methods, your hearts did seem to be in the right place and I am grateful that Charlie has people to look out for him in case his feelings are blinding him to someone who is not good for him or does not have his best interests at heart. Given the way we first met, I would be rather disappointed if you had instantly warmed to me and I proved myself quickly enough.” 

“Like, seriously, is he talking about us?” Dennis asked. “Did we slip into some weird twilight zone bullshit while I wasn’t looking?” 

“Whatever, Dennis,” Charlie said, rolling his eyes and pulling Burn through the door. 

The two were quiet as they made their way to Burn’s car and Burn drove in silence for a few blocks before parking in a mostly-empty lot. 

“So. That was. That was that,” Burn said. 

Charlie laughed mirthlessly. “Yep. That was the gang.” 

“That really wasn’t so bad,” Burn told him. 

Charlie gave him the most incredulous look Burn had ever seen. “Really.” 

“Yes, really,” Burn said laughing. “I mean, did I enjoy the experience? Not even a little. I don’t know how much I like your friends. Not to say I dislike them, exactly, I just…don’t quite know what to make of them. But the way you built it up, I was expecting a lot worse.” 

“Honestly, so was I,” Charlie said. “It’s like a goddamn miracle. But then who knows what would have happened if I hadn’t managed to get in there? Like, they push me around all the time but they know better than to really test me. Same with all of us, really. We can get a little scary sometimes when our backs are really up against the wall.” 

“So are you less concerned about your friends trying to ruin everything now?” Burn asked. 

Charlie snorted. “Trying? Yes. Accidentally managing to do it as the result of some scheme? That will probably always be on the table, I’m afraid.” 

“Well we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Burn said. “Charlie, back there…you were so angry.” 

Charlie looked down. “Well, yeah, man. I mean they literally locked me in the alley so they could go interrogate you in peace! Why wouldn’t I be angry?” 

“No, I’m not saying your reaction doesn’t make sense or that your emotions aren’t valid,” Burn clarified. 

“Of course not.” 

“But your reaction did seem…extreme,” Burn said delicately. “I haven’t seen that side of you before.” 

Charlie let out a long breath. “Yeah, I know. I kind of didn’t want you to?”

“I would have had to eventually,” Burn pointed out. 

“Yeah but ‘eventually’ can mean a whole awful lot,” Charlie pointed out. “So much time in the future. And now there’s…today.” 

“I won’t deny that what they did was horrible and fed into your worst fears about how my meeting them again would go,” Burn said. “But your behavior was alarming as well.” 

“I wasn’t trying to scare you,” Charlie told him. “I wasn’t even really trying to scare them, I just…You know?” 

“Not precisely,” Burn said. “Anger is not something I struggle with. In fact, I almost go too far in the opposite direction.” 

“I’ll believe it,” Charlie said. 

“But I can imagine it and I have seen it in others and that may be enough,” Burn said. “This wasn’t an isolated incident, was it? Your friends didn’t seem as startled as I would have expected if it was.” 

“…No. It wasn’t,” Charlie admitted. “But, Doc, I wasn’t mad at you. I would never-”

“You say that,” Burn interrupted. “And maybe that’s even true. Maybe you wouldn’t ever get so mad at me. That would still leave a lot of people. And one day someone could get hurt. Maybe even you. And you really can’t be sure you never would. Maybe one day I do something to set you off. You can’t know.” 

Charlie looked sick. “Doc, do you really think I’m capable of that?” 

Burn swallowed heavily. He wanted to reassure Charlie but he knew that wouldn’t be helpful right now. “I believe that anyone is capable of anything.”

“Usually you mean that in a good way,” Charlie said softly. 

“Usually, yes,” Burn said. “But we don’t even have to go into worst case ‘am I in danger’ territory. I obviously don’t feel I am in danger or I wouldn’t be here. But this kind of thing…I don’t think anything good will come from it.” 

“Do you think I should talk to Dr. Brooks about it?” Charlie asked seriously. 

Burn hesitated. He was loath as ever to tell Charlie what to do, particularly when it came to his therapy that he had sought out of his own accord. But as Charlie’s partner who would be affected by things like a worrying temper, didn’t he have not only a right but an obligation to weigh in? 

“Yes,” he finally said. “Yes, I do. But you know my opinion only counts for so much. Maybe my feelings persuade you to talk to her about it but unless the motivation to change comes from you it’s not going to be as effective. Change is hard. Replacing maladaptive thought patterns and behaviors with healthy ones doesn’t happen overnight. This can’t just be for me.” 

Charlie levelled a serious look at him. “Dr. Brooks has explained all about the differences between intrinsic and extrinsic motivations, you know.” 

What was it about Charlie using those rather technical terms correctly and unprompted and pronouncing them right that made his heart skip a beat? 

“And?”

“And I think you may be right,” Charlie said. “Getting angry like that…well I know why. It’s because things really suck sometimes. It’s because I could never do anything about it and no one ever…but things are getting better. And it’s nice to be able to scare people off if I need to but aside from that it’s becoming a, what is that, a ‘maladaptive coping skill.’ So I need to find some better way of handling all this shit. I don’t know. It’ll probably save me from having a heart attack at fifty.”

Burn nodded at him, breathing very carefully. 

“Are you…Are you seriously digging the fact that I’m learning all these cool therapy terms?” Charlie asked, grinning in surprised delight. 

“Maybe,” Burn admitted. “But, then, I’m an educator and this is my field and you are my boyfriend. What more do you expect from me?” 

“Well I expect you and I find somewhere to go where we can fully think about these things in private,” Charlie said. 

It really was a capital idea but Burn took a moment to mourn the fact that they still hadn’t technically introduced the other to their apartment yet. Charlie had already been to Burn’s on multiple occasions, of course, but given the circumstances he wasn’t about to just casually bring him over like it meant nothing. 

Still, he was sure he could think of something. 

“As…unconventional as that was I am glad I was finally able to meet your friends properly. Mac was even using my name,” Burn told him. 

Charlie laughed and leaned against Burn’s shoulder. “Yeah, they are just not going to know what to do with you at all.” 

Burn grinned back. “And you do?” 

“Well, I don’t know,” Charlie said coyly. “I think I’m beginning to.”


	21. Chapter 21

Charlie’s grip on Burn’s hand was so hard it was starting to hurt. “Are you sure about this, Doc?” 

One would think they were standing in front of some nightmare realm rather than the perfectly ordinary door to Burn’s perfectly lovely apartment. 

“Of course I am, Charlie,” Burn said soothingly. “I wouldn’t be standing here if I wasn’t.”

“But-”

“We can always leave and try again another day,” Burn interrupted. “If you don’t think that you’re ready.” 

Charlie looked down and swung their joined hands back and forth idly. “I mean, we are already kind of here. I don’t want to, you know, have wasted the trip.” 

“Don’t worry about that,” Burn insisted, tugging their joint hands up and stopping Charlie’s swinging in the process. He placed a gentle kiss on the back of Charlie’s hand. “This is a big step. I don’t want you to feel like you have to take it just because we’re already here and you think it will make me happy.” 

Charlie blushed and looked away. “Won’t it, though? Make you happy?” 

“Only if it’s what you want,” Burn said. “Otherwise I’m being selfish and upsetting you and how could I be happy if I’m making you unhappy?” 

Charlie smiled at him. “Doc, has anyone ever told you that you think too much?” 

“Yes, you regularly tell me this,” Burn said. “But it’s not like I’m spending all my time ruminating on things, these are really just my first impressions. I couldn’t turn my brain off if I tried and I’m not particularly interested in trying.” 

“I’m not, either,” Charlie admitted. “A lot of the weird things you say…well, they’re nice.” 

“I’ve got another one for you,” Burn said, moving over slightly to bump his shoulders with Charlie. 

“Oh really?” Charlie asked, intrigued. 

“You have, thus far, consented to come to my apartment and we have gone most of the way there. But consent to do this, as well as consent to anything else you can think of, may be revoked at any time. It’s okay to say yes at first then change your mind at any point during the proceedings.” 

“Okay, now you’re just fucking with me,” Charlie said, raising a skeptical eyebrow. 

“I’m really not,” Burn said, “though I understand why you would think so. Society is not great at accepting when someone has changed their mind. It really is only kind to only consent when you believe you are sure and to announce you have changed your mind at the earlier opportunity but sometimes these things cannot be helped and if you don’t know until the last minute that actually it’s not okay then you don’t know. I’m sure, for instance, if you had known you would have such misgivings about coming inside you would have said something before now.” 

“Dude, of course!” Charlie exclaimed. “I mean, maybe it’d have been a little awkward if I refuse to come but not this bad.” 

“And there are those in our society who feel misled or wronged when they are engaging in some form of consensual activity, in this case my showing you my apartment, and consent is revoked. It is understandable to feel disappointed or even frustrated but also important to respect the no and not make that into their problem,” Burn said. “It’s something I strive to do and I want you to please let me know if you feel I am in any way pressuring you into anything or making you feel uncomfortable.” 

Charlie looked suddenly amused. “Uh, sure thing, Doc, but I don’t actually believe you’re even capable of doing something like that.”

“Oh, we all have the capacity,” Burn said. “But I will take it as a good sign you haven’t seen it.” 

“I mean,” Charlie said, running his free hand roughly through his hair. “I really don’t see what’s so hard about this. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been here before!” He winced at that. “Ah, shit I…”

Burn, who had had to conceal a similar wince, used his thumb to rub little circles on the back of Charlie’s hand. “Well, that might be it, actually.” 

Charlie tilted his head. “What do you mean?” 

“You’ve never come here with permission before,” Burn said. “That makes a difference. And last time you came, we had a horrible fight and didn’t speak for a month and neither of us knew if our relationship was going to survive it. That’s a lot of negative association to assign to a place. And we’ve been doing wonderfully since we decided to stay together but this is the first time we’re returning to the place where it happened.” 

“You really think that has something to do with it?” 

“Charlie, I’ve heard stories about some rather impressive physical feats you have performed, the way you rarely ever lose a fight even against unfair odds,” Burn said. “And yet, what was it you said about stepping foot into your old high school again?” 

Charlie shivered. “Yeah, that’s a fair point.” 

“So what is the verdict to be?” Burn asked. “Do we go in or not? Do keep in mind that if we go in we don’t have to stay. It’s about what you’re okay with.” 

“I…” Charlie trailed off, thinking. “Yeah, I really do think I want to go in. Even if it’s, like, super weird and uncomfortable the first time I need to get past this one before we can move on to the second and the third and then there won’t be anything weird about being in this place for me.” 

“That is sound logic,” Burn said, smiling at him. He reluctantly let go of Charlie’s hand so he could unlock his door. 

Charlie’s eyes were wide and fascinated as he stepped into the apartment behind Burn. “This is the nicest place I’ve ever seen in my life!” 

Burn laughed. “I appreciate that and it is a rather nice apartment but weren’t you telling me that the Reynolds had a mansion?” 

Charlie shrugged. “Yeah but that place was…it was too big. Too empty. Kind of freaky, actually. This is better.” 

Charlie stepped slowly through it, looking around in awe. His hands reached out a few times and he quickly jerked them back, looking unsure if he were allowed to touch anything. 

“It’s alright, you know,” Burn said gently. “This isn’t a museum.” 

Charlie nodded slowly but he stopped. “Could you maybe…”

“Maybe what?” Burn prompted. 

“Maybe show me?” Charlie asked hopefully. 

It took Burn a moment to understand what he meant but when he did his whole face lit up. “Certainly. I picked out much of this myself, you know, and I would be glad to show it to you.” 

Together, they slowly made their way through the apartment. 

The first place they stopped was the balcony, which was right off the gallery close to the foyer. 

“Oh, we’re so high up!” Charlie exclaimed excitedly. “I can see for-for miles or something!” 

Burn smiled at him. “I think we really can. It’s peaceful up here at night. I’m not much for sitting out here during the day. There’s just a very different vibe to it and, I don’t know, it doesn’t feel as special.” 

Charlie nodded. “Yeah, I get what you mean. I mean, I think it’d be awesome to be up here during the day as well! We could throw like rocks at people or something.” 

“We can’t throw rocks at people,” Burn protested. “They could get hurt or even killed!” 

“Well, like, small rocks,” Charlie amended. 

“Those could still kill people,” Burn said apologetically. 

“Really?” Charlie asked incredulously. “But, well, I guess if too-thin lime wedges could kill people then so can tiny rocks. It’s something about death from above, right? Like it just hits you really hard really fast. Like how meteors make huge holes when they land from space but if you just threw a rock at the ground that’s the same size it wouldn’t do that.” 

“Yes,” Burn agreed. Technically, he wasn’t actually sure if pebbles thrown at passersby would kill them. He seemed to remember a MythBusters episode talking about how a penny dropped from a skyscraper wouldn’t do much damage to a person. But that was a penny not a rock and even if it didn’t do much damage, he certainly wasn’t going to go around encouraging Charlie to throw rocks at people from his balcony. And he didn’t know one way or the other anyway. 

“Well, I wouldn’t want to kill anyone,” Charlie reasoned. “But hey, it must be great to like watch parades up here! And fireworks!” 

“I don’t usually watch fireworks up here,” Burn said. “Sometimes I suppose but usually fireworks are for the Fourth of July and that’s not a holiday I am particularly invested in.” 

“Oh, right,” Charlie said as if that made perfect sense. “Because you’re British and it’s a celebration of America kicking Britain’s ass.” 

Burn snorted. “That’s not how I’d describe it.” 

“But it’s true, though. Independence Day. Independence from Britain. You know, there was this one story I actually remember from history, right? I don’t know if it’s true but for some things it doesn’t even matter. There was this guy after the Revolutionary War, right? Some American guy who was visiting people in Britain and, like, this was before they had indoor plumbing so they just went in some smelly building out back. And the British people put up a picture of George Washington in the outdoor bathroom. They were hoping the American dude would say something but he didn’t and so when they finally asked him about it he said that it was a great place to put it because nothing made a British guy shit faster than the sight of George Washington!” 

Burn laughed at that. “Well if I were to encounter his ghost or zombie form or his being a vampire or even just a time traveler, I would probably react quite strongly as well! I’m not sure how accurate that story is but it is quite the comeback to such an insult.” 

Charlie grinned proudly. 

“I do go to Fourth of July parties,” Burn explained. “More for the camaraderie than out of any sort of patriotism. You are quite correct, I enjoy many things about this country but I would not consider myself one of you and neither would my passport.” 

Charlie frowned suddenly. “You’re not a citizen? Does that mean you’ll get deported?” 

“It’s theoretically possible,” Burn replied. “But I do hold a prestigious job and stay on top of my paperwork so I believe I will be fine. There’s no guarantee, though, that one day my application for an extension will be denied. But I have months left before I even need to start thinking about that.” 

Charlie chewed on his lip, looking worried. 

Burn grabbed his hand. “Charlie. It will be fine.” 

Charlie looked at him and managed a half-hearted grin. “Yeah. Yeah, it’ll be fine.” 

“I do watch parades from up here,” Burn said, mostly to change the subject. “I don’t like being in the thick of it but I do like watching all the celebrations and I have a nice view here.” 

“Oh?” Charlie asked, allowing the subject change. “Why don’t you like parades?” 

“The same reason I don’t like mosh pits, I suppose.” 

Charlie just blinked at him. 

“I don’t like crowds,” Burn explained. “The parades are fine but trying to leave…it’s a disaster. You try to go but there’s choke points. There’s only so much room for people to go and too many people trying to fit through the limited amount of exits. You’re stopped for long periods of time pressed up against other people. And to make matters worse, the people behind you don’t seem to appreciate that you haven’t just stopped for your health and push at you trying to make you move when you can’t and the last time I went to one it left me shaken that even just being alone in my car in a traffic jam was enough to send me into a near panic for weeks afterwards and-”

Abruptly, Burn felt Charlie’s hands on his back. “Doc. Breathe.” 

Burn did as he was told, realizing belatedly that he’d been getting quite worked up. He closed his eyes and took a few deep steadying breaths. When his heartrate had returned to normal, he smiled at Charlie. “Thank you. As I said, I do not enjoy parades.” 

“Yeah, I can see why after all that. It’s never been something I really minded but, well, we’re very different people,” Charlie said. 

They spent a few more minutes out on the balcony before going to look at the rest of the apartment. 

Burn took Charlie through the living area, the kitchen, and the den. 

When Charlie saw the dragon picture he beamed so big it looked almost painful. “It’s beautiful! They look so happy! A nice little happy dragon family off to go eat some gold together and go swimming.” 

Burn had never heard of dragons swimming before but he would never claim to be an expert on such things. “It made me think of you.” 

Charlie turned wide eyes to face him. “Really?” 

Burn smiled at him. “Yeah. It did.” 

“Doc, that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Ever. In my life. I am not even exaggerating.” 

Burn raised an eyebrow, amused. “Charlie, I have literally told you I am in love with you.” 

“Well, yeah,” Charlie said, shrugging. “And that’s great! And I am so glad! So so glad you have no idea. But while that’s nice it’s not ‘dragons make me think of you’ nice.” 

“Just so we’re clear.” 

“Open communication is important,” Charlie said, maintaining a solemn expression for about ten seconds before bursting out laughing. 

What else could Burn do besides start laughing as well? 

When they had stopped laughing, Burn realized there was only one place he had left to show Charlie. 

There were two bedrooms. Showing Charlie the guest room was easy. It was nice and cozy but it felt less like it belonged to Burn than the rest of the apartment. 

Then came his bedroom. 

Burn stilled right outside of his room. 

“Doc…it’s okay, you know,” Charlie said softly. 

Burn’s head shot up. “Pardon?” 

“You don’t have to take me in to see your bedroom,” Charlie said. “I mean, I kind of already saw it. In the dark, yeah, and you weren’t awake for that and that’s why you’re struggling now but…like, I know nothing would happen right now if we did go in. But you don’t have to. I saw the rest of it. It’s fine.” 

“I want to be over what happened,” Burn said quietly. 

Charlie smiled sadly at that. “Doc, you’re more over it than I ever thought was possible. And you’ll get all the way over it eventually. If-if we’re still together,” he suddenly looked down at his shoes, “then in like fifty years you won’t still be thinking about that. It’s fine if you can’t today. And like you keep telling me, I don’t want it if you don’t want it. Consent, yeah?” 

The warmth that flooded through Burn at Charlie’s words was impossible to describe and he barely even noticed his hand reaching out and grabbing the door handle and throwing the door open. 

Charlie’s eyes shot up to Burn’s and stayed there. “Are you sure?” 

Burn didn’t have to think about it. “Yes.” 

Charlie’s smile was small but happy. He followed Burn into his bedroom. 

“I, uh, would have expected the bed to be made,” Charlie admitted. 

Burn leveled a challenging look at him. “Do you make your bed?” 

“I have never in my life made a bed and at this point I’m afraid to ask how,” Charlie replied. “Why?” 

“Well I just have never seen the point,” Burn admitted. “Of course I keep the bed in the guest bedroom all made up because I don’t want anyone staying there to feel I haven’t washed the linens. And if I’m expecting gentleman company I don’t want them to form a poor opinion of me over something so trivial. But otherwise? I don’t care how many articles I read about starting your morning off right or focusing your mind or whatnot, I simply cannot be bothered to place everything neatly back on the bed every day. It only gets rumpled again when I go to sleep.” 

Charlie grinned at him. “Wow, Doc, it’s almost like my entire mental image of you is shifting.” 

“For the better, I hope,” Burn said, laughing. 

Charlie’s grin turned teasing. “I’ll have to get back to you on that one.” He blinked as something seemed to occur to him. “But, uh, Doc?” 

“Yes, Charlie?” 

“You knew we were coming here today,” Charlie said. “We’ve been talking about it for like a week. Trying to make it less awkward because of, well, you know. The whole stalking thing.” 

“I remember.” 

“And you did try to come here. You stopped but you wanted to…you were thinking about…letting me in,” Charlie said slowly. “Did you think you weren’t going to then changed your mind?” 

“No, I…Well I thought I’d be able to. I knew there was a possibility I might not. But it was definitely part of my plan,” Burn replied. 

Charlie looked up at him through his eyelashes. “Okay, so then I have to ask…the bed.” 

Burn tilted his head. “What about it?” 

“You didn’t make it.” 

“Doesn’t look like it.” 

“You knew I was coming. And while I’m not expecting anything after the last time I was here – and with you ‘expecting’ things could go badly if I do it wrong – I am gentlemen company. More or less.” 

Burn took a step closer to Charlie. “That makes sense to me.” 

Charlie moved closer to Burn. “So then why, exactly, does it look like you weren’t expecting anyone.” 

“Well, I thought that perhaps you weren’t just any old gentleman come to the door. I rather thought I wouldn’t scare you off with a little mess.” 

Another step forward. 

Burn could feel Charlie’s laugh against his chest. 

“You? Scare me off? Oh, Doc, the things you say.” 

The look in Charlie’s eyes dared Burn to make the first move. 

So he did.


End file.
